Save Yourself
by fourandtwenty
Summary: A Draco/Pansy romance featuring an arranged marriage that forces the taboo ship together, despite extreme rebellion from both parties. Over the course of many years, are they able to accept the other's faults? In which Pansy isn't an airhead. [Completed]
1. Prince Charming

**Save Yourself - Chapter One**  
  
**Rated: **PG, much higher in chapters to come.  
_  
__A Draco/Pansy reluctant romance that just may surprise you more than disgust you.__  
__  
  
---_--  
  
  
_ Remember what he did to you. Remember the glint in his eyes as he wounded your spirit and pride, feigning victory for the first and last time. Remember what he called you, and unjustifiably so. No one deserves that sort of treatment, even you, you fat, lazy, ugly, idiot, cow. Remember the taunts, remember the names, but most of all, remember the exact way revenge will take place: perfectly planned and incredibly painful._  
  
  
  
I was eleven years old when my life began; finally, I was allowed to socialize without the threat of family dishonour hanging over me like a black cloud of doom.   
  
For the first eleven years, I was molded into my parents' idea of what a model child, especially the only daughter of one of the most proud, pure, and extensive Wizarding families in Britain, should be: beautiful, smart, funny, polite, but most importantly, ruthless and unforgiving. To fail one of Mother's tests or to gain one pound over the limit Mother set for me, was fatal. My parents had high expectations for me, and as a Parkinson, I was fully expected to meet these expectations with full confidence, ease, and grace.   
  
Don't get me wrong; I was in no way the apple of my parents' eyes. That title was bestowed upon my older brother, Zachary. He was perfect; gorgeous, impossible to ignore, and Head Boy. When our parents die, he would receive the Parkinson inheritance, leaving very little – if any – to me.  
  
I was told from the first day I was born and on I had been a mistake; my family already had an heir, and the sole reason Mother kept me when she discovered she was pregnant was because she thought I was going to be a boy. A boy would be needed in case the impossible happened; in case something happened to Zachary. Who else would carry on the family name if Father didn't have a son to pass the family name on to?  
  
As was custom, I was betrothed within a day of my birth to the son of another rich, prominent Wizarding family. I didn't meet the boy until my first day at Hogwarts – even then I'm sure our parents hadn't expected us to put the obvious pieces of the puzzle together. I was told I was to marry Father's best friend's son, while he was told similar. Each time Lucius Malfoy entered the Parkinson estate, I hoped against hope he dated to bring his son with him.   
  
I didn't know the boy's name, nor what he looked like, but I was a little girl back then; full of naïve hopes and dreams that one day, my Prince would come and take me away from the awful, dreaded estate I was imprisoned in. We would ride out into the country on a white stallion to his castle, where we would fall in love and live happily ever after.  
  
It took me eleven years to realize there was no such thing as happily ever after, especially with my betrothed being Draco Malfoy. I had read far too many fairytales by then to believe someone I had been promised to wouldn't be perfect, but despite all of the flaws I later noticed, my first impression of the blonde boy on Platform 9 ¾ the day we were to leave our families and attend our first year at Hogwarts was an astonishingly simple one.  
  
If I had the faintest idea of what sex was at the time, I would have jumped his bones right then and there.  
  
I kissed Mother and Father goodbye and promised to listen to Zachary – a blessid Seventh Year by then – and climbed into the train to find an empty compartment where I might have caught up on the sleep I missed the night before due to my excitement and anticipation.  
  
It wasn't long after I set my head against the window when I saw two redheaded boys – twins, perhaps? – step right under my window. I saw them call to their family in excitement as I strained to hear what they were saying.  
  
"… just met on the train?"  
  
A tired, plump, redheaded woman – presumably the twins' mother – sighed and started to open her mouth to speak, but the twins didn't wait for her answer.  
  
"You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station? Know who he is?"  
  
This time the woman responded; "Who?"  
  
With chorused excitement the two twins exclaimed, "Harry Potter!"  
  
I sat up with a startled expression, my tired mind suddenly racing.  
  
Harry Potter was a name both praised and feared, adored and loathed throughout the world. Not a witch or wizard in the world didn't know his name, but unlike those who had rejoiced with the demise of Lord Voldemort which an infant Potter had caused, I had been raised to detest the name. It was the equivalent of the most horrid curse word one could imagine within the Parkinson Estate, and when it was uttered, it was only to teach my brother and I exactly who the enemy was.  
  
As I pondered this new revelation – Potter was obviously a First Year, why else would the twins be so surprised by this news? – I heard the compartment door slide open, revealing the one person I would spend the rest of my life loathing and loving, never anywhere in between; my blonde prince, Draco Malfoy.  
  



	2. Up To the Challenge

**Save Yourself - Chapter Two**  
  
**Rating:** Still PG, sorry guys.  
  
**Comments:** Sorry this is so short - I promise the next chapter will be a bit longer.  
  
  
-----  
  
  
Draco was flanked by two utterly repulsive, large boys who didn't say a world as their leader stepped inside the compartment, arms folded and eyes hard.  
  
"Do you mind if we sit here?" he asked, his voice revealing the trademark drawl of a Malfoy.  
  
I nodded mutely and allowed the three to sit down; his two henchmen sat across from me and he sat to my right.  
  
"My name's Draco Malfoy, and this is Vincent Crabbe and Greg Goyle. You're Zachary Parkinson's sister, aren't you?" Draco asked. I was slightly startled by his odd sounding name, but I quickly recovered my wits and nodded.  
  
"Pansy Parkinson, and yes, Zachary's my brother. You're Lucius Malfoy's son, aren't you? Father's mentioned you often, I believe."  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow, "Has he? And to what may I owe the honour of recognition within your family's grand estate?"  
  
So he wanted to play a formality game, did he? His proper wording didn't faze me one bit, as it was the language I had grown up around.  
  
It was time to make the Parkinson family proud.  
  
"The answer to your inquiry, I do believe, shant be uttered in the company of those of whom I have yet to greet and be acquainted with, who are therefore, in my presence, unknown."  
  
Draco shifted mildly in his eat, "As elated as I am to be in the presence of such respectable and honourable company, Miss Parkinson, I can assure you Crabbe and Goyle pose no immediate threat. I do, however, request – can we please drop this absurd formal speech? It's giving me a headache."  
  
I smirked, "Sure if that's what you want."  
  
Eager to divert him from his earlier question, I dug through my mind to find a topic interesting enough to hold his attention for more than a moment rather than have him concentrate on the mentioning of our parents' agreement.  
  
"Have you heard Harry Potter's on the train?" I asked innocently.  
  
I suppressed the urge to laugh as Draco's eyes widened in astonishment, "Harry Potter? But isn't he a baby?"  
  
"Use your head, Draco," I said a bit sharper than necessary; "He was a baby ten years ago. What would that make him today?"  
  
His eyes narrowed at my sharp words, but his embarrassment was quickly covered by a smug look of observation.  
  
"That sharp tongue of yours just won't do, Miss Parkinson. It'll definitely have to go before the wedding."  
  
At the word 'wedding', instead of the hope and anticipation that usually filled me, a sick sense of dread squirmed inside my stomach, suddenly making me violently ill.  
  
I had loved the idea of my wedding until I met the one thing I refused to question beforehand; the groom.  
  
"I dare you to try, Draco." I spat out his name as if it were a curse fouler than Harry Potter, "No one's ever been able to change that part of me – you're welcome to try, of course, but don't expect any results."  
  
He smirked and stood up, absentmindedly waving his right hand for Crabbe and Goyle to join him.  
  
"I'll look upon it as a challenge. Seven years should be more than enough to fix your – problems, shall we say?"  
  
With a sinister smile, he turned around and walked out of the compartment door to greet his next challenge; Harry Potter.  
  



	3. Ignorance

**Save Yourself - Chapter Three**  
  
  
  
Many First Year students look back on their first glimpse of Hogwarts and say how vast, how large, how wonderfully intimidating it looked; my first thoughts were quite to the contrary. Just as I had reacted the first time I met Draco, I met Hogwarts with rather sarcastic disbelief;  
_  
__ That's it?_  
  
For my entire life, I had been hearing stories about Hogwarts and how I was going to spend the best years of my life within the castle. At the exact moment I first saw the school, my pride was still bruised from the blows Draco and I had exchanged earlier, and I was in absolutely no mood to even consider being amazed by something as simple as a castle. Call me spoiled, call me a brat, but it's the truth. I never lie if I can help it.  
  
The foyer and the Great Hall was nothing to goggle at, truly; I had been inside fortresses larger than this, and if Hogwarts was going to impress me it certainly wasn't going to do so with size. During the Sorting ceremony, I spent a great deal of time staring at the back of Draco's head, trying in vain to figure out exactly what he was thinking. He hadn't come back into the compartment after he went off looking for Potter, so I assumed he had made some sort of friendly contact with him and I was eager to find out exactly what was said.  
  
As Professor McGonagall, a black-haired witch destined to become a nuisance to not only me, but my entire house, called my name, I walked to the front of the small crowd of First Years and placed the Sorting Hat upon my head, fighting back the impulse to wipe my hands on my robes as they came in contact with the grimy thing.  
  
_Ahh, Miss Parkinson… You're much like your family, I see. Cunning, ambitious, with an incredible thirst to prove yourself – I believe the house most suited for your needs would be_ -  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
With a feeling of indifference, I allowing Professor McGonagall to take the hat from me as I walked over to where the Slytherin tables was cheering half-heartedly and took a seat next to Draco, who had been motioning for me to sit next to him.   
  
"I see you plan on living up to your family's heritage," he said snidely, the ever-present smirk on his face seemingly expanding. "A valuable quality."  
  
I shrugged, not knowing quite what to say.  
  
"A Parkinson never disappoints," I said mildly, my eyes scanning over those who were to be my housemates for the seven-year stay. I saw Crabbe and Goyle seated across from Draco, while the seat to his left hadn't been filled yet.   
  
"And neither does a Malfoy," he stated calmly with little interest in the topic of conversation itself.   
  
The rest of the feast went fairly well, the highlight being as the ghost of Slytherin – the Bloody Baron – sat down in the empty seat to Draco's left, making him cringe with intense hatred towards the spirit. The Baron, however, didn't seem to notice.  
  
Afterwards, we were led down into the dungeons where the Common Room entrance was concealed among the damp stone walls, making the piece of wall absolutely impossible to locate unless you knew exactly where it was; a clever trick to hide the prideful House's secrets.  
  
My dorm mates and I were shown to our dorm immediately after a tour of the common room and a layout of basic House rules had taken place, in which very little was learned. One of the only rules the House seemed to enforce strongly was that House loyalties run deep, and anyone to form an alliance with another House member was instantly seen as a traitor and punished accordingly.  
  
Not that we couldn't have friends from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff; their values and qualities were tolerable to Slytherins. Gryffindor, however, had been the Snake's enemy since the beginning day of Hogwarts, and anyone to ignore those deep roots was left to the mercy of his or her housemates.  
  
I immediately picked the bed farthest away from the door as my dorm mates and I entered the room, leaving no room for arguments. There were only two other girls in my dorm – a fat, broad-shouldered girl with a thick jaw by the name of Millicent, and a small, red-headed Irish girl by the name of Blaise Zambini. The three of us were reluctant to talk to one another at first, but the ice broke easily as Blaise started talking about the sorting.  
  
"I knew there was no way I would have been sorted into Gryffindor – those idiots can't tell their left foot from their right," she smirked in a way that reminded me terribly of Draco, "Daddy will be proud when I tell him how quickly the hat chose me for Slytherin."  
  
"I think I'd rather be in Hufflepuff than Gryffindor," Millicent stuck out her tongue as she changed into her pink, flowery nightgown. "At least Hufflepuffs have some common sense."  
  
I said nothing, merely nodded and agreed, until the subject reached the other boys of their year.  
  
"That pair of hulks – Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle? They're awful!" Blaise exclaimed, brushing her hair with more care than was necessary, "Terrence Nott didn't seem too bad though – but God, did any of you see Draco Malfoy? He's an Earthbound God!"  
  
Millicent threw herself onto her bed dramatically, "He was so adorable! Father said I had to find a suitable boy to bring home to him for talks of – well, you know," she giggled embarrassingly, "If I brought home a Malfoy, he'd absolutely die of happiness!"  
  
"He's cute," I put in indifferently, "But he's a git."  
  
Millicent sat up immediately, "How on Earth could you say that about him!? You have no right to say that about that blonde-haired God!"  
  
"I'll say whatever I want, thank you," I glared at the mousey-haired cow, "And until you've talked to him, don't you dare go around defending him."  
  
"Yeah, like you've actually talked to him," Millicent crossed her arms and leaned back against her pillow, pouting slightly after I told her off.  
  
"She did," Blaise spoke up, "I saw him wave her down during the Sorting – is he really that bad? You can't just stare at him and ignore his personality?"  
  
I shuddered, "His personality's as awful as they come, and I certainly wouldn't recommend bringing him home, Millicent. He may talk his way onto the execution block or something."  
  
Millicent refused to speak for the rest of the night, her bulky form quivering slightly under her down comforter. While it may have been rather damp down in the dungeons and Common Room, the dorms were suited nicely for living.   
  
Blaise and I talked for perhaps ten minutes longer before we finally bid each other good night and blew out the candles, climbing under our own comforters and falling asleep almost immediately.   
  



	4. Have To Learn

**Save Yourself - Chapter Four**  
  
Check at the bottom for invididual thanks for everyone who reviewed. Thank you! And also, to **Krissy **- Did I get the name right? Sorry, I'm terrible with those. I'm glad we made peace - thanks for reading!  
Aimée  
  
  
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The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of Millicent's hoarse voice yelling obscenities towards Blaise, who had apparently poured a glass full of water on Millicent's square face. I was about to congratulate Blaise on her efforts – and threaten many inhuman actions if she was ever to do such a thing to me – but I thought better of it as I saw Millicent's already red face turn purple.  
  
This was going to be one hell of a day.  
  
Quietly, I sneaked off into the adjacent toilets and carefully dressed for the day; a plaid gray sweater and black skirt with a white shirt underneath, complete with a green and silver – Slytherin House colours – tie and standard black Hogwarts robes. I didn't care much for the uniform, as I was used to standing out from the crowd and the fact every other girl, Slytherin or no, would be wearing the exactly same uniform – save the tie – bothered me quite a bit more than I'd care to admit.  
  
After I had brushed my teeth, I stood in front of a mirror and critically examined myself in the way I believed Mother would have. My messy dark hair stood on end after the restless night, waiting for the daily ritual of fifty strokes on each side. I was pale from the lack of sun the past summer and my hair set that off more than usual. I wasn't, by any means, even remotely beautiful; I would have changed bodies with any other girl – besides Millicent – in a moment's time, as long as they were prettier than me.   
  
I hated the way I looked, but I reasoned this out with the thought of how every girl my age either hated their looks or simply wasn't mature enough to care yet. They were something I prayed I would be able to change as I learned more magic, for what kind of prince would want a hideous princess?  
  
After I had brushed my hair to Mother's idea of perfection, I walked down to the Common Room to attempt to find my dorm mates in hopes that between the three of us, we would be able to find our way to the Great Hall.  
  
Of course, even if I was half-Irish, my luck just didn't run that way.  
  
Sitting on one of the more comfortable chairs was Draco, flanked once again by his two cronies. I tried to escape the Common Room without him noticing me, but once again, no such luck. He stood up lackadaisically and made his way towards me, giving me no means of escape.  
  
"Pansy," he nodded as a greeting, "Sleep well?"  
  
"Like a rock," I lied, clenching my jaw as he stepped up next to me and started to lead the way out of the Common Room. "And you?"  
  
"As well as I always do," he replied vaguely, "Have you any idea where breakfast is served?"  
  
"In the Great Hall," I answered quietly, following him without complaint. "Where all the meals will be served."  
  
"You don't have to get haughty and rude," he replied, his tone suggesting injury but his expression suggesting something different entirely. "It was just a question."  
  
"I'm sorry," I apologized half-heartedly, "Do Crabbe and Goyle have to follow us everywhere?"  
  
Draco glanced back behind us where the two giants were lumbering along, obliviously to how we were discussing them.  
  
"They'll leave if I want them to."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, "And what if I want them to?"  
  
He shrugged, "You're welcome to try and get them to listen to you, of course."  
  
With a heavy sigh, I followed the boy through a maze of corridors and stairways, amazed he even remotely remembered his way from the night before.  
  
We reached the Great Hall a few minutes later, where about two-thirds of the school were sitting and eating breakfast, pouring over their distributed schedules and cramming toast into their mouths at the same time.  
  
"Amazing," I muttered, seating myself next to Draco when we reached a clear section of the Slytherin table. "You'd think they'd have more manners, chewing with their mouths open like cows."  
  
"Father would have never allowed me to eat like that," Draco agreed, wrinkling his nose in disgust and shooting an especially acid look over towards the Gryffindor table, where I noticed Harry Potter sitting next to a few redheads.  
  
"How did the whole Potter thing go yesterday?" I asked calmly, taking a piece of toast and spreading it liberally with jam.  
  
"Don't ask," Draco growled, stabbing a plateful of scrambled eggs with his fork. "He's a miserable git who doesn't have any brains in that hollow skull of his, I'll tell you that."  
  
"Reject you, did he?" I laughed lightly, not caring whether or not it was offensive. "Not everyone's going to love you, Draco. You're going to have to learn that."  
  
"Didn't I tell you to keep your smart comments to yourself yesterday?" he snapped, fork clattering to the plate, "Or was your head too full of fluff to comprehend what I meant?"  
  
My eyes narrowed, "Didn't I tell _you _my mouth was the one thing you didn't have any control over?"  
  
He scowled, "It'll have to go."  
  
I smirked sarcastically, "You told me that yesterday – I believe you mentioned some sort of a challenge?"  
  
"So I did," Draco recalled almost lazily, "A Malfoy keeps his word – it'd be best if you remembered that, especially if you're going to become one some day. If you survive that long, of course."  
  
My eyes narrowed once more, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
He shrugged, "Why don't you tell me?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, determined not to say another word as I quickly memorized my schedule and swallowed my food, no longer caring if Draco thought it was bad manners.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**bibphile:** I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing!  
  
**cooldot:** Thank you! Is a chapter a day (so far) fast enough for you? :o)  
  
**Dickens, Polyre, and everything else in between:** Yuck, rootbeer jellybellies. =Þ I feel for you. Enjoying your break?  
  
**Klee:** Shush, you :o) How's life?  
  
**lunar-scythe: **Damn, do you know how awesome you are? I read your review to Rube - thank you so much! And to answer your question, I do like Legacy. Not as much as some of the other, better-written (hey, I can insult a bit) stories out there, but... eh. :o) Thank you TONS again!  
  
**Opheliac:** Yeah, I haven't seen many - none, really - Pansy/Draco stories that take the pairing seriously, so unexplored territory sounded nice :o) Thanks!  
  
**Rae:** Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's more to Pansy than meets the eye. Thanks for the review!  
  
**Rosa-Nicole:** Thank you, I hope you like this chapter!  
  
**Tess:** Thank you, I'm really sick of all of the writers who portray Pansy as a ditzy girl who's always getting in the way and hanging off of Draco. There are things coming up with this story that may [hopefully] change some people's view on her.  
  
**whippy: **Yeah, poor Pansy :o)  



	5. Don't Break

**Save Yourself - Chapter Five****  
**  
Sorry guys, it's gonna get darker from here on out. And yes, the second half of this chapter is supposed to be sloppy and rather childish - sorry if some of the characterizations don't quite agree with you. They'll change in time. Is this long enough for you all?  
I watched the Matthew Shepard Story on TV last night - Saturday, 3/16. Anyone else see it? Good Lord, it was amazing. Makes me want to go out and seriously maime the people that did that to him - they don't deserve death.  
Aimée  
  
  
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And so it was for the next two years; he and I were constantly at war, our guards rarely ever let down. I was his challenge and he was my secret, both of us never allowing anyone else to know the true nature of our relationship. Betrothal wasn't practiced nearly as often as it had been in the past, and anyone engaged in such activity was looked down upon and laughed at for giving up their Free Will before they were old enough to object.  
  
The worst apart about it, I suppose, was that every time I saw a male – whether he was a boy or a man – I knew, no matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't have him. Under strict rules of the betrothal, I was to be pure, as they called it, the night he took me for the first time; always the blushing virgin. He, however, had no restrictions regarding his sexual activity. If he were to get someone other than myself pregnant, however, the agreement stated she was either to be killed or banned from the country.  
  
He, of course, had no reprimands.  
  
I suppose if he loved the girl, that would have been punishment enough; I knew Draco Malfoy well enough to know he had never loved a single person in his entire miserable existence. I was sure I wasn't going to be the one to change that, and he was certainly not going to give his heart to a nameless wench willing to allow him to take her to bed and fuck her brains out. Sex to him was purely a physical sensation; perhaps that's what makes females so different from males. I knew the moment I allowed him to sleep with me I would force myself to love him. It didn't matter if I hated him with a passion a mere hour beforehand – from that moment on, I would be as devoted to him as I was to my own family.  
  
That time came far sooner than I, or anyone else, had expected.  
  
During my entire First Year, I clung to the hope that perhaps Draco and I were wrong; maybe it wasn't Draco I was to marry, but another boy I had yet to meet. My fears were confirmed, however, the summer after our second year; Mother sat me down on my last day at home the summer before my third year and blatantly told me the facts of life in far more detail than I would have liked. By the time our conversation had ended, she was scolding me for allowing myself to blush too much – a new one, even for her.  
  
Our third year was far more different than the first two had been, even taking the Chamber of Secrets into account; Dementors swarmed the outside of the grounds, making passing through the gates cheerfully a complete impossibility. It's my belief that the third year would have turned out all right, if it hadn't been for one other matter I had previously been too afraid to address.  
  
Just as Mother had sat me down and informed me on how children were made – don't get me wrong, I had already known the basics; just hearing them from her own mouth was one of the most awful experiences I had ever gone through – it seemed to be that Lucius Malfoy had done the same with his son.  
  
God, was Draco ever eager to give it a go.  
  
The first time he approached me with this, I had just turned fourteen; my birthday was only two days after his, and apparently he was eager to receive a belated birthday gift from me. I was sure he was in no way concerned over whether or not I'd like it; he was notorious for thinking only of himself.  
  
I was sitting in a large, over-stuffed armchair a good distance from the rest of the Common Room occupants who were sitting around the fire talking in hushed whispers and excited yelps – never in between.  
  
I was reading a large book Father had given me for my birthday concerning various curses Hogwarts refused to teach – a rather cliché selection for him, overall. I was thinking about how his originality had vanished over the years – or perhaps my childish perspective had simply changed so much I finally saw how much of a bore he was – when a strong arm slid around my shoulders from behind and a boney chin was placed on the top of my head.  
  
"Read anymore and we may start wondering if the Sorting Hat made you mistake and Sorted you into Slytherin instead of Ravenclaw."  
  
Draco's usually harsh, edgy voice had an almost teasing quality within it as he spoke these words, his left hand placed gently on my arm.  
  
I snapped my book shut immediately, incredibly uncomfortable with the feeling of his hands on me. In all the years I had known him, he had never been so sweet and kind to me as he had been in those two minutes – and all of the similar two minutes after that. My guard was immediately up as I turned around best I could to look him in the face. Even then, his amazing looks never ceased to startle me, no matter how many times I had seen his face. I regained my wits quickly and smirked, somehow knowing I had the upper hand in this battle.  
  
"What do you want, Draco?"  
  
My tone was tolerant enough, but apparently the boy wanted more. He tightened his grip in his arm with mock affection around my shoulders, his gray eyes glinting as they always did when I challenged him.  
  
"I'd like to know if I could speak to you alone for a moment." He asked calmly, releasing pressure on me slightly.  
  
I cocked my head, only moderately curious. "What for?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow in a way that could only be from a Malfoy and gently guided me into a standing position and slowly walked me to the staircase where his dorm was.  
  
"I'd like to ask you a question, that's all," he shrugged, releasing my arm for a moment to open the thick wooden door, revealing an empty, semi-tidy dorm room. He closed the door and with a faint click, locked it, making my heart start beating a bit faster, as I had no idea what his intentions were.  
  
Call me stupid, call me naïve, but I didn't leave. I allowed him to talk to me, to ask me the question he had been dying to ask for three months then.  
  
He didn't make a sound as he took a step towards me, forcing me to step back and into the cold stone wall. I winced slightly as the back of my head came in contact with the wall, sending a burst of throbbing pain throughout my skull.  
  
"I want to know if you'd let me kiss you," he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
I gaped at him for a moment, the contact to the back of my head knocking my senses awry for a moment before I gathered my wits once again and shrugged.  
  
"You could have asked me that downstairs, Draco," I stated calmly, "But, if you must – we're going to have to get acquainted sometime. Might as well be now."  
  
I didn't know it until a few minutes later, but those were the absolute wrong words to say at that moment in time.  
  
He leaned forward almost shyly and placed his lips on mine, quite obviously not knowing what to do. I coaxed his lips to move a bit, and soon he was following my lead. It was only a minute later when he finally opened his mouth a bit, allowing me to slip my tongue through, surprising him enough to make him back up a bit.  
  
"How – where did you learn to kiss like that?" he panted slightly, eyes starring at me with mild astonishment.  
  
I shrugged, "I was taught," and left it at that.  
  
He took a moment to regain his composure from the sloppy kiss, and as he did I saw a fire in his eyes that alerted me of his intensions almost immediately.  
  
When he moved in once more and kissed me, he was more forceful than before; it was when he reached under the sweater I was wearing that set off warning bells inside my head and made me push him away, my own mind spinning.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded, crossing my arms after adjusting my shirt.  
  
He smirked, "I want to sleep with you, Pansy – is that so hard to understand?"  
  
I froze for a moment, not knowing what to say. I was sure he would have waited until we were at least sixteen to even considering doing something like that – we were fourteen, and barely at that.  
  
"You'll have me soon enough," I stated far more calmly than I felt, "A little bit of waiting won't hurt you, and I'm not about to dishonor the family name by falling pregnant. We're only fourteen and frankly, there's no way in hell you'll get me to do anything with you."  
  
He glared at me, angered by the sudden loss of his playtoy. "You said it might as well be now – why does that rule apply to kissing, but not to sex?"  
  
I sighed, "There's a huge difference, Draco, and until I know you love me, I'm not going to have sex with you."  
  
He raised an eyebrow once more, "And what if I never love you?"  
  
"Then I guess you'll just have to wait for the wedding night, won't you?" I shot back at him, turning around and preparing to leaving. He had other plans however, and he quickly took a step forward, pinning me against the wall and pressing his body against mine, making sure I knew exactly how much he wanted release.  
  
With quick grace he managed even in this situation, his hand was traveling down my stomach and finally into a place he had absolute no right to go, clothes or no clothes, and a wicked smile played across his looks.  
  
To be honest, he scared me more than he ever had and ever would at that exact moment.  
  
"Do you know what this is, Pansy?" he sneered, showing exactly how inexperienced he was by the movement of his fingers over my clothing.  
  
I stood wide-eyed and silent, as he continued for a moment, his own twisted mind somehow enjoying this little contact.  
  
With no warning, his thrust his hips forward almost instinctually, making me wince slightly – not with pain, but with dread and intense surprise.  
  
"Do you know what that is, Pansy?" he drawled, "It's what's going to make you mine. You're never going to be able to back down… If not now, it'll be worse later on, I will guarantee you that."  
  
With a sudden flurry of movement, I jerked myself away from his grip and stumbled towards the door, trying desperately to keep my composure as I unlocked the door with shaking fingers, turning once more towards him as I heard the lock click satisfyingly.  
  
"I'll take my chances."  
  
With that, I walked out the door, inwardly shaking more than I ever had before.  
_  
__ Don't Break._  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To **Pamela **and **bibphile **- thank you both for reviewing. To answer questions, their relationship will start evolving very soon, as this chapter seems to indicate. Hopefully, they'll get their butts in gear at least... :o)  



	6. Conditions

**Save Yourself - Chapter Six**  
  
  
  
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And so it continued for the rest of the year; almost every single he would take me up to his dorms and pressure me to sleep with him, and every single time I refused. For the most part, it was rather easy; I allowed him to kiss me for a bit, but when he passed the border between harmless fooling around and intent, I immediately backed down and left the room, leaving him in his misery. There were some times when that was much harder, however – times when I was absolutely convinced he was going to rape me.  
  
These times didn't happen all too often, luckily, and when they did he always seemed to regain his mind after a few moments of savagery. At night, after these incidents, I laid huddled in a ball in my bed, terrified of the one time his mind wouldn't resurface. I didn't understand why he wanted to take things so fast; neither of us liked the other much, we were simply bound together by a contract neither of us had agreed upon. It would almost be a disgrace to love one another, an insult to all of the men and women before us who had been forced into marriage and hated it.   
  
Draco was one of my two friend's favourite subjects, and much to my amazement they would stay up far past midnight giggling about how they believed he would act in bed. Blaise was sure he was what she called a tiger, while Millicent was adamant on believing he was a caring partner. They went back and forth on this many nights, and on one such night I became incredibly irritated with the conversation and felt the need to put it to rest, once and for all.  
  
"He's a Malfoy, Millicent!" Blaise sighed, "It's common knowledge they're all aggressive."  
  
Millicent glared at the redhead, her brown eyes threatening intense harm, "But he's so sweet! How can he not be gentle? He helped me in Potions once, and he touched my arm, and he was so gentle!"  
  
One thing I had learned living with Millicent for three years was that she tended to repeat herself often, making her seem just a few colours short of a rainbow.  
  
"Everyone knows they're always gentle – until you get them naked and horny," Blaise grinned wickedly, her statement making Millicent nearly fall off her bed with surprise.  
  
"But…!" Millicent stammered, searching for a non-existent rebuttal.  
  
"He's not caring and he most certainly isn't a tiger," I sighed, sitting up in the bed I was laying in.  
  
Both Blaise and Millicent eyed me suspiciously, Blaise being the one to speak; "How would you know? It's not like you've ever done him."  
  
Leave it to Blaise to be completely dense.  
  
"You're right," I eyed her, "I haven't – and I thank God everyday for that."  
  
Blaise leaned forward on her own bed, green eyes glittering with curiosity, "So how can you be so sure?"  
  
"Any guy that small can't be good in bed," I grinned, watching as both Millicent and Blaise's eyes widened.  
  
"And you would know this how?" Millicent asked, her throaty voice cutting through the silence like a knife.  
  
I raised an eyebrow, "Do you really want to know?"  
  
Blaise nodded vigorously, "If you haven't been telling us something… you'd better start talking."  
  
I sighed, "It's really none of your concern, Blaise."  
  
"You just made it my concern."  
  
I glared at the small girl, my anger only half-hearted.  
  
"Fine. I've… talked to Draco for a while now, and he's tried certain things on me – well, I can just feel him, ok?"  
  
Blaise's eyes narrowed, "Liar."  
  
I shook my head, "Believe me, I wouldn't lie about something as disgusting as that."  
  
"Liar," she hissed once more, "You've never done anything with Draco – you're just trying to make us jealous. Why would he – a fucking _God _– waste his time on you? You're ugly, _everyone _knows that."  
  
That was the absolutely wrong thing to say to me – especially since it was coming from one of the prettiest girls of our year.  
  
"Draco's been trying to shag me for the entire third year," I growled, "And if you don't want to believe me, fine – I most certainly don't give a shit."  
  
"He wouldn't waste his time," she repeated, eyes blazing fire.  
  
"No, you're wrong," I hissed, "I wouldn't waste _my _time."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Things between Blaise, Millicent, and I never returned to normal after that. I had never thought of them as true friends, but I'll admit to missing someone to talk to.  
  
After three weeks of their silence, I vowed to somehow prove to them I hadn't been lying; I saw them watch me much more carefully during those weeks, and each time Draco came up to me I could feel the anger radiating off of the two of them.  
  
They would have died rather than admit I had been telling the truth.  
  
Shortly after the three week mark of our fight, I was sitting in the Common Room, reading as I often did, when I felt Draco's presence come up behind me. I had been expecting it, and before he could touch me I turned around abruptly, making him step back slightly in surprise.  
  
"Why do we always go up to your dorms?" I asked him rather bluntly, "Are you ashamed of me?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow at my questioning, stepping forward once again to touch my shoulder.  
  
"Of course not – I just want some privacy."  
  
"Privacy for what?" I asked, gesturing around us, "There are at least three couples in here doing exactly what we do each night – more even. So why don't we just stay down here?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes, "Because I'm sure one of these days you'll let me go much, much farther than all of these – _other _couples."   
  
I stood up, dropping the book I had been reading on the floor next to the stuffed armchair I had been sitting in. Without warning, I stepped up to him, rising a bit on my feet, and kissed him full on the lips in view of everyone.  
  
I heard two horrified gasps as Blaise and Millicent caught sight of us, although perhaps they were more horrified at the fact Draco seemed to have no qualms with the whole thing – rather, he enjoyed it.  
  
I made sure of that.  
  
That night, I allowed Draco to take me upstairs – in full view of everyone. Although I'm sure he believed I had declared to him I was ready, I still stayed adamant on not sleeping with him. I did, however, make his efforts worthwhile; hands can be useful things when one doesn't want to get too intimate.  
  



	7. Dance The Night Away

**Save Yourself - Chapter Seven****  
**  
  
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It was in fourth year that our relationship finally started moving; The beginning of our fourth year was much like our third, between Draco and I. The similarities ended there, however – the Tri-Wizard tournament had come to Hogwarts, and with it came the first honest threat I felt.  
  
A Veela by the name of Fleur Delacour.  
  
Even the first time I noticed her, standing in the front of the Great Hall with her Headmistress, readily accepting the challenge of becoming Beauxbaton's Champion, I felt an incredible wave of jealousy spread across my body as I watched Draco stare up at her hungrily. My only comfort was knowing she was three years older – never would she even consider a relationship with him.  
  
I avoided the silver-haired girl as much as possible during the eight months she stayed at Hogwarts. The closest I had come to being near her was at the Yule Ball –  
  
Oh, God. The Yule Ball.  
  
Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if Mother hadn't sent me the most horrible, frilly, pink dress robes she could find; I'm sure, somewhere in her pea-sized brain, she figured the large price tag on it must have meant it was a treasure. She was wrong on that one, though.  
  
Can you believe I actually fainted when I saw it for the first time?  
  
Ok, I'll admit it wasn't a real faint – I did get very dizzy suddenly however, and I did fall back onto my bed, much to my dorm mates' amusement. The robes were my first hint towards how absolutely awful the night was going to be.  
  
I spent hours getting ready that Christmas, trying desperately to try to distract everyone from my hideous dress robes by making myself as beautiful as I could; makeup was applied, hair was done, push-up bras were snapped on, and – to my horror – notes on safe sex were dispersed through the Slytherin dorms by Head Boy that year. He insisted on lecturing us thoroughly, making sure none of us turned up pregnant a month afterwards; there was absolutely nothing worse than a disgraced and pregnant Slytherin, especially one who became that way during a one-night-stand. It just didn't happen.  
  
I met Draco down in the Common Rooms at the time we had decided on, slowly descending the stairs with what I hoped was the grace of a Parkinson. Zachary had graduated after my first year, so I no longer had anyone else to look up to within the dorms; I rather liked it, to be honest.  
  
As I looked at Draco for the first time that night, I suppressed the urge to both swoon and laugh at the same time. His dress robes were undoubtedly the most expensive his Mother could get her hands on, but God were they awful looking on him. The high neck simply didn't fit his personality in the least, just as the pink frills I wore clashed with the sarcastic, dark person I hoped I had matured into.  
  
He made a face when he noticed my odd expression, "Don't you dare laugh."  
  
I shook my head, taking his arm with my left, "I won't, as long as you promise not to."  
  
He sighed, "Aren't we supposed to be powerful?"  
  
I shrugged, stepping with him out the door of the Common Room and into the dank dungeons, "I suppose."  
  
"Then why the hell are we stuck with these awful robes?"  
  
I smirked, "If we start making an issue out of it, Draco, other people will as well. I'm sure we're not nearly as bad off as some others; just keep the price of this… black… thing in mind. It should keep you happy for a while."  
  
He sighed, bringing the back of his hand to massage my neck gently, which was a curious display of affection for him.  
  
"As long as Weasley's suffering, I haven't a problem with it."  
  
I grinned and reached up to kiss his cheek, "That's my boy."  
  
We reached the Great Hall a few minutes early, both of us rather nervous as we stepped into the swarming crowd. I noticed Draco immediately searched the crowds for Ron Weasley, his eyes sweeping the top of heads for the shock of red hair he so adamantly insulted on a daily basis.  
  
"Good," he whispered to me, "He's wearing those awful robes his Mum bought him – second hand, maybe even third or fourth hand – If he wasn't such an idiot, I'd almost feel sorry for the guy."  
  
Before I had a chance to reply, McGonagall announced the Ball was about to begin. I winced as I saw what she was wearing, suddenly not so angry with the robes I had been assigned to.  
  
Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang walked by us with Fleur and a boy I didn't recognize, followed by Viktor Krum and a girl I was absolutely floored to see holding onto his arm.  
_  
__ Hermione Granger._  
  
After everything I had said to her, every time I had insulted her with the ease that was expected of me, the worthless Mudblood wench had gotten one of the most sought-after boys in the building.  
  
It was so unfair, I couldn't even mutter an insult her way.  
  
Dinner was fairly uneventful; I could feel Millicent and Blaise's eyes upon me as I stayed silent, allowing Draco to speak with his friends. I had no reason to talk to him – he had invited me to the ball with him just for the sake of him not going alone.   
  
When the champions stood up to start the dance, I once again noticed Draco's eyes following Fleur as she stepped onto the dance floor, the handsome bloke she had in tow absolutely stupefied.   
  
I nudged Draco, making him snap back into reality and take his mind off of the Veela. He sighed and put one long, skinny arm around my waist, pulling me close to him.  
  
When that particular dance ended, Draco led me out onto the dance floor and carefully placed his hands on my waist – which was when I realized just how horrible a dancer he really was.  
  
"Haven't you ever danced before?" I asked his quietly, as not to embarrass him.  
  
He shook his head, "Never cared to."  
  
I cocked my head slightly, curious, "Why are you now?"  
  
He shrugged, "You want to, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," I replied, "But I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."  
  
_Ha, take THAT, Draco!_  
  
"I'm willing as long as you are," he answered, his hand sliding up to my side, "I'll dance all night if you want to."  
  
I was instantly wary of his offer, knowing he'd expect something in return. We continued dancing through the night, however, without incident – he never once leaned over to kiss me.  
  
To be honest, while the dancing was fun in a way, it was a very boring night. I only spoke with Draco – even then, it was just a few minutes worth of conversation total. He spent most of his time gazing at Fleur Delacour, his steel eyes following her every movement. After a half hour of this, I gave up trying to get his attention and simply focused on dancing, not saying a word to him the rest of the dance.  
  
When the dance ended, I heard many people groan; I, however, was quite content with ending it there. Draco was no longer paying a bit of attention to me and, to be honest, I wasn't used to being ignored. We walked back to the Slytherin Common Room in silence, Draco speaking the password for the slab of stone to admit us.  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly, looking at me for the first time in over three hours, "For coming with me."  
  
I blinked, startled to hear his voice directed towards me. I gave him a small smile, however, and nodded, "You're welcome."  
  
He nodded towards the staircase leading towards his dorms, "You're welcome to come up."  
  
_ Since when was he polite about the whole thing?_  
  
I shook my head gently, feeling my curls brush up against my cheek, "No, not tonight."  
  
He nodded respectfully, "Ok, I can deal with that."  
  
With a small smile he leaned over and kissed me gently – quite out of character for him, really – and wrapped his arms around my shoulders in an embrace.  
  
"Goodnight, love," he whispered, kissing my cheek once more and then releasing me.  
  
"Goodnight," I replied, smiling once more and turning around to go up the stairs leading to my dorm in a slight daze. Draco had been nice – too nice, and he didn't want anything in return. Something was definitely wrong with the situation.  
  
When I reached the top of the stairs, I opened the door quietly, wincing as it squeaked.  
  
"Who's out there?" Blaise called from behind her curtains, her voice slightly muffled.  
  
"It's just me," I replied half-heartedly, still distracted by Draco's behavior.  
  
"Get the hell out of here!" she yelled, "I'm in the middle of something!"  
  
I snorted, moving over to her bed, "What the hell could you be busy with that you'd kick me out?"  
  
"It's none of your damn business," she growled.  
  
I rolled my eyes and pulled back the curtain, "Give me a br—"  
  
I stopped in mid-sentence, too shocked to speak. On the bed was a partially-covered Blaise, laying on top of a boy I recognized to be Seamus Finnigan, one of Harry Potter's friends.  
  
With a shocked squeak, I quickly tugged the curtains back into place and fled the room, slamming the door as I left. It wasn't so much Blaise having sex that surprised me – it was the fact she was doing so with a Gryffindor.  
  
I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could into the almost abandoned Common Room, kicking off my shoes as I went. I took no notice of anyone who was in there, I was too set on finding my armchair and collapsing into it.   
  
I was stopped before I reached it though, by a pair of hands grabbing my shoulders to steady my stance. I turned around, fully prepared to yell at the person who dared to touch me, when I caught site of who it was.  
  
All in all, I wasn't too surprised when I found Draco starring at me, his eyes questioning me silently.  
  
"I just got kicked out of my dorm," I said harshly, "Blaise doesn't want anyone knowing she's fucking a Gryffindor."  
  
With that, Draco's eyes widened and he snorted, the smile I had seen just minutes before reappearing on his lips.  
  
"I suppose she'll just have to pay the price for it tomorrow then, won't she?" he smirked, taking my shoes I held in my right hand and guiding me up towards his staircase. "Come on – I promise we won't have to do anything. I just want to make sure you've got a bed to sleep in."  
  
My eyes widened; never mind the fact he wanted me to go upstairs to his dorms with him on the one night he would have expected me to sleep with him, but his personality had done a complete turn-about in six hours. He wasn't the sarcastic, cruel, manipulative Malfoy I had known for almost four years now – he was almost nice, and dare I say caring?  
  
I allowed him to guide me up the stairs to his dorm, where Crabbe and Goyle were mercifully sleeping soundly. He released my arm, leaving me standing there gazing around while he went to his trunk and shifted through it for a moment, finally producing a huge shirt. He held it out to me and I took it, slightly confused.  
  
"Unless you're willing to go back into your dorm, I suggest you put that on. I'll turn around."   
  
I nodded silently as he turned around to shift back through his trunk. I reached around my back to undo the buttons that held part of my robes together, taking a few moments to realize I wasn't able to reach them.  
  
I cringed, turning around to face Draco's back, "Err, Draco?"  
  
"Yes?" he asked, careful not to turn around.  
  
"I'm sorry, but could you help me with this?" I asked timidly, automatically reaching behind my back to try the buttons again.  
  
He turned around slowly and nodded, walking behind me to where my hands were.  
  
"All of them?" he asked.  
  
"Please," I answered, closing my eyes as his cool hands slid over my neck and down to where the first button lay. He slowly undid all of them, running a finger down my spine as he finished.  
  
"Thank you," I said quietly. He nodded and turned around once more as I slid out of my dress and into the large shirt which came down to my knees. I reached underneath it and undid the clasp to my rather uncomfortable push-up bra and untangled it from my body, dropping it on top of the frilly robe.  
  
"Finished," I announced. "Thanks."  
  
Draco nodded, turning around and motioning for me to go over to his bed while he changed out of his black robes as well. I did so, perching myself backwards on his bed so I was facing the wall instead of him.  
  
He finished in a matter of seconds and carefully climbed in next behind me, pulling the heavy comforter back and allowing me to climb under it first.  
  
"Thanks," I said for what I was sure to be the hundredth time that evening as he pulled the blankets over him as well. After a moment of adjusting, I rolled over to the very edge of the bed and faced away from him as he pulled the curtains around the bed closed. He lay at least a foot away from me as I slowly fell asleep, too tired to even register the fact I was in his bed.  
  
Just as I was falling asleep, I felt him roll over close to me, his arm wrapping around my waist. He was careful not to press up against me too much as he ran his fingers gently through my hair.  
  
I kept my eyes closed tight as he kissed my neck, his lips less than an inch away from my ear. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, and I shuddered to think of what we could get away with like this.  
  
I was almost asleep once again as he nuzzled me gently, almost as if he was afraid to wake me – he was sure I was asleep. I felt his breath by my ear once more, and in the darkness of the dorm, he spoke.  
  
"I love you."  
  



	8. Revenge of the Sweetest

**Save Yourself, Chapter Eight**  
  
Well, I get revenge for... something. I don't remember what exactly, all I know is I'm going to have two very annoyed people on my hands after this is over and done... :o) Enjoy.  
Aimée  
  
  
  
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Needless to say, Draco kept his promise to me – the next day, he did everything in his power to make sure Blaise was ridiculed and humiliated for sleeping with Seamus. There wasn't a soul who didn't know by the time the sun set on December 26th, and I'm sure it was made even worse by the fact the boy she lusted after – Draco – was the one doing the talking.  
  
After that, she was an absolute disgrace to the Slytherin house. No longer was she the dominant girl in our dorm, I had taken up that position.  
  
God, how she hated me.  
  
She didn't dare do anything about it, however, with the knowledge I had a Malfoy on my side; even by the Slytherins, the Malfoys were feared. No one knew I was betrothed to Draco, but it was common knowledge we had a certain… relationship… that didn't include the traditional methods of dating.  
  
Call it friends with benefits, if you must – except, to be honest, we weren't that great of friends. We talked, of course, but it was mostly an issue of becoming physical; I had never told him I had heard him the night of the Yule Ball and he had never asked, nor had he ever said it again. I didn't want to take the chance he had simply said it to try and get me to sleep with him – the fact he said it while he believed me to be asleep and how he never said it again worked against that theory, though, and I was almost ready to admit perhaps he had truly meant it.  
  
With the ending of the Triwizard tournament and the death of Cedric Diggory, our fourth year came to an end. It wasn't the death of the Hufflepuff champion Draco and I concentrated, it was the circulating rumors Voldemort had indeed risen again. Neither Draco nor I were sure if our parents were Death Eaters; we both had our suspicions, however. I had never seen the Dark Mark on my father's arm fully, but I had seen an inch or so of it time to time. I hadn't thought much of it until Draco pointed out that was the sign of a true Death Eater; he was almost positive his own father was.  
  
The train ride home was hell; Draco had insisted on seeing Potter for one last word after we pulled out, and I fear he spent the rest of the train ride cursed in a heap with Crabbe and Goyle. I'm sure he deserved it, he was a Malfoy after all. When I found him after the train had pulled into the station, I didn't bother reviving him; instead, I sent for Lucius, who rather reluctantly revived his son and threatened him with all sorts of torture we both know never happened. Draco was a spoiled brat; his father didn't dare lay a hand on his heir.  
  
My nanny, a French girl by the name of Helena, picked me up from King's Cross and used the family auto to bring my trunk and I back to the Parkinson Estate, which lie in the country outside of London. I wasn't eager to face my mother, knowing she'd scrutinize me in every way possible, but I was eager to see my father. Even when I was home, I rarely received the chance to spend time with him. Instead, he made it up to me by buying me everything I wanted – as long as it had my mother's approval. I didn't own a single thing Mother didn't know about, she made sure of that.  
  
It was perhaps three weeks into holiday when Mother insisted throwing one of her bi-monthly extravaganzas in honor of – well, to be honest, I had no idea why she threw them. It was a whim of hers, one that often cost Father a great deal of money. He just smiled and went along with it, however, sometimes even bothering to make an appearance.  
  
It started out as every other party Mother had thrown; aristocrat guests came streaming through the door, many attempting to be fashionably late but just ending up arriving with many others. I recognized many of the faces there; the Notts, the Flints, even the Crabbes and Goyles decided to come, in all their stupid and ugly glory. I didn't think it was possible to be any stupider than those two families, an opinion I still hold in spite of everything. Both Crabbe and Goyle Jrs. had blonde girls on their arms, Crabbe's I recognized as a - in the school year to come - Fifth Year Ravenclaw by the name of Collette and the other I knew as a Fourth Year Slytherin by the name of Elizabeth, both of whom I hadn't gotten around to being acquainted with.  
  
It was common knowledge the Malfoys were to come; however, they had never brought their son. If they had, I wouldn't have bothered daydreaming about my wedding for the first eleven years of my life. I would have known exactly how it was going to be the moment I set eyes on Draco; cruel, short, and impossibly unromantic.   
  
This time, however, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy seemed to have remembered they did in fact have a son, who was perfectly able to hold his own in public. I didn't bother looked up as the Malfoys were announced, quite positive there was no way they would have changed after fifteen years of Draco's absence. Obviously, I was wrong.  
  
Draco found me perhaps twenty minutes after they had arrived, his black dress robes much more formal and regal-looking than the ones he had worn to the Yule Ball. I was standing in a circle of women perhaps five years older than me who were all speaking about the latest gossip, such as how one of their own hadn't given her husband an heir yet – after three girls. Privately, I was rather disgusted at how the ladies spoke of their companion, as if it was truly her fault for producing three girls in a row. If she hadn't been disposed of yet by her husband, they truly had nothing to worry about; he was obviously happy, or at least content, with the results.  
  
I felt a tentative touch in the small of my back as Draco laid his palm there, the casual contact sending shivers up my spine. I hated to admit it, but I was already extremely taken with the blonde I was promised to; ever since he had said those three small words to me, I saw him in a new light. No longer was he the cruel, self-centered Malfoy I had always seen before; he was a boy with more power than he could handle, completely void of any emotion he thought he wasn't allowed to have. He later confessed to me he felt throughout his childhood he wasn't allowed to be happy – therefore, he constantly withdrew himself from actions that would truly, in all senses of the word, make him happy.  
  
I spun around, my eyes wide with surprise as to how someone dared to touch me so… intimately was the only would I could come up with at the time – in public. When I saw the face I so often touched come into view, I let out a sigh of relief, glad to know it was him.  
  
"Draco!" I exclaimed, "I didn't think you had come tonight."  
  
"Neither did I," he admitted, "But Mother talked Father into letting me out in public for once – you would think they were ashamed of me, they way they keep me pent up half the time."  
  
He let out a half-hearted laugh and nodded towards an empty corner of the room we were in, "Would you like to go talk over there? These… ladies… are a bit too chatty for my taste."  
  
I smirked, knowing full well the ladies he spoke of had heard every word of our conversation and were probably extremely insulted that a mere boy – Malfoy or no – would dare question and even insult them in public.  
  
"I have an even better idea," I purred, taking him by the arm and leading him out of the room and down one of the many halls, "Would you like to see my bedroom?"  
  
His eyes widened, "Pansy… I know it's going to happen soon enough and all, but I'd rather like to live to marry you."  
  
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, still striding down the halls with Draco at my side.  
  
"If your father… or mother… catches us…" He began, looking around nervously.  
  
I laughed lightly, "I never thought I'd see the day you'd be nervous, Draco. What are you so worried about?"  
  
"Getting caught." He announced rather bluntly.  
  
"There's no one to catch us," I smirked, "Besides, we're not going to fuck, don't worry about it. I just want to show you my kitten."  
  
"Your… kitten?" Draco raised an eyebrow, "You have a kitten?"  
  
"Of course," I answered, raising my eyebrows, "Don't you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
**  
****A Writer:** Wow, thanks! Yeah, he was serious... That'll all come into play later, don't worry :o)  
  
**Daniella:** He meant it, so she's allowed to fall for it. :o)  
  
**Jessica - Canada: **Yeah, he meant it. Thanks for the reviews all over the place! :o)  
  
**Kathryn Malfoy:** Does this constitute as "more"? Hopefully. Thanks!  
  
**Megan: **I love you, you know that? *G* Why was I getting revenge again?  
  
**Miss Polyre: **Yeah, I know. =Þ Remember why I had to get revenge? I forgot.  
  
**Pamela: **Thanks! I hope you liked this chapter. :o)  
  
**Rae: **Surprisingly, he actually meant it. Weird, eh?   
  
**The Evil Bunny:** Yep, Mr. Draco finally admits he loves her... strange, eh?  
  



	9. It All Came Tumbling Down

**Save Yourself, Chapter Nine**  
  
  
  
Well, Spring Break's almost over - the last major break of the year. I don't know whether to be happy or depressed; two months of no-breaks means two things: one, two months of no serious sleeping in, and two, in two months I'll be in Arizona and SUMMER would have started.  
I hate having to grapple over things like that. =Þ  
Hey, a friendly reminder - I like reviews, and I *DO* actually answer/respond to all of them. Even the flamers, although it might not be a very nice response, depending on what was flamed. Certainly things, I don't mind... others.. grr. You may find two Author references buried somewhere inside this chapter, which was mainly done to make a certain friend of mine happy. Fire... You'd better be. :o)  
Aimée  
  
  
  
-----  
  
  
  
Nothing happened that night – don't go around assuming things you don't know about. I simply showed him the kitten I had recently acquired; there was nothing to assume about it.  
  
The rest of the night passed uneventfully; our parents seemed absolutely delighted at the idea of the two of us spending time together, regardless of their marriages not being out of love, or even like. Even my brother, Zachary, seemed extremely happy with the idea of Draco and I's marriage being one we could both learn to love.  
  
The months came and went, and finally we were entering our Sixth Year of Hogwarts. I didn't see Draco any other time during those months; my time was often occupied with lessons of becoming the Perfect Little Wife. Mother constantly instructed me on ways to make him happy, ways to keep him happy, but most importantly, ways to wrap his heart around my little finger so I could get anything I wanted. I'll admit, I wasn't too offended with the notion of twisting Draco to my every want and whim, but I wasn't too crazy about the idea to take away a man's free will. It took perhaps two weeks for Mother to finally get me to realize it was the man's fault for falling for a woman's tricks in the first place, not ours for causing them.  
  
There was nothing extraordinary about Hogwarts when we returned; we both noticed a few students missing from the ranks of all four Houses, none of whom I knew personally. The list of First Years didn't seem any smaller, however, so I wasn't concerned.   
  
The first two months of classes were normal and fairly uneventful, save the occasional rumors of so-and-so dating this person and this person dating so-and-so. Surprisingly enough, throughout the tangled mess of dating, Crabbe and Goyle managed to maintain their current girlfriends, the girls who had attended Mother's party with them; Collette Eddings and Elizabeth McCaffrey. The later I saw often in the Slytherin Common Room, often surrounded by the girls of her years and giggling over something or another. The former I had only one class with and hadn't gotten the chance to know very well; I hadn't a clue how she had tricked the Sorting Hat into Sorting her into Ravenclaw, however, as she seemed to be attached to Crabbe's hip each and every time I saw them. She had been in the Slytherin dorms multiple times that I knew of – although why she had even consented to be with the stupid git, I didn't know.  
  
The thought they were perhaps in the same situation as Draco and I never crossed my mind.  
  
It was shortly after my seventeenth birthday, in late October, and shorting before Draco's seventeenth birthday, in mid-November, that my life split, for the first time, into two Eras.   
  
It was no longer uncommon to see Draco and myself doing homework in front of the fire in the Common Room, often silent but always in contact with one another physically. While I was within his range, that year he rarely ever left me alone. I was to always be touched, whether it was a mere crossing of ankles or his arms wrapping protectively around me possessively. Draco and I were extremely possessive and jealous – I suppose in the long run, that deemed to be a very good thing indeed, but we'll get to that later.  
  
I was busily writing a Charms essay for Professor Flitwick when I noticed a second-year girl standing perhaps two feet in front of me, blocking my view of the fire. She was standing with her arms behind her back, timidly waiting for me to address her.  
  
"Yes?" I asked impatiently, missing the heat she was blocking from the fire. Draco shifted slightly next to me, forcing me to remove my legs from his lap as I had leaned up against the armrest of the small couch we were sitting in.  
  
"Professor Snape asked me to come and get you," the girl answered, her high voice full of pride for being assigned such a task. "He asked to see you in his office, and he said for you to bring Mr. Malfoy as well."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at this request, briefly wondering if it was a ploy to get Draco and I out of the Common Room and into the halls during the forbidden night hours. I quickly dismissed the thought, however, sighing and shifting around to stand up and set my essay on the small table positioned in front of the soda.  
  
"Thanks," I replied curtly, nodding my head in a dismissal. The girl quickly disappeared, leaving Draco and I to slowly walk the length of the Common Room – silently – and into the dank stone hallways of the Hogwarts Dungeons.  
  
It was perhaps a two minute walk from the Slytherin dorms to the Potion Master's office, where Draco and I found him not busily writing as I had expect, but reading a piece of parchment on top of his desk.  
  
"Professor?" I asked, sounding more than a little defensive for reasons even I did not know.  
  
He looked up, his cool demeanor no longer display on his pale features. He fixed his eyes upon me and stood, setting the parchment down in front of him almost regretfully.  
  
"Good evening, Ms. Parkinson," he murmured, glancing at Draco, "Mr. Malfoy. May I ask you to please allow Ms. Parkinson and I a bit of privacy?"  
  
Dejectedly, Draco nodded and gave my shoulder a squeeze before gracefully stepping out of the room, closing the old wooden door behind him. I then turned to Professor Snape, curious as to why he was acting in such a strange way.  
  
"Ms. Parkinson," he said again, "Pansy… Please, take a seat."  
  
He gestured towards the two nondescript chairs sitting in front of his desk as he sat down in his own high-backed armchair, his eyes locked on every move I made. I obliged, still extremely curious.  
  
"I'm assuming you're wondering why I called you down here at such a late hour," he spoke, his hands placed together with his fingers intertwined.  
  
I nodded, "Yes, I am." I wasn't nervous or even afraid; rather, a sort of calm had washed over me, soothing my nerves and dulling my sense of fear to almost nothing.  
  
"Ms. Parkinson," he sighed, leaning forward, "I fear I have some bad news for you."  
  
I inwardly winced; that was absolutely no way to start a conversation.  
  
"Earlier today, there was a Death Eater attack – on the Parkinson Estate, I'm afraid."  
  
My eyes widened, "Is my family all right?"  
  
He shook his head, "No, Ms. Parkinson, there were… casualties. Your Mother and Zachary were both killed."  
  
I can remember exactly what happened in that very instant, even years later; I felt my stomach turn to ice and I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment. Slowly, numbness like I had never experienced spread throughout my body, even as fire coursed through my veins.  
  
All in a moment, my world had come crashing down.  
  
"And…" I choked, almost unable to speak, "Father?"  
  
Professor Snape sighed once more, something I had never seen him do since that day; "He was the leader of the attack, in charge of the ones who raided your home and murdered your family."  
  
I believe it was at that point the one thing I had always told myself to prevent the flood of emotions I knew was about to happen flashed through my mind, completely paralyzing my mind, restricting my thoughts to only those two words:  
  
_Don't Break._  
  
I stood up slowly and numbly thanked the professor for informing me of such an event, knowing how hard it must have been for him to say something, as my brother had been one of his favorite students and he had known my Mother during their Hogwarts years. Vaguely, I heard him ask me to sit back down, but I was already moving towards the door. In two long strides, he was in front of me, blocking the rusty old door from my view. Once again, he asked me to sit back down, and this time I knew I had no choice.  
  
"Pansy, I can't express how sorry I am to have to have had to tell you such a thing—please, I need to know, what can I do for you? Would you like me to escort you Madame Pomfrey? She could give you something to sleep—"  
  
I shook my head, raising my hand to interrupt the man. "I don't need anything, Professor, thank you. Just… bring Draco in here and tell him, or was there something else you needed to speak to him about?"  
  
My body was on autopilot, my mind locked away in some obscure corner of my brain. I was not going to allow this man—this cold-hearted, stingy man—to see me cry. I was numb, a feeling I would be experiencing for the next several months.  
  
He nodded slowly and summoned Draco into the office and quietly told him what he had just told me. Draco's eyes had widened and he had gone even more pale than before, a feat I had thought impossible before that night. I must give him credit, however; he managed to hold himself together, his strength giving me one more reason not to cry.  
  
"I'll take her back to the dorms, Professor," he offered after a few moments of silence, "Or would you rather me take her up to the hospital wing?"  
  
The Professor frowned for a moment, thinking, "Headmaster Dumbledore is aware of this, of course. He recommended she stay in the hospital wing for at least a day—Pansy, is that all right with you?"  
  
I smirked to myself; the man had absolutely no idea how to handle the current situation. Neither of them did, and to be completely honest, it showed.  
  
I didn't respond, the numbness I felt still control my body and emotions. Both Professor Snape and Draco took my silence as a yes, and I was quietly escorted down to the Hospital Wing, where a tired looking Madame Pomfrey assigned me a bed.  
  
I don't remember much about that night; my body was on autopilot and my mind had still locked itself away somewhere, unable to escape from the prison it had placed itself in. All I remember is I didn't sleep at all; my eyes stayed open, focused out the window in the Wing, and Draco sat next to me the entire night, holding my hand and never - not once - letting it go.  
  
Never.  
  
  
  
  
-----  
  
  
  
  
**bibphile: **Draco's NEVER that honest, so yeah... a little bluntness was good for him, even if it was slightly OOC. *shrug* I've never paid too much attention to all that characterness anyway... Pansy and Draco aren't the most developed, 3D characters in the series anyway. :o)  
**  
Elizabeth: **Yeah, yeah... I told you, the only way I'm sticking Cassandra in THIS story is if she suddenly decides to have a lesbian affair with Millicent.... which may actually happen, depending on how cruel I feel. :o) Cassandra should be staying in FDTMA, I think... *shrug* How'd Latin go?  
**  
Genius Girl: **Damn, that was a nice review! Thank you :o) Eh, it's not a great story, but I like it enough to continue - and I'm incredibly glad you like it as well. Yep, you got the whole "Would have said it more than once/While she was awake" thing exactly right, great job!  
**  
****Jessica-Canada:** I'm glad you liked it, and yeah... He meant it. That'll play a lovely little part in the next chapter, I believe. Thanks again!  
  
**Kathryn Malfoy:** I'm glad you liked it so far :o) I don't know if you're still as happy with it as before though... killing them off was fairly necessary to the rest of the plotline though, so... :o)  
  
**Megan: **I think I told you what I was getting revenge for... I don't remember the details though =Þ I remember why Fire's getting the treatment though. Hmph. *G*  
**  
****sevvies sweetie:** Aww, thank you! I'm flattered you think so highly of this. Thanks again! :o)  
  
  
(**_These reviews are so much easier to answer than the ones for Sixteen Candles, geez... They don't take forever to respond to. :o) _**)   



	10. I Shall Believe

**Save Yourself, Chapter Ten**  
  
I'm back. Miss me? :o) Sorry, had to write a longarse story for someone... It was rather annoying, but I'm happy with the results. 113 pages (this story's only 17 as of now) in five or six weeks. It was a big deal :o)  
Aimée  
  
  
  
  
  
  
After a brief bout in the hospital wing under the constant supervision—suicide watch?—of the nosy Madame Pomfrey, I was released in the late evening with instructions to take it easy and to go to Professor Snape if I wanted to talk. I rolled my eyes when the last bit was announced, knowing I would never dream of going to the steel-hearted professor looking for a heart-to-heart.  
  
As I walked out of the dreary hospital wing, I immediately took notice of the blonde leaning up against the cold stone wall, his arms crossed and gray eyes concerned. I stopped directly in front of him, only a pace away, and he remained against the wall, his eyes taking in each weary feature of my face. After perhaps a minute of this, he gently reached out and took my pale hand in his, leading me back to the Slytherin Common Room.   
  
He started to lead me to one of the smaller couches hidden in a dark corner, but I stopped as we came across the stairs leading up to his dorm room, touching his elbow to make sure he understood I didn't want to stay in the open.  
  
"I don't want to stay down here." My voice was barely above a whisper and I refused to place any emotion in my tone, knowing if I did, I would burst into tears almost immediately.  
  
Draco nodded carefully, his gray eyes alight with curiosity. "Where would you like to go then?"  
  
Slowly, I turned my head towards the winding staircase that led up to his dormitory, and he immediately got the message.   
  
"Pansy, I don't think we should—"  
  
"I want to," I interrupted him quietly. "Or at the very least, I want to be alone with you."  
  
He sighed and finally nodded in defeat. "I don't want it to go any further than usual tonight, okay?"  
  
I stayed silent as I turned towards the stairway, walking up them slowly, the numbness I felt not allowing me any eagerness. He touched my waist carefully as he came up behind me, his other hand turning the door handle once we reached our destination.  
  
The dorm was surprisingly empty, the four carefully made beds standing side-by-side in a row. I moved slowly to the one I knew Draco slept in, slipping my shoes off before I sat down on the forest green sheets. He moved to join me, mimicking my actions in a sort of reserved curiosity he thought I couldn't see.  
  
"What did you think when you first saw me?"  
  
My question was blunt, but it was something I absolutely had to know. One hint he hadn't approved—a single word saying he hadn't liked what he had saw—and I know I would go immediately back to my dorms and do everything in my power to take my life, knowing then it wouldn't be a life worth living.  
  
He was quiet for a moment, the silence hanging between us neither tense nor friendly. He looked directly at me as he spoke, his face honest and words earnest.  
  
"I thought you were beautiful."  
  
With his words, my heart absolutely melted, and I finally kissed him. In that kiss I placed all of the frustration and sadness that coursed through my veins at that very moment, and I knew he could feel it.  
  
He tasted the fire in my kiss and returned one equally as passionate, placing his hands on my shoulders as to guide me to him. I carefully moved forward and reached for the hem of the sweater I was wearing, no longer caring if we were moving too fast. I wanted—needed—a way to express the emotions that were tumbling around inside of me, unable to emerge from the vast surface of numbness I had placed upon me.   
  
He allowed me to lift up my sweater and he did them same with his, leaving us both clothed in white button-up shirts. I lifted my shaking fingers to unbutton his, his smooth chest rising heavily as I revealed it. I pushed the garment off his shoulders and then moved to my own shirt, allowing it to slip off my torso easily, leaving me in my bra and the skirt Draco had brought down for me that morning.   
  
"Pansy," he whispered, breaking the contact between us to look directly down towards me. "I don't think we should—"  
  
"Draco." I placed one finger upon his moist swollen lips. "I don't care what you think. You've been wanting this for three years now—just let it happen."  
  
"I'm not about to take advantage of you," he persisted, talking past my finger. "I love you too much to hurt you like that."  
  
_ He had said it._  
  
"You won't," I promised him quietly, my very being bursting with a newfound compassion for the reluctant boy sitting next to me. "Just—please, Draco. I _need _this. I need to know that I can feel—I need something that only _you _can give me. Please?"  
  
He sighed and after what felt like an eternity, he nodded. "I don't want to hurt you," he repeated softly, his low voice rumbling.  
  
"You won't," I insisted once more, taking no time in pressing my lips up against his once more. He relaxed into the kiss and allowed me to remove the skirt I was wearing and unbutton the soft black slacks he had on. They were discarded after only a moment, leaving both him and me down to our undergarments.  
  
"Come on," he coaxed gently, pulling back the sheets that lie on his mattress. I complied, slipping between the cool sheets with easy as he drew the curtains shut around his bed, leaving only a soft light coming from a candle he had lit on the wall above his headboard. He crawled in next to me, the warmth of our bodies instantly heating the space underneath the sheets.  
  
Once he was lying down next to me, I rolled over and straddled his lean body, my hand finding the flat of his stomach and slowly ran my fingers from his diaphragm to the very edge of the underwear he was wearing. I could feel the soft trail of down leading underneath, but I chose not to follow it—not yet, anyway.   
  
He leaned forward to kiss me once more, his hands cautiously making their way to my back, where he tried to unclasp my bra; after a few moments of this, I smiled despite the emotional numbness I felt and unclasped it for him, leaving me completely exposed from the waist up.  
  
He gazed at my bare skin for a moment, taking in the soft reflecting of the candle light. I could feel his reaction to my sudden nakedness, and I felt a strange thrill rising up within me as he raised one hand to carefully—almost timidly—touch me.  
  
I leaned forward to bring our lips together once again, pressing my chest up against his. He wasted no time and gently rolled the two of us over, leaving him on top of me. I suddenly became acutely aware of how little fabric there was between the two of us, and the garments started to hinder more than protect.   
  
Draco fixed that soon enough as he pulled his own underwear off, leaving him completely naked under the soft sheets. I did the same, the bashfulness I had expected surprisingly not rising.  
  
I could feel him pressing up against my hip in an almost crude manner, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. He allowed one hand to travel down past my bellybutton and over my hip, finally making its way to a place that had always—and would always—belong to him. Tentatively, he looked up towards me, an unspoken question resting in his eyes.  
  
"Anything," I answered, my voice hardly more than a breath.  
  
He leaned forward to kiss me once more, his fingers exploring the region, probing in places that made me gasp aloud. I could feel him smile through our kiss as he found the place he had been looking for, sending a shockwave of sensations coursing through my body.   
  
_"God…" _I whispered tightly as I arched into his hand involuntarily. He continued to tease me for a few moments before finally moving his fingers and dipping in to me. My eyes widened with this new sensation, and the sudden thought of where he had learned it flickering through my mind. I didn't have time to ponder it, however, as he added a second finger, making me draw in my breath quickly.  
  
After I had grown used to the feeling, I slowly snaked my hand down between our bodies, finding the hardness that pressed persistently into my hip. I took him in my hand, rubbing my thumb against the tip and squeezing gently in a rhythm that matched his own movements. I applied pressure with my hand, shifting it up and down, making him moan quietly.   
  
He regained control soon thereafter and moved slowly to place his lips upon my neck, his hot breath tickling my skin as he breathed. "Are you ready?"  
  
His voice was hardly more than a whisper, and mutely, I nodded in response. I removed the grip I had on him as he removed his fingers, quieting my sudden cry by replacing it with something that had belonged in me the moment my parents had signed our betrothal contract.  
  
The pressure inside of me was dreadfully pleasurable as he slowly slid inside of me. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out as he gently, albeit painfully, broke past the natural barrier within me. Concern filled his eyes as he stopped, leaving him only halfway buried in me.  
  
"Am I hurting you?"  
  
Wordlessly, I nodded even as tears filled my eyes. "It's okay though, keep going—_please_."  
  
He nodded and continued his painfully slow trek, finally reaching the end a few moments later. The pain had diminished some, replaced by an intense pleasure brought on by our actions.  
  
He backed out partially, only to come rushing back in. Animal instinct seem to overtake the both of us and soon, we were moving in a perfect fluid unity, our rhythm something that no longer felt dirty, but instead was something sacred I knew he also felt.  
  
We were both lost in the feeling of it as I climaxed, a sensation to end all sensations exploding within me. Draco followed soon after, his seed lost within me as he collapsed next to me, both of us breathing heavily.  
  
No words were spoken between us as we lay there; Draco recovered enough to gently take me in his arms, our bodies still intertwined. He lifted my face to meet his own, his lips pressing up against mine one last time that night.  
  
"I love you," he repeated softly, those words destroying any and all barriers I had created the night before. With a sudden flood of emotion, I began to cry; I sobbed for my mother, for my brother, for the lost soul of my father, and for the future I knew Draco and I would have to fight for, regardless of that night.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_  
_ _Come to me now__  
__And lay your hands over me__  
__Even if it's a lie__  
__Say it will be alright__  
__And I shall believe__  
__  
__I'm broken in two__  
__And I know you're on to me__  
__That I only come home__  
__When I'm so all alone__  
__But I do believe__  
__  
__That not everything is gonna be the way__  
__You think it ought to be__  
__It seems like every time I try to make it right__  
__It all comes down on me__  
__Please say honestly you won't give up on me__  
__And I shall believe__  
__And I shall believe__  
__  
__Open the door__  
__And show me your face tonight__  
__I know it's true__  
__No one heals me like you__  
__And you hold the key__  
__  
__Never again__  
__would I turn away from you__  
__I'm so heavy tonight__  
__But your love is alright__  
__And I do believe__  
__  
__That not everything is gonna be the way__  
__You think it ought to be__  
__It seems like every time I try to make it right__  
__It all comes down on me__  
__Please say honestly__  
__You won't give up on me__  
__And I shall believe__  
__I shall believe*  
_ _*Sheryl Crow, I Shall Believe  
_   
  
  
**canihavea-soda: **I'm glad you liked it, thank you! It most certainly isn't the best out there, but thank you for the compliment anyway. I'm glad you found the story.  
  
**Daniella: **Thank you! :o) I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully this chapter wasn't too bad... I hate this sort of stuff, to be honest.  
  
**dreamchild: **Yeah, I'm quite sure Pansy and Draco have something going on we haven't been exposed to as of yet. I like 'em together, I don't think Pansy's that big a fruit, to be honest. Eh, well... :o)  
  
**Elizabeth: **You complain about me sticking you in this story, yet you use that nickname? Hypocry....ite... something like that. :o)  
  
**Geniusgirl: **LOL, all right, as long as you like it. Ugh, I know what you mean with the whole Pansy's a ditz/Draco runs away with another girl type story. I hate those as well... far too cliché for my tastes. Yeah, Mr. Parkinson is a bit of a bastard, eh? Draco hasn't had much experience with death, you're right on that... He has nice helping skills though. :o)  
  
**Ginger: **Pansy appreciates it :o) She's not that big a Draco fan yet, though... we'll see how it goes.  
  
**Hana: **Draco--and loveable?! I suppose it could work, in a strange illogical way. :o) I'm glad you like it, thank you!  
  
**Kathryn Malfoy****:** I'm glad you liked it. Sorry it took so long, I was a bit... busy?  
  
**krazixoxpinay: **LOL, thanks, I'm glad you like it.  
  
**Lucky aka Jessica Canada/OGM: **Thanks :o) So sorry it took so long, it won't take nearly the same amount of time next chapter.  
  
**Melinda Malfoy:** I'm so sorry it took so long! I've been really busy as of late, and... well... was the chapter at least worth waiting for? :o)  
  
**melissa480: **I'm sorry it took so long to update, I've been busy... you know how it goes. :o)  
  
**ravenchel: **Rainbows and puppydogs? Eh... maybe. I ain't saying a word. *G*  
  
**slush puppy:** I sure hope that deal didn't stand, cuz I sorta took forever, no? :o)   
  
**The Rouge Glow-worm:** Can't take it back, it's already worked into the plot. *G* 


	11. Understanding

**Save Yourself, Chapter Eleven**  
  
Well, it's a bit longer than I expected--which doesn't mean it's long by any standards, just a little longer that the other chapters. I have a week left of school and I'm starting to freak out about finals. *sigh* I don't study well under stress. Have any of you seen the movie Bandits? If you haven't, see it. Just trust me on this one. By the way, Draco's starting to become terribly out of character, but you have to remember we only see Pansy's perspective of him. He'll become a little more in character within a few chapters, don't worry about that. Just bear with me here :o)  
  
Aimée  
  
  
---  
  
  
I awoke the next morning tucked caringly under his arm, my cheek pressed up against his bare chest. In my confused state, I didn't realize exactly where I was for a moment, but when the memory of the night before returned to me, a smile spread across my lips and I knew then I would never experience any regret. It simply wasn't in my nature.  
  
"Good morning, you," Draco said softly, his low voice purring. "I thought you were going to sleep in all morning."  
  
"What time is it?" I murmured sleepily, bringing one of my hands up to wipe the sleep out of my eyes.  
  
"Half past ten," he answered calmly. I cringed slightly, the days of the week running through my mind quickly as I tried to figure out what day it was.  
  
"Isn't it… a school day?" I asked slowly, not all too sure of myself.  
  
Draco nodded, "We're both exempt, don't worry about it. Professor Snape knows about us and our situation, and he's going to excuse our absences personally."  
  
I blinked, suddenly acutely aware of the warm body next to me. I curled up slowly, placing my legs in contact with his. "My family's dead, aren't they?"  
  
He was quiet for a moment before nodding regretfully, his grip around my shoulders tightening as if he alone could control my grip on reality. "Yes, Pansy," he sighed. "Your mother and brother have died."  
  
"No," I shook my head, an irrationality setting in. "My father's dead as well."  
  
"No he isn't," Draco insisted, gray eyes turning towards me in a concerned, almost panicky movement. "He's still alive."  
  
"It doesn't matter," I insisted. "He's still dead to me."  
  
Draco sighed once more and took my hand in his, raising it to his lips and kissing it gently. "I'm still here for you though, and I always will be."  
  
"What if you die as well?" I asked in an almost childish manner. "What will happen to me then? I won't have anyone. What am I going to do this summer? I have nowhere to go. If I go home, my father—my dead father—will kill me."  
  
Draco was now increasingly alarmed as he slowly sat up, bringing me with him. Carefully, he tucked the blanket we shared around my body, making sure I was both warm and unexposed. I tried to smile gratefully, but for some reason, the smile wouldn't reach my lips.  
  
"I'm going to get dressed, all right?" he asked carefully, and I nodded in compliance. I watched him as he slipped out from between the sheets, his pale skin reflecting the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. As I sat there watching him dressing, I noticed a tight pain that clenched my thighs and lower stomach. I sighed softly to myself, already knowing this was going to be a fairly bad day.  
  
"Would you like me to go get you some clean clothes?" Draco asked, and I nodded. He was gone for less than a minute—no doubt he ran and grabbed the first thing he saw in my trunk—and when he came back, he held a plain black robe in his hands neatly folded over a pair of black pants and a white jumper. It seemed like an odd combination, but no one had ever accused my fiancée of having any fashion sense.  
  
I untangled myself from the blanket and got out of bed, walking to him completely undressed and taking the clothes from him. He was polite enough to turn his back, regardless of the facts he had seen me the night before and I had watched him dress. With a childish wonder, I watched him turned towards me once I had finished, curiosity evident in his features—a trait one would not normally associate with any Malfoy, young or old.  
  
"Would you like to perhaps get some breakfast?" he asked slowly, taking my hand as we walked out of his dorm room.   
  
"Where?" I asked. "The Great Hall's finished serving breakfast, and I'm not about to go back to the hospital wing."  
  
"The kitchens, of course," Draco grinned that silly boy grin of his and, despite my melancholy, I smiled.  
  
"Lead the way," I gestured forwards as he took my arm, obliging.   
  
We walked down the halls of the dormitories and slipped out of the Common Room portal, emerging out into the deserted halls. We walked side-by-side, his arm wrapped around my shoulder in a protective manner. His complete personality change from the first few years of Hogwarts still took me by surprise and at any given moment I expected him to sneer towards me and laugh, saying it was all a hoax—he just wanted to sleep with me, that's why he and I were said to be betrothed. My father would have done something like that to me—after he had killed our family, I was positive he would have.  
  
It was irrational of me, I know, but I was far too paranoid and out of my mind at that point to even consider reality. Draco's grip around my shoulders brought me back down to earth, however, as I willed myself to concentrate on the real world.  
  
"Draco?" I asked tentatively, not sure of what I was going to say. I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice—the voice that had so willingly and sweetly stayed with me for over forty-eight hours.  
  
"Yes?" he answered immediately as we turned the corner. I had no idea where we were going; I was at his mercy, something I wasn't used to and not entirely sure I was comfortable with.  
  
"When are we going to get married?"  
  
The question surprised even me. I hadn't thought of it, the words had just slipped out of my lips before I could even consider the implications or repercussions of asking such a thing.  
  
"After we leave Hogwarts, I suppose," Draco shrugged almost indifferently. "Whenever you'd like, m'dear."  
  
His last comment was intended to be at least a partial attempt at humor, but I refused to acknowledge it. "After Hogwarts is fine, I suppose. Where are we going to live?"  
  
"It's customary to live in the groom's home," Draco pointed out, the indifferent tone still holding within his voice. "The Manor's large enough to house a dozen families, don't worry about it. One more person isn't going to make much of a person… but considering that person's you, it'll make all the difference in the world to me."  
  
"Nice save," I murmured, slipping my arm around his side to grip the back of his robe in my fist. "How many children do you want? Obviously, one's a necessity, but do you want to stop at one or go on for more?"  
  
"As many as you want," Draco answered, his tone wary this time. "Why so many questions all of the sudden? I'm not complaining, just curious."  
  
I shrugged, "I don't know. I just… God. My mother just died, Zachary's gone, my father's a fucking traitor, and I'm sitting here talking about a happy future. What the bloody fuck am I thinking, Draco? Why the hell am I even thinking about this sort of stuff?"  
  
"Because you're scared," Draco answered gently, stopping me and turning to look me in the eye. "Because you have no idea what your future holds for you and you're fucking scared to death you might be next. That's why."  
  
I steeled myself against the onslaught of emotion I knew was going to come and clenched my jaw, trying desperately to assure myself he was wrong.  
  
"I'm _not _scared," I muttered through my clenched jaw, my eyes trained to the side wall. "I'm angry as bloody hell, but I'm not scared. I don't know how to be, I'm a bloody _Parkinson_."  
  
"I'm a bloody _Malfoy _and I've had the shit scared out of me more times than I can count," Draco pointed out. "It's not against the law to be afraid, and if you weren't right now, that'd frighten me more than anything else. If you don't want to admit it because of pride, I understand—you have no _idea _how well I understand. I don't understand what you're feeling right now though, but I can guess, and I will tell you that I'll try to understand if you give me the chance. Through thick and thin, we're stuck together Pansy, and it's up to us to make it the best time possible for both parties. I don't want to live my life attached to someone I don't love, but I do love you, and I think right now that's all the difference it makes. I'm going to _always _try to understand, all right?"  
  
"All right," I said quietly, not sure whether to be uncomfortable, grateful, ecstatic, or completely floored with his small speech. Draco never—_ never_—showed any sort of emotion that was this strong, and I felt almost honored he had saved it for me.  
  
"Now, what do you say we go get some food from the kitchens? I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely starving."  
  
I nodded silently, a tentative smile spreading across my face as Draco tugged suddenly at my arm playfully, and I allowed him to continue leading me to the kitchens. I hated to admit it, but I was hungry. It felt wrong at the time to want such a meager thing as food, but I needed it for survival—  
  
—Just as I needed Draco to guide me through this treacherous path we called life..  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**canihavea-soda: **Aww, thank you!! I'm not deserving of such praise, not at all... Thank you! Yes, you go write. The more good writers we have on ff.net, the better the quality of the site gets (is it just me or have a lot of ... non-written-well-stories started cropping up that are getting hundreds of reviews? Hmm..) Yes, Draco/Pansy and Snape/Hermione... I'm for both (at least in most cases *G*) Writer's block? Not good, I'm sorry! Thanks for such a long and wonderful review, it was much appreciated and fawned over :o)  
  
**cooldot: **Thanks! Yeah, the relationship's beginning to develope a bit more, thank God. :o)  
  
**Daniella: **Yeah, it _was _really nice of Draco to say such a thing, wasn't it? Nah, this chapter only took a week. I can usually churn out chapters in an hour or two, but this one took a bit longer. Didn't really know what to do :o) Pansy? Get pregnant? Where did you _ever _come up with an idea like that? Would _I_ do that? *G* Nah...  
  
**Demeter: **Wow, thanks! I love the fact Pansy has to much potential within her character--fanfiction writers can do virtually anything with her and no one would be able to tell them it's wrong. Yeah, Draco's OOC, and yes, because it's in Pansy's POV. That'll change though, you'll see a bit of the old Draco we all know and love--hate? He'll become a hated character for a while, I'm betting. Well, not hated, but extremely disliked. Thanks again for the wonderful review, it really meant a lot.  
  
**Geniusgirl: **Thanks! I don't like writing that sort of stuff at ALL, but yeah, it was more or less unavoidable. Yep, he said it to her again in this chapter too... *G* Thanks again!  
  
**Kathryn Malfoy:** Aww, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. It wasn't supposed to be sad--all right, it was, but anyway. :o) Thanks!  
  
**KrayZM: **Well, I'm glad I changed someone's view on Pansy. Personally, in the books, I don't like her. I just like the number of possibilities she holds with Draco :o) Thanks!  
  
**Lucky aka Jessica-Canada/OGM: **Thank you! :o) It means a lot to me for you to say such a sweet thing. I don't think it's that great, but that's just me... according to my other friends, I'm not allowed to like my stuff. It's against the law or something... anyway. Sorry, it's late as hell and I think I'm delirious --see! can't even spell that right! *G* Thanks again!  
  
**Polyre: **This coming from the girl who came up with the Ring? *snicker* Uh huh, shush you. I can always get worse if you'd like. *G*  
  
**Roxy: **Thank you, and no, I'm not really working on Sixteen Candles anymore. Probably later this summer I'll get back on it, but not yet. I haven't work out all that's going to happen.   
  
**slush puppy: **Aww, you're an absolute dear, thank you. I'm sorry it took so long... it only took a week this time! :o) I don't particularly like writing the whole sex scene thing. Writer's block? I'm sorry, it seems to be going around, doesn't it?  



	12. Sacred Love of a Lifetime

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twelve**  
  
Has it really gotten this far already? Wow... I'm so, so sorry about taken almost two months! I know no one's really waiting on pins and needles, but I know how aggrivating it is to get an author who never updates. *Grins sheepishly* I have excuses though!! ...the story of my life. Heh. No, I have two jobs now--a waitress and a paintball referee. I'm also writing another story which you absolutely MUST check out called _**Your Holy Dark**_, which is the prequel to _**Supposed Crime**_, another one that needs a bit of loving. If you like Hermione with Viktor, Ron, Harry, or Snape, then read them. Trust me on this one :o) It's a mainly Hermione/Snape and Hermione/Harry story, both of them, but... you'll see. Please? They're dying of feedback-thirst, and you know how much fanfictions hate that. :o)   
We're getting a German exchange student, I believe... His name's Holger. Does anyone know how to correctly pronounce that in German? I can, I think, but no one else in my family can say it...! It's the German "HUL" part of it, I suppose. Five years of German can do that to you, gosh darn it...  
Aimée  
  
  
---  
  
  
Later that day, I sat on my bed awaiting my dorm mates and unfortunately the schoolwork I had missed. My mind was still fluctuating between numb and spinning with unspoken thoughts, things I knew I should say but could never gather up the courage to say—or to do. Draco had stayed by my side the entire day as we wandered the halls. Each time we ran into a professor, he or she had gracefully sidestepped the two of us and not spoken a word, although I did notice on more than one occasion looks of sympathy shot my way.  
  
It was unwelcome, to say the least.  
  
Blaise was the first one to arrive; she shot a rather unbecoming smirk my way and headed off to her section of the dormitory, where she had secluded herself after the mutilating of her reputation during fourth year.   
  
Millicent was next; in her arms, she carried two piles of assignments, of which I was suddenly extremely grateful for. Without a word, she dumped my half onto the edge of my bed and shot me a sympathetic smile as she retreated to the opposite end of the dormitory from where Blaise sat.   
  
Over the next few weeks, I put little to no effort into my schoolwork, nor did I intentionally socialize with anyone excluding Draco. I often stayed the night with him, much to Blaise and Millicent's jealousy; he was the one thing I thought I could depend on, and therefore stuck to his side whenever possible.   
  
Soon, Christmas holiday was fast approaching, and the realization I had nowhere to go slowly and painfully set in. As the holiday decorations routinely appeared in various corridors and the Great Hall, my mood grew bleaker and bleaker; Draco was due in the Malfoy Mansion in the afternoon of the 21st, and at that point in time, he was my only companion—at least, the only one who I believed I could trust.  
  
It was when Professor Snape posted the list for students to sign up to stay when Draco finally realized what was going on. He was with me as I slowly walked up to the piece of parchment, quill in hand, ready to sign.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Draco's voice sounded in an almost amused tone.  
  
"Where do you expect me to spend Christmas?" I raised my eyebrow. "With my father?"  
  
Draco shot me a grin as he rolled his eyes, taking his hands and touching my shoulders gently. "Of course not—I expected you to spend Christmas with me."  
  
My eyes widened slightly in surprise as he slowly pulled me away from the sheet, guiding me to the chair in which I had taken up residence, and sat me down on top of his lap. It wasn't a new position; I had often read or slept with my legs dangling off the end of the cushy chair's arm, his arm cradling and supporting my head and neck.   
  
"But you're going home to see your family for Christmas," I pointed out in a rather obvious tone of voice. "I wouldn't want to impose."  
  
Draco smiled and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead, a rare public show of affection. "You're family, Pansy. In two years, you yourself will be a Malfoy, don't forget. If my father hadn't invited you to begin with, I would have insisted you come regardless."  
  
I looked up at the boy—no, the man—who had suddenly become the most selfless, wonderful thing in the universe, and leaned forward without warning to kiss him full on the lips.  
  
"I love you," he whispered quietly, away from the prying ears of the Slytherin Common Room. "Don't you ever, ever forget that."  
  
"I love you too," I sighed, closing my eyes as I relaxed into his arms once more. "And I will no matter what happens, you know that."  
  
"Yes, I do," Draco said quietly, playing with a lock of my long dark hair. He was silent for a moment, the warmth of the crackling fire reaching our chair, and then he spoke once more. "Why do we have to wait until the end of school?"  
  
"Wait for what?" I asked, slightly drowsy.   
  
He continued to play with that single lock of my hair absentmindedly. "To get married."  
  
I opened my tired eyes and gazed up at his pale face, a smile flickering across my lips. "We've been able to since we first turned sixteen—and since we slept together. Haven't you ever read the contract?"  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow, "You mean there's a clause that states when we sleep together, from that point on we could be married?"  
  
"Of course," I answered in a teasing tone. "In case something happens."  
  
"Like what?" he asked curiously.  
  
"Such as little Malfoys running around a tad sooner than they should," I explained patiently. "Although I highly doubt that would happen."  
  
"At least not for another few years," Draco agreed. "But—do you think we should? I mean, you'd be able to live with my family and I instead of going back to your father, my parents wouldn't think twice if they found us in bed together—instead, I think they'd be more shocked if we weren't in the same bed, to be honest."  
  
I smiled at the thought of—for lack of better word—belonging to Draco and to be able to wake up to his almost angelic face each morning, as well as the thought of never having to see my father again. A warning bell instantly set off within the depths of my mind as I realized a possibility I had never before considered.  
  
"Draco, you don't plan on joining Voldemort, do you?"  
  
He looked more than a little taken back at my abrupt question, but after a moment he slowly shook his head. "No, my father hasn't put any pressure on me to do so and I see no reason why I should put myself in such a compromising situation—not too mention I don't find groveling to a snake and getting trampled on physically and mentally every moment of every day appealing. Why do you ask?"  
  
"My father's a Death Eater," I said slowly, my voice barely above a whisper. "You and I both know this. He also killed his wife and son—his male heir. I just want to make sure that didn't happen to you and I, is all."  
  
"Completely understandable," Draco sighed, kissing my forehead once more. "I will promise you, as long as my life or your life or the life of any of our children is not in danger, I will never become a Death Eater."  
  
"Thank you," I said quietly, closing my eyes once again. "And yes, I think we should—as soon as possible."  
  
"Then it's decided," Draco said firmly. "Over Christmas it is."  
  
  
---  
  
  
**bibphile: **Thank you, I'm tickled pink *...raises eyebrows. I did NOT just say that!* that you enjoyed then chapters. I love writing this story... it's just a rare thing that my muse and time are working together, I'm sure you know the story :o)  
  
**Demeter: **Thank you... yes, Draco's extremely OOC in a lot of this, but we only get a 2-d look at him in the books, remember. I'm quite positive he's not nearly as hard-shell as the Gryffindors believe him to be. Yeah, he'll straighten up, I promise :o)   
  
**Geniusgirl: **Yes, thank you :o) Draco isn't nearly as cold and heartless as the Trio thinks he is, I'm betting. He has to have a heart, even if it's only devoted to one person (in this case, Pansy. In FDTMA, Harry :o) ) Yeah, it makes sense. Thank you once again, and I'm so sorry it took so long!!   
  
**hana: **Thanks! Heh... It means a lot when I get your approval :o) I'm sorry for taking so long with this one... it's been a pain in the ass to write, to be honest.  
  
**KrayZM: **Thank you, I'm really enjoying writing this, even though it's taking a shitload of time to write. Pansy deserves a bit more characterization in the series, to be honest. And thank you once again :o)  
  
**krazixoxpinay: **Of course that wasn't the end! We still have a marriage and an ending to get to :o)  
  
**Lorna Doors: **Yes, PA's definitely awesome! *G* I missed writing my new stories too. You still owe me a chapter, dear... one that I believe I'm going to have to write. You're past your deadline, but I'll give you another day, how's that? You shouldn't be reading this if you haven't written the next chapter! Go, write!!  
  
**Lucky aka Jessica-Canada/OGM:** It's the ones who DO like their fanfiction to the point where they think it needs no improvment and deserves a thousand reviews that you have to watch out for. Those people bug the hell out of me... "oo, if I don't get 50 reviews, I won't write the next chapter!" No matter how good the story is, I quit reading right then and there. Ego has no business in the fanfiction section. Once again, I'm sorry it took so long... hopefully next time won't be too bad.  
  
**Melinda Malfoy: **Thanks! I'm sorry it took so long, the next chapter should be out a bit quicker.  
  
**Polyre: **The Ring sucked ass for the most part, but in the best way possible :o) He doesn't sneer around the people he's fucking, you should know that.  
  
**sapphireskies: **Thank you! I usually don't like Pansy at all either... but yes, that was definitely my goal, to give Pansy and Draco a bit more characterization and personality. They need it. Thanks again, and I'm sorry this took so long!!  



	13. Just In Case

**Save Yourself, Chapter Thirteen**  
  
Unlucky number thirteen, if you're really that superstitious. And yes, I'm quite aware I spelled that wrong... but it's late, I'm been up for seventeen hours (a record for me, thank you), and quite frankly ladies and gents, I just don't give a dame.  
That's a joke, that lovely last sentence... anyway, you'll soon... very soon... find out... well, okay, not VERY soon, but soon enough... why this story is named Save Yourself. Seems a bit off, considering Pansy ended up sleeping with Draco three chapters ago, eh? You'll see though... and then it shall all make sense, along with some lyrics that just make sense... in fields... but we won't go there. *sigh* damn sleep deprivation.  
It has come to my attention that I need to make it clear it has been close to four months since chapter ten... so... Just remmeber that. *G*  
Aimée   
  
---  
  
We were met on the platform by both Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy—a rarity among rarities. Draco's mother immediately took me in her arms and held me tightly, her pale features showing a mixture of happiness and grief; happiness for me and Draco's impending marriage, grief for the loss of one of her best friends—my mother—and seeing her child for the first time.   
  
"Your journey was adequate, I assume?" Mr. Malfoy's tone was less harsh than normal as he clamped one large hand on his son's shoulder.  
  
"As adequate as those journeys usually are," Draco confirmed, placing our trunks on a trolly and pushing it forward. He was nearly as tall as his father now; just above six feet, he was as formidable as both an enemy and a friend.   
  
The crowd gave us a wide berth as we made our way through the station, finally reaching the large automobile parked in an impossibly small space between a beat up tan minivan and a red sports car I knew Draco would kill for. As I stepped inside following Mrs. Malfoy, I gasped at the size of the interior; the couches stretched across at least ten meters. On the far side, there was a long bar holding countless bottles of various wizarding drinks, including Butterbeer—both alcoholic and non—and a wide assortment of pumpkin juices. I chose a seat facing the back of the vehicle and waited as Draco and finally Mr. Malfoy stepped through the door, Mr. Malfoy choosing a seat across from his wife and Draco taking a seat next to me.  
  
"Is there a certain date you'd prefer for the ceremony to take place over the holidays?" Mrs. Malfoy asked quite suddenly, startling out of my thoughts.  
  
I looked over towards Draco for guidance, who simply shrugged and gripped my hand. "Christmas Eve would be wonderful, although I'm afraid it'd interfere with the Ball." The Malfoys threw a ball each year on Christmas Eve, just as my family had during the summers.   
  
"Perhaps on Christmas then?" I suggested both to Mrs. Malfoy and Draco.  
  
"It'd be perfect," Draco chimed in enthusiastically. "We could have the rehearsal dinner with the guests—assuming those which attend the Ball will also be attending the wedding—and the decorations will already be in place. There are enough house elves in the manor to fix things up with an appropriate amount of time left."  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy thought for a moment, then finally nodded in unison.   
  
And so it was set.  
  
  
  
  
  
Christmas Eve fast approached, and before both Draco and I knew it, we were standing before hundreds of rich upper class purebloods, hand in hand, with Lucius Malfoy proudly announcing our marriage the next day—and the invitation for those hundreds, perhaps even a thousand, to join in the celebrations.  
  
I was wearing a beautiful scarlet silk gown that had been cut and tailored only days before, along with my wedding dress—an even more extravagant gown of rich cream velvet and silk of the highest quality. Draco, dressed in robes of a deep forest green, had complimented me to no end that evening, an action that for some reason made me highly suspicious—but of what, I had no idea.  
  
"Quite the crowd tonight," Draco commented in a hushed tone as Mr. Malfoy concluded his invitational speech.   
  
"I've never heard of ninety percent of these wizards, let alone met them," I said in a calm tone. I had been born and bred for moments like this; after seventeen years of spotlight, I was ready for the climax—our wedding.  
  
"Neither have my father and mother," Draco said quietly, his arm snaking it's way around my waist. "Most are high Ministry officials—or wizards who have potential to be. Many are Slytherin graduates, ones my father has the task of attempting to recruit. Others are acquaintances he's only met once, but feels the need to include regardless, if for nothing but the recognition. Watch him—he's a master at his art."  
  
Lucius Malfoy truly was a master, and during that one night, I learned much from his behavior. Draco and I danced only twice, both ignoring the throngs of well-wishers that seemed to follow our every movement. It was well past midnight when Draco and I finally made our way upstairs into the joint rooms we shared, both completely exhausted and ready for bed. He kissed me good night gently without saying a word and stepped into his room, closing the door that separated the two of us. With a heavy sigh, I made my way to the bath, disrobing as I went.  
  
As I sank into the hot water, the tension of the past three days—of the past six months, ever since Mother and Zachary had died, ever since Draco and I had first slept together—drained out of me, leaving both my body and mind completely relaxed and at peace with the world.  
  
Until I realized something that definitely didn't deserve to be realized at that point in time.  
  
I was late.  
  
  
  
  
  
My hair was still dripping as I knocked on the door separating our rooms a few minutes later, a dark red robe thrown around my scantily clad body. It took a moment, but Draco finally opened the door, albeit a bit begrudgingly.  
  
"Yes?" he asked in an exhausted tone of voice. I cringed inwardly, not quite knowing how to word the sudden problem I found myself—we found ourselves—in.  
  
"I'm late," I said in a half-whisper, hugging the robe tighter around my body.  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow, obviously not realizing exactly what I meant. "Late for what? It's two in the morning, there's nothing to be late for tonight."  
  
I shook my head sharply, a sudden wave of harshness flowing over me as I realized he was the one who had possibly done this.  
  
"I'm _late,_" I spoke the word slowly, trying to allow him to absorb the meaning—the _other _meaning—of the word before he asked another ridiculous question.  
  
It took a moment, but as comprehension dawned upon him, his eyes slowly widened to unnatural sizes. With a wariness only a Malfoy could accomplish, he eyed my pale face and scowled slightly. "How late?"  
  
"Almost four weeks," I whispered, not daring to meet his eye.  
  
"And you didn't think about perhaps telling me sooner?" he sighed, leaning up against the door frame and closing his eyes.   
  
"I didn't think about it," I admitted quietly. "Besides, I suppose it could just be stress—with everything that's been going on and all—but… I just thought I should let you know, just in case."  
  
He nodded solemnly, his eyes blazing with a thousand different emotions. It was a moment before he responded in a hushed, cold tone, one that I hope I'll never hear again.  
  
"There's a book in the library—I could send a house elf for it. There's a spell you could cast to be absolutely certain, and a way to…" he grimaced slightly, "…get rid of it, if we have to."  
  
I narrowed my eyes dangerously. "What do you mean, '_ get rid of it_'?"  
  
"An abortion," he said bluntly, his tone emotionless. "Pansy, think about it—we're _seventeen_, for fuck's sake. Do you honestly think we could take care of a child during our last year at Hogwarts? It'd be impossible, we both know that."  
  
I shook my head, "We could do it if we really tried—besides, worst case scenario, we leave it with your mother for the year. But really, Draco, we're both getting ahead of ourselves… I don't even know if it's just stress or something bigger right now." I sighed wearily, slumping down in a defeated manner. "Get the book. We'll use the first spell—but under absolutely no conditions shall the second be used. I don't care if I have to drop out of school to take care of it, I will never kill a child you and I made."  
  
Draco nodded silently, turning around and walking back into his chambers to summon a house elf to retrieve the book that held a spell which could change the rest of our lives.  
  
  
---  
  
**canihavea-soda: **LOL, thanks :o) I'm very glad you're back... we missed you!! Yes, much fluff, something I'm morally objected to, so don't expect it to last too long. You got a book deal?! Awesome! Lucky you. The plot bunnies will soon come your way, don't worry... and when I think about it, I actually don't know how I came up with this idea. It's just one of those things during one of those days... ya know? :o) Ah, yes, I weaned myself off of fanfiction... went cold turkey for two months. Had to write a story for my dad, funnily enough, and I had a due date. 113 f'ing pages... but that's a completely different story (no pun intended there). I'm terribly flattered you like this story so much, and I thank you for reviewing--and welcome back!  
  
**cooldot: **Yeah, the characters are far 2-D in the books... and thanks :o)   
  
**Demeter: **Thank you, I'm glad you like it so much! Draco's a bit hard to write, but eh well... whatever flows. Yeah, I actually didn't like Pansy at all until I started writing this. Strange, eh? :o)  
  
**GeniusGirl: ***cringe* you're going to hate me later on. Yeah, I do think Draco has a heart, albeit one he's not willing to show to the outside world. The last chapter was a dash off I wrote because I felt like typing something and I wasn't in the mood for slash or depressing stuff... so... I'm glad you like the story :o)  
  
**Jilly-chan: **You're an absolute wonder, you know that? I'm floored by your review, and I thank you a thousand times over. Also, your inquisition (it's late.. sorry... words aren't my think right now) about the catalyst to Draco's revelation paved the path for something to come in the story, something I hadn't quite figured out how to do... I'll give you credit when it comes up, of course.... if I remember... sounds horrible, but *knocks on head and hears an echo* it's all fluff up there. No memory whatsoever. I'll write a note and stick it to my computer. And no, you haven't missed it while reading, although when it's revealed, chances are it will make a lot of sense. It's my theory that Draco wants to be loved, and the only person he can find that love in (in this story, at least) is Pansy... so he willingly gives himself to her, and is far too afraid of losing her to raise a hand or a voice against her. LOL, I'm glad to turn you into a Draco/Pansy fan, and once again, thank you a thousand times over for the wonderful review!  
  
**Kathryn Malfoy****:** ... it makes me nervous when you laugh like that. What's hiding up your sleeve, eh?  
  
**KrazyZM: **Aww, you're too kind! I've read one other Pansy/Draco fic, to be honest, and... well... it wasn't that great, even though the author is amazing. So I don't know if that's just by process of elimination or... ? :o) Thanks again!  
  
**Melinda Malfoy:** Well, he could keep his promise and still turn into a Death Eater... So who knows? Certainly not I. *G*  
  
  



	14. Stench of a Lion

**Save Yourself, Chapter Fourteen**  
  
---  
  
Well, I've had a fairly bad day. I don't know if I'm just hot tempered today or if I'm just now noticing certain things I haven't noticed before--such as how absolutely rude both of my brothers are and how blind my father can be. *shakes head* Ahh, the joys of growing up in an all-male household... Once again, a short chapter, but very, very important. The next chapter should be the wedding, although I'm not going to make any guarentees...  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
  
  
Less than a quarter of an hour later, Draco walked solemnly into my chamber carrying a large, leather-bound book carefully. Silently, he set the volume on the edge of the bed where I lay, turning it's yellowed pages to a pre-marked page.  
  
"The spell is 'Infantia Trucido,'" he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper and his eyes not quite meeting mine.  
  
I eyed the boy—the man?—standing in front of me, nervously tapping his index fingers on the old book's pages. My eyes narrowed as I leaned forward, looking at the words written before him myself.  
  
Without a word, he snapped the book shut and drew it to his chest, almost as he would something precious. It was the final signal to me that something was wrong.  
  
"You're lying," I said slowly, gaze locked onto his pale features.  
  
"Why do you think that?" he asked, still clutching the book.  
  
"Because I know you, Draco—I know how you work. Has it occurred to you that if I use that spell while I'm not carrying a child, there's a fair possibility I'll never be able to bear children?" I leaned back onto the pile of pillows at the head of my bed, watching Draco's eyes widen ever so slightly.  
  
"How?" he asked, forming the word slowly and stupidly.  
  
"All of eggs I have would be void—all of the possibilities of life within them would be destroyed. Do you want an heir or do you want to be the last Malfoy in the dynasty?"  
  
With a sigh, he opened the book back up and turned to another marked page, this time walking around the bed to sit next to me so we could both see the words on the page.  
  
"'Gravida Auctorizo' this time," he read, pointing to the words on the page. "There should be a light shining through if—" he paused, taking time to collect himself. "The   
  
color of the light should indicate what gender the child will be—gold for female, red for male."  
  
I made a face, "Even in a Dark Arts book, the stench of Gryffindor reeks."  
  
He smiled feebly at my attempt at humor, reaching out to touch my hand lightly. "I just want you to know that if it does come down to—this—" he gestured towards my midsection with his free hand, "—I'll be here. Even if it seems I'm not—I'm just scared, you know…" he fumbled for the right words to say. "I just don't want to be a failure as a husband and a father."  
  
I didn't respond to his words; instead, I pulled my top of halfway and took my wand, pointing it at the soft flesh of my stomach. "_Gravida Auctorizo_."  
  
The moment between the words leaving my lips and the light hitting my body was one of the longest in my life. Time seemed to stand still, only the hush of silence and smell of fear filled my senses as Draco gripped my hand with his, his own anxiousness shining through like a beacon.  
  
Slowly, once my body had absorbed the beam of magic, a pulsating sensation started within the depths of my belly. My eyes widened with fear as I stared down towards my navel, too frightened to say anything.  
  
The sensation grew stronger with each breath I took, and after what could have been an hour but what was probably only a few moments, I tugged at Draco's hand, leading him to place it over the very spot I felt the pulse. His own eyes widened, his mouth forming a perfect 'o'.  
  
As we laid there next to each other, his hand on my stomach, fear gripping our systems, a red light shone through my skin, lighting up the dark room with a redish cast I remembered for the rest of my life.   
  
"You'll be a great husband," I whispered, "and an even greater father."  
  
He sighed, placing the book on the table next to the bed and enveloping me in his limp arms. With a flick of my wand, the heavy blankets covered both of us, and I reached out to place my wand on the edge of the bed, where it often stayed when I slept.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening," I whispered, staring up at the top of my canopy bed.  
  
"Neither can I," Draco admitted softly, lying absolutely still, his cheek lightly touching my own. "It's amazing how life can fuck everything up in one foul swoop."  
  
"You never know," I said shakily, not believing the words I was speaking. "There just may be something good to come out of all of this."  
  
He didn't respond; instead, he simply pulled me closer, placing one hand over my hip. As the minutes ticked by, he slowly slid his hand down to where the pulsing had occurred, placing the palm of his hand over my navel and closing his eyes sedately.  
  
"I'm going to be a father," he whispered, his tone soft and filled with awe. "We're going to have a baby."  
  
"We are," I confirmed gently, "And we're going to have the best little boy in the world."  
  
"I'm going to have a son," Draco whispered once more. "A son."  
  
Tears welled up in my eyes, but before they could spill over, the words I had remained so faithful to for so many years flashed before my eyes once more:  
  
_ Don't Break._  
  
Blinking back my tears, I nuzzled Draco's face, surprised to find a trail of his own tears running down his cheek.  
  
He was crying.  
  
  
---  
  
**Fire: **Blah. That's all I have to say to you. Blah.  
  
**GeniusGirl: **Aww, thank you! Well, you don't have to worry about me making Pansy a lesbian... although Draco dying _could _be interesting... hmm... *watches little plot bunnies dance around in my mind*. Well, how was THAT Draco-Reaction? Pretty shit poor OOC, eh? Ah, well... *shrug* You win some, you lose some. Once again, thank you so much--I'm sorry if I disappointed you with this chapter and Draco's character, but it's the way I'd see him, even a "cold-blooded" Slytherin, react. Family, especially father/son relationships, seems very important in the Malfoy family, so... :o)   
  
**Kathryn Malfoy: **Aren't we all sugarhigh sometimes? :o)  
  
**Megan: **Yeah, I know you love me. You never know, I may just end up doing a 180 with the plot... you know how I work, and that _does _tend to happen a bit. LYLAS as well.  
  
**Melinda Malfoy: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it... Hopefully it'll get a better, although only time will tell with that one.  
  
**PureBloodGryffindor: **Well, I'm glad SY caught you--hook, line, and sinker it seems. I'm flattered you like the story so far, hopefully you'll like it even more as the chapters go by. Thanks :o)  



	15. Only Time

**Save Yourself, Chapter Fifteen**  
  
---  
  
Eh, well, the wedding... I actually wrote this along with the chapter before, but I decided not to post it until now--when my laziness finally eased up a bit. *sniff* my keyboard broke, goddamnit!! Heh... Ah, well. That's what brother's keyboards are for. For stealing when mine doesn't work *grin* Last week before school starts... I don't know whether to be excited as hell or upset for lack of sleepy days left. I treasure my sleep, and like most people my age (sixteen, thank you), I can sleep for an ungodly amount of hours. Just like today--I went to be around 1 AM because I was tired from paintball and all, and I woke up from dad calling me to see if I was awake (uh, no) around 12:30. Even then, it took me a half hour of music to even remotely wake me up...  
I finally decided on an ending to this ungodly piece of fiction. It's only about half done though, I'd say--Megan, about half? Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough, so I'll stop. Now, if I could only remember the f'cking song I was going to stick at the end of this chapter...  
Aimée  
  
---   
  
  
That night was the longest of my entire life. Draco and I slept very little, if at all, tangled together in a mixture of limbs, hair, and tears. It was shortly before dawn when I had finally broke down and wept with him, although I'm sure for entirely different reasons; my life was now one as a mother-to-be, and his as a father-to-be, both very different roles. Once our son was born, he would still have a life away from the two of us; I, however, would be chained to our child, forced to appeal to his every want and need, never receiving a holiday and possibly forfeiting the right to the rest of my education.  
  
"How are we going to tell my parents?" his strong voice whispered as we watched the sun slowly rise above the horizon of the hills showing through my set of glass double-doors.  
  
"Carefully," I answered without a hint of amusement in my voice, "tomorrow. I don't want to ruin our wedding for them, and I most certainly don't want all of the fireworks let out in one day."  
  
"Agreed," Draco nodded, eyes glancing over to the clock as it struck eight. "Mother should be in here soon to assist you with the preparations for the ceremony. Technically, I'm not allowed to see you until the wedding."  
  
"Yes, I know," I said sharply, immediately regretting my tone. He either didn't notice or simply didn't acknowledge it, however, as he kissed me quickly before slipping out of the sheets and making his way through my chambers and into his own, closing the door not a moment too soon.  
  
Just as his door clicked shut, the one to the outside hallway opened, revealing a positively glowing Mrs. Malfoy. Behind her followed perhaps half a dozen young women, all carrying various supplies and the last carrying what must have been my wedding gown, covered in a jacket of the finest silk in England.  
  
"Good morning," I murmured, sitting up in bed and trying to wipe the redness from my eyes.  
  
"And what a wonderful morning it is," Mrs. Malfoy—a title that we were soon to share—bowed her head as she made her way to the vanity mirror set up against a wall in the room I was in. Soon, three of the six female attendants were busily working on my hair and makeup, leaving me no room to breathe for the next three hours.  
  
  
  
  
  
At exactly one o'clock that afternoon, I stood in front of an astounding amount of people, my dark hair done up in ringlets and my face glowing with a sheer look I would have never been able to accomplish myself. My gown was, as predicted, made of velvet and satin; the top was cut rather low in the velvet fabric, the bare back held together by an intricate lacing of silk string. The top was sleeveless, but attached at the shoulders were two long pieces of a sheer silk, trailing down my arms all the way to my fingers, where the point of the fabric was attached to two heavy silver rings, both of which were placed on my middle fingers. The velvet made a point in front of my hips, giving way to yards of satin which hung loosely from my hips, clinging to exactly the right curves. There was an intricate pattern of black flames dancing across my hips and front section, giving the dress an amount of flair that amazed me.   
  
"Don't worry, darling," Mrs. Malfoy said, mistaking my weariness for a bout of nerves. "You'll do wonderfully."  
  
As she strode down the aisle to take her seat, I caught a fleeting glimpse of Draco's blonde hair, his tresses hanging only slightly below his ears.  
  
And then the music started.  
  
Slowly, as I had been instructed, I made my way down the long aisle, more than quite aware of the hundreds, if not thousands of pairs of eyes on me, following my every movement. At that point in time, however, only one pair mattered to me; Draco's.   
  
I met his gaze and kept it as I finally made my way to the end of the aisle, all my anxiousness about our impending situation draining out of me with one glance at his perfect features. Even after so many years, I had never grown tired of his flawless looks and the grace in which he presented himself.  
  
I barely heard a word the Minister—Fudge himself had decided to grace the ceremony with his blessing, the pompous ass—spoke, my mind too deep within Draco's to comprehend his words. Only when he asked for my words of commitment did I snap back into reality, and with haste, I spoke:  
  
"I do."  
  
Draco repeated my words shortly after, and it was then that Fudge spoke those fatal words that would forever bond Draco and me together:  
  
"With the power vested in me under the United Kingdom, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."  
  
Slowly, Draco leaned in and gave me a kiss that lasted no more than a few seconds, but seemed to hold a lifetime of pain and joy within it. As we walked back down the aisle hand-in-hand, I could think of nothing but the sensation of his skin against mine and the child I carried inside of me, destined to be born in only a few short months.  
  
Even years later, I couldn't tell you anything else of the ceremony; the color of the flowers—or even if there were flowers—and the guests, the dinner afterwards and the Ball held in our honor, all gone a mere moment after they had been experienced.   
  
All I remembered was the touch of his lips against mine, the way he held my tiny hand in his own, and the knowledge we would soon have a son.  
  
  
---  
  
  
_ Who can say_  
_ where the road goes_  
_ where the day flows_  
_ only time_  
_ And who can say_  
_ if your love grows_  
_ as your heart chose_  
_ only time_  
_ Who can say_  
_ why your heart sighs_  
_ as your love flies_  
_ only time_  
_ And who can say_  
_ why your heart cries_  
_ when your love lies_  
_ only time_  
  
_ Who can say_  
_ when the roads meet_  
_ that love might be_  
_ in your heart_  
_ And who can say_  
_ when the day sleeps_  
_ if the night keeps_  
_ all your heart_  
  
_ Night keeps all your heart_  
  
_ Who can say_  
_ if your love grows_  
_ as your heart chose_  
_ only time_  
_ And who can say_  
_ where the road goes_  
_ where the day flows_  
_ only time_  
  
_ Who knows - only time_  
_ Who knows - only time__ *_  
  
*Enya, Only Time  
This wasn't the wedding song, but I don't actually really remember what it was. This fits just as well though *grin*  
  
---  
  
**canihavea-soda: **Of course I missed you. Who doesn't? Heh... well, I should be offended, seeing as how I... err.. would be a Gryffindor... but that's besides the point. *grin* Thanks so much! I'm terribly flattered you like it so much to use all those adjective... heh. Yeah, I understand about the dresses thing... don't worry, it was a casual occassion. I hate wearing dresses as well, to be honest. With a passion. I never wear them... always jeans for me. Aww, I'm sorry the book thing fell through. Maybe next time, eh? :o) People are noticing the "don't break" thing--awesome! You know how I came up with that? I was writing a German play that had a lot of humor in one section (my friends had to do some sort of weird, hilarious dance) and I was supposed to be scowling--so I just flashed the words "don't break" in front of me, and it worked. *snicker* Strange how those things happen, eh? :o)  
  
**Fire: **LOL, you don't need to say those things, you know that. Thanks though.  
  
**Geniusgirl: **Yeah... the one thing cannon refuses to give, however, is how Draco is around his true friends and not just his bodyguards. Plus the whole father/son thing... and I do think he's a much more emotional person that we give him credit for. He just swallows his tears most of the time, but my excuse with Pansy is that he feels human around her, ya know? *grin* Yep, a son--name picked out already and everything.   
  
**Jessica: **Hey you! Thanks for reading, I'm glad you like it so far... heh. It should get better though, hopefully.  
  
**Megan: **Eh... it could be better. I've decided though, and I'm not going to tell you what it is *grin*  
  
** Miyuki Yosei:** I think I remember you... Hmm... thanks for reading, I'm glad you like it so far! :o)  
  
  



	16. Breathing In Destiny

**Save Yourself, Chapter Sixteen **  
  
---  
  
Uhh... I'm debating on two titles for the chapter at the moment... okay, I've decided. The other one was "Bed of Destiny"... cheesy. Shush!! I know it sucks :o) Anyway. School starts on Monday... I ain't looking forward to it anymore. The realization that I'm gonna have to be forced back into that particular hellhole isn't sitting well with me anymore.  
*blinks* *blinks* *blinks* DRACO CHAPTER *blinks* *blinks* *blinks*  
Yeah... His POV, for a change. It's established in the first sentence, so I'm quite sure you won't miss it. *grin*  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
I've always had it easy as the son of Lucius Malfoy; I'm not afraid to admit that, to make my accomplishments perhaps diminish in certain eyes. My name has given me more privileges than my own achievements have, but not even the legendary Malfoy heritage could prepare me for what was coming.  
  
It was Christmas night, and she and I could see the snow falling down onto the grounds through the windows, soft and majestic in the light of the moon. For any other newlyweds, the night would have been perfect to finalize their vows, their bonds, their love; for the two—the three—of us, however, it was a night of simply reflection.  
  
She was devastated by the loss of her freedoms; I was ecstatic for the life, the promise, the possibilities she held within her womb. Even though he was only a few months in the making—she and I had calculated it to almost the exact week, over two months ago—I already felt the bond I was sure would stay with me for the rest of my life and perhaps beyond.   
  
For a Malfoy, family always came first—no matter what the circumstances. Lucius Malfoy was known as cruel, vicious, and ambitious to a fault in the public eye; I, however, knew a great man worthy of so many things I could never say. He taught me things only a father could teach a son, told me the secrets I would need in order to live a life worth living—one of those lessons was to never abandon family, to always remain loyal, even if love wasn't a factor. My mother was never happy with her marriage—arranged, of course—to my father, but in spite of their differences, she stood by him through thick and thin. She was a strong woman, although not the strongest I've known.  
  
The strongest was lying next to me, her dark eyes rimmed with red and her hand set over my heart. She had been through so much in the past few months, I didn't believe even she knew the amount of trauma inflicted on her soul. No longer did she have the home she grew up in, the family she loved, although hated during the appropriate moments; the fire in her eyes had died out for far too long after her father—her murderous, traitorous father—had destroyed the only life she knew. It was a miracle that the fire within her had returned, albeit painfully slow.  
  
So many students had been caught up in their own side of the war between the wizards that they failed to see the pain within the loved ones their victims had left behind. If Albus Dumbledore—if Arthur Weasley—if Harry Potter could see the pain that flowed through my wife's body… If Voldemort—if my father—if her father could only feel the sorrow, the grief, and the guilt of surviving… perhaps there would be no war. Perhaps they would realize the world is not comprised of black and white, rather shades of gray we all sift through day after day.   
  
As I lay there that night, my wife curled up next to me with tears leaking down her pale cheeks, her hand over my heart as it beat, supplying life to the rest of my body, I knew I would never give my life up for anything—not power, not fame, nothing. Our three hearts beat together as we lay there, she and I both tangled in the emotions and dreams of what was to come.  
  
I knew telling my parents of our son would be difficult at first, but they would soon accept and perhaps even welcome the thought. Age was of no matter in the Malfoy Manor; my own mother was a mere sixteen years older than me, something I knew she regretted—although not fully—every day. She had never had the opportunity to become a fully licensed witch, and unbeknownst to my wife, Mother would never let her go through the same fate she experienced. She wasn't even thirty-five years old, against my father's forty-six, and would gladly take up responsibility for another child, one in which she would be better equipped and experienced to take care of.  
  
I knew my wife would, when the time came, forgive the actions of my past. It took me four years to finally realize exactly how much I loved her, and the moment she loved me back, she held my love, my faith, and my soul in her hand. I was hers and she was mine; it was never and would never be any different.  
  
"I love you," I whispered softly, running one smooth finger down her cheek and across her lips. She simply looked up at me, her eyes filled with so many emotions I couldn't even detect one. "Never forget that."  
  
"I promise I won't." Her voice was choked and strained, yet I knew her words to be sincere. "I love you as well, no matter what happens."  
  
"I know," I sighed, kissing her forehead gently. She finally closed her eyes and curled up against me, and with a heavy sigh, slipped into the world of dreams, the one place I knew could make her truly happy.  
  
She was my life; my world; my heart; my soul; my destiny. I would never forget that.  
  
---  
  
I'm finding my way back to sanity again_  
__ Though I don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there__  
__ I take a breath and hold on tight__  
__ Spin around one more time__  
__ And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace__  
__  
__ Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying__  
__ Even if you don't wanna speak tonight__  
__ That's alright, alright with me__  
__ Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door__  
__ And listen to you breathing__  
__ Its where i wanna be, yeah__  
__ Where I wanna be__  
__  
__ I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth__  
__ And i'm trying to identify the voices in my head__  
__ God wish won't you__  
__ Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel__  
__ And break these caluses off me one more time__  
__  
__ Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying__  
__ Even if you don't wanna speak tonight__  
__ That's alright, alright with me__  
__ Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door__  
__ And listen to you breathing__  
__ Its where I wanna be, yeah__  
__  
__ Oh i don't want a thing from you__  
__ Bet you're tired of me waiting for__  
__ The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground__  
__ La da da da...__  
__ Cause i just wanna be here now__  
__  
__ Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying__  
__ Even if you don't wanna speak tonight__  
__ That's alright, alright with me__  
__ Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door__  
__ And listen to you breathing__  
__ Its where i wanna be, yeah__  
__ Where I wanna be__  
__  
__ Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying__  
__ Even if you don't wanna speak tonight__  
__ That's alright, alright with me__  
__ Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door__  
__ And listen to you breathing__  
__ Its where i wanna be, yeah__  
__ Where I wanna be__ *_  
  
*Lifehouse, Breathing  
(Any of you who read my other stuff know I'm a song freak... there's only a few this story though, I promise.)  
  
  
---  
  
**Geniusgirl: **There ya go! A little look into the head of Malfoy around Pansy. Mind you, he isn't always like that... just at that particular time *grin* He'll get bitchy in a chapter or three. Just gotta wait until the right time... It's sappy, isn't it? *sigh* I try so damned hard to make a god damned original f'cking story and it ends up sappy. Aye. I should go slam my head up against a redwood or something. *grin* Yeah, Pansy wasn't supposed to notice any of the details. I've written... *counts* At least two, possibly three or four wizarding weddings, so I know how they go... or at least how they go in my little world. :o) Lily/Snape, Harry/Cassandra *shudder*, Remus/Narcissa... there's one other I'm missing, but I can't quite put my finger on it at this point in time. Ah! Yes. Of course... Lily/James. I'm a f'cking nutcase, sorry. *G* Pansy/Draco makes it five, unless I'm missing one. Am I? I don't remember. There'll be at least another one in this story... which you'll see... later. At the end, I'd imagine. Hmm...  
  
**Jessica: **Yeah, I know, this one's short too! I'm sorry! I couldn't really think of anything else for this chapter.  
  
**Kiki-kins: **Nah, I don't bother with details that much unless they're important. I find frivolous details annoying, especially when described for paragraphs... *grin* So I just avoid writing them. I'm glad you like the story so far! And yes, Pansy getting pregnant was rather... obvious, shall I say? The twist that's coming isn't though, at least as far as I can tell.   
  
**Melinda Malfoy: **Awesome, did you have fun on your vacation? Where'd you go? I want details! *grin* Thanks again. :o)  
  
**Tuppence: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it so far. I have to ask though, could you send me the links to other Pansy/Draco stories? I've never actually read one... or at least one that made sense and had them as the main characters. *shrug* ExemplarPiaculum@hotmail.com Thanks!  



	17. Blood Lines

**Chapter Seventeen****, Blood Lines**  
  
---  
  
I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I've just been so busy this past week or however long it's been... I've had one longass headache as well. Skipped worked today because of it... I just wasn't in the mood for doging paintballs and getting burned and heat exhaustion. I slept in till 3:30 PM anyway... And Holger, the German student dude, is here... I am never playing guitar again. Holy shit, I stink... after listening to him play, I set my guitar down and refused to touch it. *shakes head* I'll get over it, but god damn is that kid good! At least I have him beat on the drums... and English... and math, for that matter... hmm... Okay, there's stuff coming up that you aren't going to be expecting, so if the story seems a bit dull and perhaps repeatitive at the moment, I promise you it'll get over it. The next chapter should be a "back to Hogwarts" one, where everything will start to fall into place... and things will get downright nasty, courtesy of Our Favorite Blonde Slytherin.  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
  
We awoke nearly an hour after the sun had peaked over the horizon on Boxing Day, our limbs tangled together and eyes both puffy and red. Not a word was spoken between the two of us as we rose and dressed, neither bothering to bathe; it simply wasn't worth the effort.  
  
I braided my hair into a complicated pattern of twists and turns, taking as long as possible. We had agreed to tell them at breakfast that morning, whether we felt we were ready or not, and I was trying to delay the inevitable. Draco didn't try to hurry me along, although once he saw how badly my hands were shaking, he took it upon himself to help me with the rest of the style.  
  
Nearly three quarters of an hour after rising, the two of us made our way through the many halls and corridors to where Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy—the titles they now shared with the two of us—were eating a light breakfast. The two acknowledged our entry with nods of their heads as the two of us made our way to the long table. Unlike his parents, Draco and I sat next to one another, his hand over mine for support.  
  
"Good morning," Draco's mother greeted us softly. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
With a quick glance in my direction, my husband—how strange the word seemed—shook his head, diverting his eyes from his parents.  
  
"That is to be expected, of course," his father chuckled softly to himself. Draco immediately looked up to meet his father's eyes, an uncharacteristically show of bravery overwhelming him as he squeezed my hand.  
  
"We want to talk to you about that, actually," he said quickly, wanting to get it over with as fast as possible.  
  
"Draco, perhaps that's something you could discuss with your father and Pansy could discuss with me," Mrs. Malfoy suggested gently, oblivious to the situation at hand.  
  
With a tight smile, Draco shook his head once more, holding his eye contact with his father. "No, it's not—it has nothing—no, well, nothing happened last night, if you must know."  
  
Lucius Malfoy's eyebrow raised in surprise. "And why not?"  
  
"Because that's been happening for nearly five months now," Draco admitted softly.  
  
"Ever since my mother and Zachary—" I stopped, not daring to meet either of Draco's parents' eyes.  
  
Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Malfoy looked surprised at this new discovery; however, after a moment or two of contemplation, Draco's mother suddenly gasped, her silver fork dropping onto the china plate set in front of her with a clatter.  
  
"Don't tell me—" she looked at me, her gaze searching my expression to confirm her suspicions.  
  
Slowly, I nodded, my heart racing. "We just found out the night before last. It had nothing to do with getting married so soon."  
  
Mr. Malfoy wore a lost expression, obviously not realizing what had been exchanged between his wife and I. Draco, noticing his father's confusion, bluntly clarified the situation for him.  
  
"You're going to be a grandfather a few years sooner than expected."  
  
After a startled look first at his son, then at me, and lastly towards his petite wife, Lucius Malfoy promptly fainted.  
  
  
  
  
  
I sat on a sofa next to Draco and across from Mrs. Malfoy, who was giving her unconscious husband an incredulous look. He had been moved to the sitting room where she had commanded the servants to let him be and allow him to wake up on his own.  
  
"Honestly," she sighed wearily, shaking her head. "The man's dealt with corpses, vampires, werewolves, and countless murders—and he faints dead away at something that shouldn't have come as a surprise in the first place!"  
  
Mrs. Malfoy hadn't scolded the two of us or acted disappointed by our choice of actions; instead, she was delighted to have her first grandchild so soon and had taken to congratulating us almost excessively. Draco and I were still worried by his father's reaction, however, and based on his immediate fainting spell, we judged our news wouldn't be well-received with the upper-class man.  
  
Just as I was about to voice my opinion, Mr. Malfoy's body shuddered and his eyes opened almost instantly, wide and surprised.   
  
"Where—" he sputtered, ruffled by his abrupt rousing. After a deep breath, however, he sat up and calmly brushed non-existent pieces of lint off his slightly wrinkled robe. "Did I miss something?"  
  
With an amused expression, Draco's mother patiently explained the situation to him. Lucius' eyes grew wider and wider as her story went on, and finally, with the news of his fainting spell, he swore—loudly.  
  
After nearly five minutes of uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke once more, this time in a much softer tone.  
  
"Have you graced us with a grandson or a granddaughter?"  
  
"Grandson," Draco's voice showed no outward signs of nervousness or search of approval, but inwardly I knew he was desperate for his father to not be disappointed—or at least show none.  
  
Mr. Malfoy nodded his head, "Good. That way you won't be forced to have any more children to continue the Malfoy line."  
  
"It doesn't matter at the moment, Father, but we do plan on continuing the Parkinson line as well," Draco admitted. "Every other child we have will bear the Parkinson name—even sons."  
  
Even Mrs. Malfoy managed to look shocked at Draco's announcement—even more so than the initial one. Her expression softened almost immediately, however, and she leaned forward to take her son's hand in her own.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Draco," she spoke quietly, glancing over towards her husband, and then back towards me. "And you as well, Pansy. Lucius and I both are proud to welcome you to the family."  
  
With a smile, Mrs. Malfoy gently took her husband's hand and guided him out of the room, leaving Draco and I to contemplate his parents' reactions. Without a doubt, they hadn't been anywhere similar to the ones I had been expecting; he, however, seemed completely relaxed and unsurprised.  
  
"That went well," he commented dryly, his eyes staring straight ahead towards the roaring fireplace.   
  
I didn't respond; instead, I watched the orange and blue flames dance in front of my eyes, my mind six months in the future, when our son would be born and our lives would change forever.  
  
Had I been given a chance to take it all back, that was the moment when I finally decided at the very least I wasn't sure. No longer would I jump at the chance to rid myself and my future of my unborn child; instead, I knew my life would be full of guilt for not giving our child the chance to live and for giving him up before Draco had a chance to hold the son he had been waiting his entire life for—whether he would admit it or not.  
  
---  
  
**Fire: **Nah, I bet you I could write something you'd REALLY hate. I'll try it sometime... it'd be a nice challenge. *G*  
  
**Geniusgirl: **You? Insult me? Never! It's impossible, trust me... besides, your comments are more or less what fueled that particular chapter. Feel happy :o) And thank you for telling me the truth about what you think about this story! It means a lot, believe me, and sticks more in my mind than all of those "great", "wonderful", or "you suck". Draco DOES have a softer side, I swear! LOL. Just cuz Harry doesn't see it doesn't mean it's not there. You'll see nasty!Draco soon enough... nastier than you've ever seen him before *da-dum* Actually, I'm betting you've seen worse, but... for 6th-year!Draco? It's pretty damn bad, especially in a story where he's supposed to be human.  
  
**Kiki-kins: **The twist is actually rather predictable... although perhaps not. I think it is... and if you read the last chapter carefully, you may find the reference to it. When they say the past will come back to haunt you, they ain't kidding. *grin*  
  
**Megan: **You know, I decided to extend the story a bit... if I can figure out how to do it. You never did call me, you little twit. The Slut's gonna go to the extreme, by the way... in both parts. The one with her AND him... when he... yeah. *grin* I don't wanna give anything away. Did I tell you about the part with him? I know I told you about the one with her... but... well... yeah. He goes bad. As in sleeping with the fish bad. Is realization setting in? Maybe.  
**  
****Melinda Malfoy: **Wow, intersting family you've got there... *grin* I'm glad you had a good vacation. I'd kill to go to Europe... I speak German, so especially there and the UK. My characters are okay, I suppose, but thanks :o)  
  
**slush puppy: **Damn... long review! Thanks :o) Nah, he's Draco... like I said to GG, just cuz Harry doesn't see his soft side doesn't mean it's not there. He only treats Pansy like that though, and he'll get nasty enough to make up for all that god damned sap he's showing right now. This not, by any definition, one of the best or even one of the better stories on this site, but I thank you for that comment anyway :o) Bo-peep, eh? I'm proud of you! You should have gotten someone to dress up as a sheep or something... Yeah, all those small "shirts" and lo-rider tightass pants get on my nerves... *sigh* Okay, I'll admit, I wear them sometimes, but only because *I* like them, not because some assanine, stupid, airhead, dyed-blonde wannabe whore told me to, or because I want to be one. I'm perfectly happy with my dark hair, pale-ish face (paintball changed that... damn suntan... at least it's natural), and morals. I like my morals. *pouts* All right, I'll stop now. I plan on dressing up as a guy for Halloween and getting my guy friends to dress up as girls... they're all for it. I can't figure out how to hide my hair though... any suggestions? I ain't getting a haircut, no f'ing way. Hey, you! BREATHE! Don't hold your breath... I've been so, so busy lately with school and all... *sigh* sloppy aimée kisses to you as well, m'dear.  
**  
****Wyrd Sista187: **Yeah, considering he's being nice to Pansy and Pansy alone... heh. He'll become the Draco we all know and love soon enough though, don't worry... the nice little Slytherin he is. I want to thank you for reading and reviewing all of the stories of mine you did, it means a lot! *grin* thank you tons!!  



	18. The Beautiful Ones

**Chapter Eighteen - The Beautiful Ones**  
  
OMIGOD. Guess who's gonna be published in late November? *grins* Anyone willing to buy my book? It's a bit more than I want it to be price-wise (gag) ($12.95 or around there), but... hey. *grin* I love you forever? Once it's up at Amazon.com, I'll post the link. Guess that means I'll have to keep writing this story for another two or three months, eh? I have no problem with it.  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  
I'm done.  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
One week later, Draco and I found ourselves back on the Hogwarts Express, this time heading back to the wizarding school for the second term. We waved goodbye to his parents as the train departed, our hands clasped and grim expressions on both our faces. Lucius Malfoy had owled Professor Snape the day before, explaining the situation, and had requested that no one else, save Professor Dumbledore, know. Our wish for a separate room away from the other Slytherins was granted, although was only applicable during the last few months of our sixth year at Hogwarts.   
  
As the train departed from the platform, I stretched out across the bench seat in our otherwise empty compartment, laying my head in his lap. Almost unconsciously, his fingers began to play with my long dark hair even before words were spoken between the two of us.  
  
"Do we tell anyone?"  
  
The question came in the form of his words, but was also weighing heavily on my mind. I had been considering the different possibilities for quite a while now, but I hadn't the courage to voice my opinions before he had asked.  
  
"No," I stated quietly, listening to the harsh sounds of the train's wheels. "There's too much of a risk involved… I don't want your reputation tarnished, nor do I want Blaise to even think about getting any ideas."  
  
"If she does anything…" Draco paused for a moment, his gray eyes distant. "I'll kill her."  
  
I sighed, knowing his words to speak more than his actions ever would. "She's too cowardly to try anything, don't worry. Besides, I have to believe she respects marriage, no matter how much she hates me."  
  
"I hope so," Draco spoke quietly, his eyes now gazing into my own. "My father once told me there was little pride and respect in being a Slytherin to all of those who never realized pride and respect was what Slytherin was all about. I never knew what he meant by that until the first time Potter and Weasley taunted me about being one."  
  
"What does it mean?" I asked sleepily as my eyes started to slowly close.  
  
"It means even if no one else understands what we feel, as long as we still have pride and respect for what we do, it doesn't matter. It means that even if no one else understands or approves of why the two of us are together and why we've made the decisions we have, it is insignificant as long as we have pride in everything we do, respect in each other, and thankfully love one another for who we are and what we will become." He took in a deep breath, his eyes still locked on my own. "It doesn't matter was Blaise says or does; we are true Slytherins, and in being so, we come first, not some Irish half-blood whore."  
  
I grinned in spite of myself, tracing a pattern on the palm of his hand. "She's a half-blood, is she? She always insisted she was a pureblood."  
  
"Her family, back in Voldemort's first reign, was targeted immediately after the Potters were. I'm sure she doesn't know this—only a select few were chosen to go through with the murders, and no one else ever found out."  
  
"So your father is a Death Eater," I said quietly, not at all surprised in his admittance. "Do you plan on following in his footsteps?"  
  
"No," Draco spoke firmly, squeezing my hand and turning his head to gaze out the window. "I promised you I would never become one of them, and I intend on keeping my word. If you or"—he turned back towards me and reached out to touch my stomach lightly—"our children are ever threatened, however, I will do whatever it takes to ensure your safety."  
  
"As will I," I promised, sleep finally winning as I closed my eyes and fell into a deep oblivion.  
  
  
  
  
  
That night, as we ate a large dinner in the Great Hall, Draco and I spoke only to one another, ignoring the inquiries of our housemates. Once Crabbe and Goyle failed to receive an answer from their leader's lips, the rest soon realized they were even less likely to succeed.  
  
What followed was a routine we had both done countless times before, yet that night was the first time we dared to notice. We sat in front of the fire, in one of the best chairs, curled up together and staying perfectly silent. Few words were required between us, and even as cliché as it sounds, I could tell what his every thought was. It may have been the intense amounts of magic flowing between us or the addition amount supplied to me from our child, but as we sat there, a sort of radiance of power overcame us, making each student in the common room glance our way in awe at least once during the night. Together, we were powerful, and together, we knew it.  
  
It was well past midnight when the two of us finally stood from our comfortable seat, tired and more than willing to go to sleep. The question hung between us, however, one that should have been simple to answer:  
  
Should we act as all married couples and sleep in the same bed, assured by the other's presence, or should we remain as most students would: separate only when not having sex?  
  
Draco answered the question rather abruptly, taking my hand in his and leading me up towards his own dorm, where Crabbe, Nott, and Goyle lay, hopefully sound asleep. My trunk, by the instructions from Professor Snape, had been placed in the boy's dormitories and two beds had—rather discretely—been pushed together, forming a large one that comfortably fit the two of us. It had been shoved into a corner, so the size was not evident upon first inspection.   
  
Before I fell asleep that night, I allowed Draco to place his hand once more over his son, one who was now almost three months along. I thanked God my robes were loose and flowing, as some parts of my school uniform were already too tight to wear.  
  
---  
  
**canihavea-soda: **Where have you been? I've missed you! LOL, yes, Lucius fainted, in true Lucius form (I have a rather low image of him, but he's cool nonetheless). Nah, I don't write well, but thanks. You're 19? That ain't old! My father's my agent (by law) right now, so I'm sorta stuck. At least he knows what's good for me. *grin*  
  
**Fire: **Oy. *yawn* Me tired.  
  
**Jade: **You psychotic Landon!whore! *grin* I mean that in the best possible way and you know it. Thank you so much, dear, for all those wonderful reviews. You deserve a BIG hug.  
  
**Jilly-chan: **Why, thank you :o) I can assure you, you won't be disappointed... a little angered, perhaps, by the twists and such, but not disappointed. Slytherins are cool as long as they aren't the ones who throw away their pride for the first Dark Lord who walks by and promises them a bit of power.  
  
**Kiki-kins: **Nah, you'll just have to see who Draco's an asshole to. It goes deeper than that... deeper than any characterization of Draco in this story.   
  
**Megan: **Of course it'll work. With you as my guide, it shall be wonderful! *grin*  
  
**Queen: **Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! :o)  
  
**slush puppy: **I have to say, the way they portrayed Jason Isaacs as Lucius Malfoy in the movie... *shudder* At least from what I can tell right now. It looks awful, and I seriously almost gagged when I saw it. I ran from the from screaming and hid in my Dad's room for an hour.Well, I still say there are hundreds of better stories than this one on ff.net, but thank you once more. AHHH... your sister sounds like a horror story (no offense, of course)! I've had one style throughout my entire life and I keep it like that. Jeans and a comfy shirt with a sweater jacket or a leather/corteroy (I can't spell, sorry) jacket over it... *shrug* Nice and simple. Feel free to vent to me whenever. Email me if you want, lol, ExemplarPiaculum@hotmail.com I'm good at listening to vents. All right, about the hair thing... my hair's more than halfway down my back--and curly. So... it's like... find a hat and hide it? No. Cut my hair? Hell no. Curl it? Already curly... although admittantly not *curly* curly, just wavey curly. Right now, it's straight, cuz I'll take the twenty-thirty minutes to fix it. School? Ouch. Sorry... hope you're having... uh... fun? :o)  
  
** Wyrd Sista187: **Ahh, the baby. Yes... he'll be in danger, but not the sort you're thinking of, I'm betting. Thanks :o)  



	19. Fear of Forever

**Save Yourself, Chapter Nineteen (I think)**  
  
All right, no time for thank yous and all that, I apologize. It's 12:05 AM and I was supposed to be in bed a half hour ago, and I still have to fix my hair for tomorrow... dangit. By the way, about the publishing thing, no, I wasn't kidding. In late November, early December, I'm going to post a link to my novel "Phoenix Ashes" from amazon.com. Thank you all for the overwhelming support!  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
The two of us had almost two weeks of peace before the storm blew over—and stayed for far too long. On January 14th, our relationship was changed for the rest of our lives, and it was all caused by a whirlwind of red hair.  
  
Blaise.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Aidan."  
  
"Too weak sounding."  
  
"Samuel."  
  
"Too prissy."  
  
"Bradford."  
  
"I will not, under any conditions, name our son Bradford."  
  
I smirked slightly, once again sitting next to my husband—I still wasn't used to that word—on the large sofa placed in front of the fire of the Slytherin common room. The two of us were throwing names out, trying to decide on one that we could both agree on—something that had yet to happen.  
  
"Evan."  
  
Draco blanched. "The name 'Evan' conjures up images of a small, dark-haired boy too scared to defend himself."  
  
I grinned in spite of myself, knowing full well the next name out of my mouth shouldn't be spoken—even as a joke.   
  
"Harry."  
  
Draco tensed up momentarily before he realized I had been joking, and then turned to look me directly in the eye and verbalize his disapproval of me.  
  
"Don't you ever say that name around our child."  
  
I was taken aback by the harshness of his tone, although I knew I should have suspected it. Without so much as a word, I nodded, turning my gaze back to the fireplace.  
  
Hardly a minute went by before I felt a slight amount of pressure on the cushion I was leaning on. Before I could turn around to see who had approached the two of us, I heard the very last sound I wanted to hear.  
  
Blaise's voice.  
  
"So I hear you shagged Pansy here and ended up with a soon-to-be squalling infant." Even though I wasn't looking at her, I could hear the smirk on her face.  
  
Surprised that the Whore of Slytherin had found out about our son, I turned to Draco with more than a little shock written on my face.  
  
"I told Terence," he admitted softly to me, his cold gray eyes set upon Blaise's features.  
  
"The same Terence I've been shagging for a little over two weeks," Blaise was polite enough to inform the two of us.  
  
"It's good to know you've been keeping up with your reputation," Draco shot back rather weakly. His eyes were nervously darting from Blaise to me, and his hand was squeezing mine much tighter than usual.  
  
"So," Blaise began, twirling her fire-red hair between two pale spidery fingers. "Have you asked her yet?"  
  
"Asked me what?" I interjected, suddenly aware of the fact something was going on I wasn't aware of.  
  
Blaise turned to me, faux surprise written all over her face. "To get an abortion, of course."  
  
"Why, you little—" Draco stood up suddenly, letting go of my hand in the process. His fists were clenched and teeth bared, and for one awful moment I was afraid he'd hit her; I wasn't afraid for her protection, rather the consequences of such an action.  
  
"You little what, Draco?" Blaise challenged, her green eyes on fire. "I'm surprised you haven't, really—seeing as how you told me to get one, I would have assumed history would repeat itself."  
  
Before I realized what she had said, Draco lunged for her throat, only narrowly missing. He landed on the couch next to me, his usually pale face flushed with anger and hatred towards the small Irish half-blood.  
  
"Wait," I paused, allowing the new information to sink into my head. "You mean—?"  
  
Blaise then turned towards me, a smirk upon her pretty face, her eyes dancing. "Don't worry, Pansy—I'm still the best he's ever had."  
  
Without another word, she turned on her heel and waltzed out of the Slytherin Common Room, Terrence Nott trailing along behind her.  
  
Ever so slowly, I turned towards the man crouched beside me, his flawless face filled with rage. His eyes turned to meet mine, and I saw something I had never seen in them before:  
  
Guilt.  
  
"You didn't." My words were more of a statement than a question.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his face crumpling in his attempts to not cry—whether it be from rage, guilt, or fear, I didn't know.  
  
"You didn't," I repeated, tears filling my own eyes. "You didn't—tell me you didn't."  
  
"I did," he sighed, "two years, before we got serious."  
  
"So I guess that just makes it all right for you then, doesn't it?" I suddenly burst out, no longer caring about the loss of dignity. "Just because I wasn't—it doesn't give you the right—"  
  
Without warning, he wrapped his arms around me tightly in a desperate attempt to get me to listen to him.  
  
"Pansy, I love you, I love this child, I love us—Blaise was a mistake, she was a mistake I'm never going to make again, please, _ please _listen to me…"  
  
"NO!" I yelled loudly, causing the entire common room to turn and stare at us. "I don't care, you lying son of a bitch—get _away_ from me!"  
  
With that, I pushed him away and stood up, running as quickly to the stairs of the sixth year girl's dorms as I could, leaving Draco behind me, his own tears now spilling down his cheeks as he saw me run out of his life for what he feared to be forever.  
  



	20. Twilight Dawns

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty - Twilight Dawns****  
**  
Hmm... well, sorry, I know I haven't been updating anything, but school's been hectic as hell and last weekend I had to work and ref this HUGE paintball tournament (I got hit over forty times and I have about fifteen bruises--five or six of them are huge ones) last weekend... I'm about to head out to go see a movie as well, "Sweet Home Alabama". I wrote almost all of this in my journal for Creative Writing in school today (Hey! School DOES have a function!! *grin*), so I'm sorry if it's a little sloppy. I do have two betas (both of which never actually read before I post *grin*), but... eh. Megan and Fire are lazy little Polseraphs :o)  
Aimée   
  
---  
  
That night, I cried myself to sleep, asking all the gods and spirits I could think of why this had happened—why the man who supposedly loved me would do such a thing. In the back of my mind I understood what he had done was perfectly within the clauses of the contract our parents had drawn up and that as a Malfoy wife, I wasn't to question his actions or challenge him in any way—but as a Parkinson girl, I was going to make him cry until his body collapsed from lack of water for what he did to not only us, but to Blaise's child.  
  
  
The next morning signaled the start of the weekend and the first day I began to regret the past four mouths. I stayed in the dorms reading for nearly twelve hours after I woke up, devouring three of the books I had received for Christmas, leaving the ones Draco had given me untouched. I was trying to escape from the present, something I hadn't done for quite a while.  
  
It was a little after nine and nearly three hours after the sun had fallen victim to the horizon when I heard a soft knocking on the dormitory door. I looked up, startled by the sudden intrusion of sound into my silent world.  
  
Instantly, I decided Millicent was the one who had disturbed me, as Blaise was staying with Terrence to both avoid me and laugh at me all in one foul swoop.  
  
"What do you want, Millicent?" I snapped, looking back down at the pages of my book and not bothering to look back up as the door slowly creaked open and heavy footsteps walked into the dormitory. The door was then shut as silently as possible, testimony to Millicent's acknowledgement of the state I was in—or would have liked to have been in. After the click of the metal lock on the door was heard, there was absolute silence.  
  
Shaking my head, I went back to my reading, and after a few minutes nearly forgetting Millicent was present, most likely getting ready for bed.  
  
"You really should eat," a soft voice came from behind me—one that was definitely not Millicent's.  
  
Both the sound and the words startled me out of my reading again, but this time it was with utmost shock and horror that I looked up and spun around on the bed I was sitting on, bringing me face to face with the one person I didn't want to see:  
Draco.  
  
He had silently managed to carry a silver tray of food in, and he had set the meal—made up of all my favorite foods—on top of a chest of drawers.   
  
Gathering myself back into my guarded state of mind, I breathed in deeply and placed on my face a mask of indifference.   
  
"I'm not hungry," I said stiffly, unaware of why he had taken the time to do such a thing.  
  
He glared half-heartedly towards me while taking a sandwich set on one of the platters. Without saying a word, he leaned towards me, setting the sandwich next to me with a look of non-negotiation.   
  
With a resigned sigh, I complied with his wishes, knowing I should eat, if not for me then for our son.  
  
"We need to talk," Draco said quietly, respectively still standing a meter in front of me.  
  
"Yes, we do," I replied after swallowing a bite.  
  
"I need you to understand that it meant nothing. I was young, stupid, inexperienced, and just confused altogether," he admitted, his eyes meeting mine in an intense gaze where no words were needed to communicate. After a moment of this, he looked away, a blush creeping up onto his cheeks.  
  
"So you decided in stead of saving yourself, you'd enjoy one night of clumsy fondling and potentially ruin our relationship—or did you just not think of the consequences?" I challenged, glaring at his pale form.  
  
"I simply didn't think at all," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper and his gray eyes downcast. "If I had, then I would have realized I had someone a thousand times better elsewhere. What I did realize, however, is exactly how much I really did love you, and when I saw what I had done afterwards, I couldn't live with it, so I swore Blaise to secrecy and pretended it never happened." Draco took in a deep breath and looked back up towards me, his eyes hungry for approval and understanding.  
  
"What if marriage isn't all you've idealized it as?" I asked quietly, the urge to scream and kick and cry at the unfairness of it all overwhelming my senses, but I forced myself to remain calm. "When you tire of me or find someone prettier, will you ignore me or leave me all together?"  
  
"Of course not!" he exclaimed, taking a step forward in frustration—or perhaps desperation. "We're a family whether you like it or not, and we're stuck together through it all, but I love being with you. I loved what we've created together and I wouldn't give it up for the world. The two of us were perfect together, and I'll be damned if I let you get away like this. I'm so sorry for what I did, and I regret it with everything I am, but you have to see that without that happening, I would have never seen—" he stopped, two small spots on his cheeks turning pink with frustration. "I would have never seen how wonderful we are; we would have ended up like our parents, you know that."  
  
"You betrayed me, you betrayed your family, and you betrayed your son," I spat out, touching my swelling belly as I spoke of our son. "I can forgive you for betraying me and I can forgive you for putting Blaise's life in jeopardy, but I can never forgive you for betraying our son and killing the child you might have had with Blaise. When I think back to when you tried to do the same thing to me—" I shook my head, dark chunks of hair falling into my eyes. "It makes sense, Draco. You know it does and that's exactly why you've come here."  
  
"No," he shook his head in denial, "I came here because I love you and I hate this. I hate fighting with you and I hate knowing I could have fucked this up so greatly with something I did so stupidly two years ago. The reason I allowed Blaise to use the spell was because if she hadn't, she would have been killed. Sending the mistress out of the country isn't an option for a Malfoy," he sighed, guilt creeping into his features. "If anything, I was trying my best to protect you."  
  
"Protect me?" I sneered, standing up suddenly. "You think I need protection from the evils of the world, Draco? You don't even know what death is—when you cast that spell, you didn't even think about the potential of life you were taking away, were you?" I breathed in heavily, my own rage and frustration finally taking hold of me. "You know what, Draco? I want you to know exactly what death really is—I want you to know exactly the kind of thing you took away from the world."   
  
With one quick movement, I was holding my wand and pointing the tip of the mahogany piece of wood directly at my temple.   
  
"I want you to suffer for what you did." Before he could realize what was happening, I closed my eyes and pictured the two words that were leaving my lips—two words that would change his life forever, and the two words that would send me to hell.  
_  
__"Avada Kedavra." __  
_  
  
---  
_  
  
__God, I feel like hell tonight__  
__Tears of rage I cannot fight__  
__I'd be the last to help you understand__  
__Are you strong enough to be my man?__  
__  
__Nothing's true and nothing's right__  
__So let me be alone tonight__  
__Cause you can't change the way I am__  
__Are you strong enough to be my man?__  
__  
__Lie to me__  
__I promise I'll believe__  
__Lie to me__  
__But please don't leave__  
__  
__I have a face I cannot show__  
__I make the rules up as I go__  
__It's try and love me if you can__  
__Are you strong enough to be my man?__  
__  
__When I've shown you that I just don't care__  
__When I'm throwing punches in the air__  
__When I'm broken down and I can't stand__  
__Will you be strong enough to be my man?__  
__  
__Lie to me__  
__I promise I'll believe__  
__Lie to me__  
__But please don't leave_*  
  
*Sheryl Crow, Strong Enough  
  
---  
  
Eek! No time for individual thank yous right now, I'm sorry, but thank you ALL for reviewing! I love ya'll! *grin*  
  



	21. A Sense of Loss

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-One****  
**  
---  
  
Eh, it's short, I know... *sigh* Ah, well. I need your opinion on something, guys! I need to choose a picture for the biography section of my book, and... well... I can't decide. Well, I DO have an order I like them in, but... eh. Anyway, if you would be so kind as to go to the following site:  
**********  
http://www.angelfire.com/wizard/hpfanfic0/images/bookpics.html  
**********  
and tell me the order you like the pictures in, best to worst, either in a review or by email--ExemplarPiaculum@hotmail.com. Thanks guys!! :o)  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
At one time or another, every person can look back on their life and remember a moment where time seemed to stop; a time when everything was frozen in place and all they could do is watch in mute horror as their world around them is still.   
  
I stood there, powerless, watching Pansy speak the two words that would destroy both her life and mine. Instantly, my mind flashed to the first day I had seen her; standing in the middle of Platform 9 ¾, her family standing with her. She looked as regal as a scared eleven year old girl could, and that was the moment I first began to admire her. Father had told me much about the Parkinson's, including all he knew about his business partner's daughter—the girl I knew from day one I was going to marry. She had never been extremely attractive, but she had always been much prettier than she believed she was.  
  
Becoming a father had always been a dream of mine—one I knew would eventually happen, but I was much too impatient to simply accept the wait. Now, as Pansy spoke the Killing Curse with her wand pointed directly towards her temple, my chances were slipping away; my dreams of having a son of my own to bestow the Malfoy honor and pride in was about to die, right along with the one person I had learned to truly love in my life.  
  
Panic overtook me as the words rang throughout my mind and their meaning finally overtook me; in an act of pure stupidity and Gryffindorish bravery, I thrust my body forward, as if to shield her from the oncoming spell she had bestowed upon herself. The action was futile, however, and in the middle of my movement I seemed to realize this—and time seemed to speed up to it's normal time once again.  
  
I stood in front of Pansy, still holding the wand to her temple; I was breathing heavily and expecting something to happen at any moment, but thankfully, nothing did. Her expression soon became one of humor, transforming from her earlier one of determination and rage.  
  
I shook my head, unable to comprehend what had just happened—which had simply been nothing. Slowly, she removed the wand, dropping her right arm back down beside her. She sat back down on the bed, her dark eyes gazing up at me expectantly—but of what, I didn't know.  
  
"How does it feel?" she whispered, her silky voice dangerously soft and controlled. "Were you scared?"  
  
"No," I wheezed after a moment, still trying to catch my breath. Her eyebrows arched as her expression changed to one of a mixture of disbelief and mild shock. "Didn't have time for fear—just panic."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I shook my head, refusing to answer her question. "Why didn't you--?"  
  
"Why didn't I die?" she asked, an arrogant smirk playing across her features. "Because I can't cast the Killing Curse—and neither can you. In order to be able to cast a curse, especially one as powerful as that, one must be able to first understand both the functions and the consequences. I understand both, and the reason I couldn't cast it is because I understand what death and lose are like—and I wouldn't wish it on anyone in the world, not even you, Draco."  
  
"You must hate me," I said softly, my eyes downcast. "I wouldn't blame you in the least."  
  
"I don't hate you," she said equally as softly. "I'm just immensely ashamed of both you and your actions. You've disappointed me, your family, and have set a terrible example for our son—but worst of all, you weren't willing to take responsibility for your actions and killed a helpless baby. I don't hate you though," she shook her head once again, letting her hair fall into her eyes. "I just wish it hadn't happened."  
  
I took in a deep breath, ecstatic to hear she didn't hate me. "Does this mean…?"  
  
"This doesn't mean anything," she suddenly snapped, her eyes bearing into mine. "All it means is I'm willing to do what I believe is best and not hold a grudge, for the sake of us and the baby—nothing more."  
  
I nodded slowly. "All right." Without looking back, I slowly stepped to the side and walked down the aisle, finally reaching the door and unlocking it with a single twist.   
  
She was gone—and at that moment, so was I.  
  
  
---  
  
  
**Aiwen Fyre: **Yay, I updated! *grin* Yeah, sorry about the cliffie... I know they're annoying, trust me, I read enough of them myself.  
  
**Demeter: **Neither did I. Hadn't a clue how I was going to get her out of that one... then I remembered what Moody said, kicked myself for doing that, and then just took the wimpy way out.   
  
**FiretheBeta: ***grin*  
  
**Jasmine: **Still blinking? *grin* I know, weird situation and way out of it... but hey, remember what Moody said... can't cast AK, really. *blinks* How's ya doin'?  
  
**Jessica Mercury:** Aww, thank you!! Yes, I'll definitely post the link... and because of that, I probably won't be updating more than once a week for the next two months, if even that, just because I want to have story left to post chapters to in order to post the link... and does that make any sense? *grin* You've changed your name quite a bit, I believe, and each one is just as, if not more entertaining than the last.   
  
**Kiki-kins: **Of course that wasn't the end! You didn't think I was as cruel to do something like that to you, did you? Yeah, I would probably do something stupid like that as well... as long as I knew the spell wouldn't work. *grin*  
  
**Melinda Malfoy:** And I didn't kill her :o) I updated, but not very soon... sorry it took so long. I had this chapter written on Friday, I just wasn't sure if I was going to add to it or not... ended up being "or not". Sorry about that!  
  
**Mignonne-and-Sellene: **Twenty chapters in one sitting, eh? Wow, I'm impressed. Thank you :o) I appreciate the feedback. No, I know Save Yourself isn't the best it can be, and chances are once I've finished with it I'll go back and edit. I don't use the betas I have which makes the mistakes more obvious, plus I don't actually go back and reread... I'm usually in too much of a hurry for that. I know, I know, I should take the time to do so... :o) Cliché? Eek, what in the writing's cliché? The curling up on the couch thing... eh, I couldn't really think of anything else they'd be doing on a winter's night after homework without getting *extremely* cliché, so it was sort of the lesser of the two evils. I called Lucius the "upper class man"? Damnit, I'm gonna have to fix that, thanks for pointing it out. Ha... my vocabulary... sucks. I'm gonna fail the SATS and enjoy every minute of it. Thank you once again :o)  
  
**PureBloodGryffindor: **No one's being killed... Pansy was trying to scare Draco into thinking she was going to kill herself (and inevitably the baby along with her), but she obviously didn't mean it. :o)  
  
**sasori: **Ugh, I hate that cold feeling, especially when it shouldn't have happened (i.e. thinking I forgot to do homework when I really did do it). Nah, he doesn't save her... no time for that. Pansy DID, however, know it wasn't going to work... smart girl.  
  
**slush puppy:** Eh? :o)  
**  
****Wyrd Sista187:** Thank you :o) I'm glad you approve of it.   



	22. So Sets the Sun

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-Two****  
**  
-----  
  
I like this chapter. :o) It's late, my ankel's swelling up from spraining it a bit on the Master's Field at paintball (god, I almost typed Quidditch, how f'ing pathetic, lol), I'm tired as hell, and I need sleep. *sigh* That pictures page does work both in Netscape and Explorer... I don't know about AOL though, sorry guys. This isn't the end of all that lovely conflict either... just to warn you guys... the MAJOR thing is coming up soon. Probably something like, oh, the next two chapters or so. *grin*  
Aimée  
  
-----  
  
Moonlight shone through the dark halls, lighting my way as I walked down the damp corridor during the hours before dawn nearly two months after the last conversation Draco and I had had. My midsection, once only slightly swollen, was now approaching bulging and unsightly. After the initial period of cravings and exhaustion, I finally gained the courage to inform Madame Pomfrey of my condition—something in which seemed to give her both an extraordinary amount of joy and excitement as well as an ulcer. I swore her to secrecy, however, allowing her to inform only a professor, and even then only when absolutely necessary—else I would do so on my own.  
  
That particular night, I was having a difficult time sleeping, and whether it be from hormones or simple insomnia, nothing I did helped. I knew in a situation such as this, Draco would gladly stay up with me to make sure I wasn't lonely, but for the time being, that wasn't an option. I refused to speak to him, along with most of my other housemates. Millicent had taken Blaise's side, as she always did, leaving me alone in the dormitory. As far as I knew, no one knew Draco and I were married, and as far as I cared, no one but those who already knew would ever find out.   
  
In the dark corridor in the middle of the night, I stopped by one of the large arched windows and stood gazing out at the millions of twinkling stars, the light they produced dimly reflecting off of the layer of freshly fallen snow covering the rolling hills of the school's grounds. It wasn't until I felt a hand touch my should gently that I realized I wasn't alone, and as I spun around to face the person who had dared interrupted my solitude, I took a step back, nearly tripping on the waist-high window ledge.  
  
"Careful," a strong voice spoke quietly, reaching out to steady my shaking frame. I looked up to see Professor Snape standing a mere foot in front of me, his usually dull black eyes shining with concern.  
  
"Professor, I'm—" I stopped, not quite ready to deal out the excuse I had made about going to see Madame Pomfrey about getting something to help me sleep—not altogether a complete and total lie.  
  
"I know," he said quietly, guiding me away from the window and back down the halls towards the Slytherin dungeons. Instead of turning down the corridor leading down towards the Slytherin Common Room, Snape lead me down toward his office, silent as he unlocked the door and gestured for me to take a seat in one of the surprisingly comfortable chairs. He took a seat in the chair next to me instead of the one set behind his desk, conjuring up two steaming mugs of what I recognized instantly to be hot chocolate.  
  
"I realize, as your teacher, that it's not my place to intervene with students' relationships, unless harmful of course, but as a friend of your mother's, I know I have to at least talk to you, for her sake if nothing else."  
  
"Sir?" I asked, slightly confused at his choice of topic.  
  
"He's sorry," Snape continued, looking me directly in the eye. "And worst of all, he's sorry for a crime he didn't commit."  
  
"Sir?" I repeated, creasing my brow in confusion. Granted it was nearly five in the morning, but I know I should have latched on to his meaning sooner than I was.  
  
"Draco," he clarified for me, watching as my expression changed immediately from one of confusion to one of disgust. "You two were married surprisingly young—too young, if you ask me—and I'm well aware of what has happened between you in the past few months."  
  
"How do you know…?" I asked, visions of Lucius Malfoy telling the whole wizarding population his son and I were married dancing in my head.  
  
"I know you two are married because I attended your wedding," he informed me matter-of-factly. I blinked in surprise, griping the armrests of the chair tightly. "And I know of your fight because I was in the Common Room at the time."  
  
I shook my head, once again thoroughly confused. "But I didn't see you?"  
  
"I should hope not," Professor Snape lifted his steaming mug of hot chocolate to his lips and sipped the hot liquid carefully. "But that's not what I brought you here to talk about. What I want to tell you is something Draco refuses to acknowledge, even though I'm sure somewhere in his subconscious he's aware of it."  
  
"Which is?" I prompted, too nervous to take a sip of my own hot chocolate. My mind was still foggy from the lack of sleep and even though Professor Snape's words were registering clearly in my mind, I didn't have the emotional capabilities at the early hour to react as one normally would.  
  
"Ms. Zambini was never pregnant with Draco's child," Professor Snape said softly, looking down at his pale hands. "Instead, the child was Mr. Finnigan's, of the Gryffindor sixth years."  
  
My mind flashed back to the night I had caught Seamus and Blaise in bed together, my mind instantly connecting the pieces of the puzzle; Draco had to have slept with Blaise only a few weeks before hand, somehow making him realize exactly what love is and therefore causing his complete turnabout on the night of the Yule Ball.  
  
"That still doesn't excuse his actions," I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my swelling stomach the best I could. In my nightgown, the bulge was obvious; as I was wearing a long black dressing gown over it, however, I was hopefully concealing the length of my pregnancy to Professor Snape.  
  
Snape nodded with agreement, reaching back behind him to pick up a heavy blanket, handing it to me with a blank expression on his face. I took the blanket gratefully, wrapping it around my shoulders to keep in the warmth the dungeons were quickly sucking from my body.  
  
"He didn't correctly cast the spell either, because he simply didn't want to," Professor Snape continued, his face curiously blank and far-off. "Blaise later came to me, begging me for a potion, telling me the child was in fact Draco's—a lie I recognized immediately. She only used the Malfoy name because of the convenience and the knowledge she would be killed had she carried the baby to full term. It was simply a matter of the easiest way out for her," Snape took another sip of his hot chocolate as if he were simply reciting the day's lesson plans, or perhaps what he had eaten for dinner.   
  
"Does he know?" I asked quietly, the tired numbness still present within my mind.   
  
"I told him this evening," Snape answered, setting his mug down. "He wanted to tell you himself, but I thought it best if I did."  
  
I nodded slowly, absorbing all of the information he had given me. "Why did you bother?" I finally asked. "You could have just as easily let the two of us fall to pieces. Why did you bother telling us?"  
  
"Because you're the only thing that can keep him from bowing down to Lord Voldemort," Snape informed me in a monotonous tone. I flinched as he said the Dark Lord's full name, but he disregarded my momentary discomfort and continued. "Some believe becoming a Death Eater is a glamorous thing, something will earn them fame, power, riches, and respect—but I know none of that is true." He shook his head once more, the mask of indifference he had worn only moments early slipping off once again. "I'm one of Voldemort's most trusted, most loyal, most powerful servants, and look where I am," he sneered, more towards himself than anything else. "I don't want young Mr. Malfoy to end up like me—and like your father."   
  
The news Snape was a Death Eater hadn't surprised me in the least; my father had often spoken of him as a close contact, all of which I grew to learn were more than close contacts, but those of Voldemort's servants who had somehow escaped Azkaban when the Dark Lord had been defeated for the first time. It was the connection to my father Snape had made that frightened me the most. His comparison to the creature my father had become and Draco was completely unbearable to me and set an impression upon my mind unlike any other I had ever experienced before.  
  
"Did you come looking for me tonight?" I asked after a moment or two of silence.  
  
"Yes and no," Snape answered slowly, his eyes focused now some five feet behind me. "Mr. Malfoy came to me after he found you out of bed about two or three hours ago, and he asked me to find you to make sure you were all right. He was rather insistent on it, and to be honest, I really don't blame him."  
  
I nodded, digesting the fact Draco had appeared in the girl's dormitory long after lights-out, as well as the fact he had been genuinely worried about me.  
  
It was less than a quarter of an hour later when Professor Snape finally dismissed me, getting up to open the door back out into the hallway for me.  
  
"Pansy," he said, his usual harsh voice strangely void of all annoyance. "When my wife was pregnant, warm milk or heated blankets usually helped her sleep, especially when she was as far along as you are." His mask slipped once again, showing the faintest hint of extreme emotions which informed me his wife and child were no longer among the living. "Next time you have a hard time going to sleep, try it."  
  
"I will," I gave him a small smile, wrapping my dressing gown around me more tightly. "Thank you."  
  
"Good night, Ms. Parkinson," he nodded formally and retreated back into his office, carefully closing the door once again, leaving me out alone in the hallway to make my way back to the Common Room alone. Before I could take a step down the corridor, however, I heard a single muffled sob come from behind the heavy wooden door now separating the professor and me.  
  
Everything was silent after that one slip.  
  
Five minutes later, I climbed carefully into the single bed Draco lay in, molding my position to fit the one he had fallen asleep in, as I carefully lay my head next to his, almost immediately falling into my blackened dream world.  
  
  
  
_ I've been searching for reason and I'm running out of time_  
_ I can feel that it's the season_  
_ Time to make up my mind_  
  
_ And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do_  
_ There are so many thoughts in my head_  
_ There are two roads to walk down_  
_ And one road to choose_  
_ So I'm thinking over the things that you've said_  
_ I'm thinking over the things_  
  
_ Thinking over, thinking over_  
_ Thinking over the things that you've said_  
_ I'm thinking over, thinking over, thinking over the things_  
  
_ Am I ready for forever _  
_ Oh, God, show me a sign_  
_ Cause if we're to be together_  
_ Then it's got to be divine_  
  
_ And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do_  
_ There are so many thoughts in my head_  
_ There are two roads to walk down_  
_ And one road to choose_  
_ So I'm thinking over the things that you've said_  
_ I'm thinking over the things_  
  
_ Thinking over, thinking over_  
_ Thinking over the things that you've said_  
_ I'm thinking over, thinking over, thinking over the things_  
  
_ He wants to marry me, carry me far away_  
_ He wants to love me for life_  
_ He wants to be with me every morning I awake_  
_ He wants to hold me thru the night_  
  
_ Father, which way should I go?_  
_ I cannot clearly see_  
_ And, oh, I love him so_  
_ But only you know if he's the one for me_  
  
_ Thinking over, thinking over _  
_ Thinking over the things that you've said_  
_ I'm thinking over, thinking over, thinking over the things_  
  
_ And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do_  
_ There are so many thoughts in my head_  
_ There are two roads to walk down_  
_ And one road to choose_  
_ So I'm thinking over the things that you've said_  
  
_ Oh, is this where I wanna be?_  
  
_ Thinking over the things that you said_*  
  
*Dana Glover, Thinking Over -- the song in the TV trailer for "Tuck Everlasting" (a WONDERFUL movie). Download it if you can, it's a gorgeous song.  
  
---  
  
I know, I suck with the whole answering reviews thing lately... but I really need to sleep, I'm about to pass out. Sorry!  



	23. Underneath It All

**Chapter Twenty-Three**  
  
Hmm... 23's my favorite number, have I mentioned that before? In both LLOA and FDTMA, Ch. 23's wedding chapters (albeit they turn out completely different, but I really shouldn't say that). Anyway... one of the final major twists in this story. *sigh* It's coming to a close... but I swear, not until Christmas. The reason for that is I want to be able to post the link on amazon.com to my book once it's up, even if it means having to stretch out the story past the ending I wanted for it. I'm into self-advertisement, don't worry about me. *grin*  
Aimée  
  
  
---  
  
  
I awoke to the sounds of heavy, uneven breathing and the feeling of hot breath against my cheek. Startled, I twisted my head around to face the one who had woken me, only to find Draco laying next to me, looking just as surprise as I was.   
  
"You're back?" he said, his tone forming a question.  
  
"I'll forgive," I said quietly, still bemused from sleep, "but I won't forget."  
  
"I know that," he said solemnly, his eyes focused directly on my own. His gaze slid across my face and down my body, stopping and lingering on the bulge that had replaced my once-flat stomach. Gently, I reached over and took his cool hand in my own, placing it on the side of now-large figure, watching as his eyes widened with amazement.  
  
"He's grown a bit in the past few months," I admitted, watching as his fingers carefully brushed across my covered belly button.  
  
"I've noticed," Draco said softly, his eyes still trained onto what was soon to be his heir. "I'm going to be a father."  
  
A brief sense of jealously washed through me as I thought of how he must have felt when he found out Blaise was pregnant—and thought the child was his. I quickly rationalized with myself, however, saying he was fifteen and scared then; a child would have looked like a ball and chains, not the opportunity one truly was.  
  
"Does Seamus know?"  
  
Draco looked up at me suddenly, surprised evident on his features. After taking a moment to regain his composure, he shook his head. "I don't think so."  
  
"Someone should tell him."  
  
"Someone should," he agreed, reaching up tentatively to brush the back of his hand against my cheek, his gaze growing distant as he slowly leaned toward me. "You're beautiful."  
  
"No, I'm fat and sore," I sighed, shifting around so I was facing him.  
  
"You're pregnant," he pointed out softly, "and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."  
  
"What about Blaise?" I asked quietly, watching his features closely for any kind of reaction or feelings he still may have held for the whore.  
  
"Blaise is dead to me," he whispered just before his lips met mine for the first time in far too long. I savored the feeling for as long as I felt was right, until I felt a light pressure in the middle of my stomach.  
  
Quickly, I brought Draco's hand to the exact spot, watching as his eyes widened once again in surprise.  
  
"He's kicking," I said gently, shocked at Draco's apparent lack of knowledge about pregnancies.  
  
"He's big now," Draco shook his head, allowing his pale hair to fall into his eyes. "He wasn't this big two months ago."  
  
"Babies tend to do that," I pointed out, watching the faint indents my son's growing limbs were making under my skin.  
  
"I noticed you've stopped taking off your robes after class ends," he said, his gray eyes rising to meet my own. "Is it because you don't want anyone to know?"  
  
"People know," I said rather bitterly, making a face. "I wish they didn't, but it's hard to notice. There's been talk about how some wandering wizard knocked me up over Christmas break and that's why we broke up."  
  
"Ha," Draco snorted, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. "We can't break up—we're married."  
  
"No one knows that," I pointed out.  
  
"Then I guess we'll just have to tell them, won't we?" Draco's eyes glinted with excitement. "Like you said, no one knows—wouldn't it be a shock for them?"  
  
"It would be," I mused quietly. "Especially for Blaise."  
  
"You need to forget about her," Draco hauled himself into a sitting position next to me, carefully helping me up as well. "I can make it so you won't have to see her, if you'd like."  
  
"I would," I sighed, shaking my head slightly, "but I know what you mean by that, and I'd feel terrible about it."  
  
Draco's eyes glinted against the soft light of the Slytherin boy's dormitories, his gaze now trained toward the back wall, his eyes unfocused. His lips formed words I couldn't hear, words I wasn't meant to hear, before he leaned over to me once again and kissed me lightly. "I think we should get up now."  
  
I nodded and then carefully swung my legs over to the edge of the bed and pushed myself into a standing position. "Draco?"  
  
"Yes?" he replied, already up and digging through his trunk to find a suitable outfit to wear.  
  
"I don't have any of my clothes here."  
  
He straightened up, clothing swung over his arm. "All right, let me change and then I'll help you find something."  
  
"Okay," I complied, slightly miffed by the fact he though I might have needed help to pick out clothing for the day as he changed right in front of me, no longer bashful by my seeing his body. I watched his pale limbs fold into one another as he tugged a gray sweater over his head, messing up his hair even more so than it already was.  
  
Once he was fully dressed, he walked over to my side of the bed and offered me his hand. I obliged, allowing him to help me up and place his arm around my shoulder protectively, as if nothing had ever happened.  
  
"It feels strange to be able to do this again," he admitted quietly as we made our way out of the dormitory and down toward the Slytherin common room—which was strangely empty.  
  
"We aren't up too early, are we?" I asked curiously, looking around the empty room.  
  
"No—Crabbe and Goyle were already up, so it can't be that early," Draco shrugged, and then paused for a moment, staying absolutely still.  
  
"Do you hear that?" he asked quietly, nodding up toward the Slytherin girl's staircase.  
  
I listened for a moment, straining my hearing for any sounds. Suddenly, I hear a soft flood of voices coming from the direction Draco had nodded toward.   
  
"Yeah, I hear it," I said softly, allowing him to lead me up the stairs to my dormitory. The volume increased with each step we took, until I could see a crowd of people gathered around the doorway to the dormitory.  
  
"Draco…" I said cautiously as we approached the end of the mass. "Any idea?"  
  
"No clue," he said coolly, his eyes searching above the curious onlookers. "It looks like a few of the professors are up there—come on."   
  
He pushed his way through the crowd, making sure I was getting through as well, until we approached the front and saw exactly what was going on.  
  
Draco's eyes observed the scene in front of us with cold indifference, a mask of neutrality placed upon his pale features. I, however, gasped as my mind registered what had happened, my hand flying up to my mouth in complete and utter shock and surprise.  
  
There, lying in the middle of the floor, bright hair spilling out around her still form, lay Blaise.  
  
She was dead.  
  
  
---  
  
_  
__ There's times where I want something more__  
__ Someone more like me__  
__ There's times when this dress rehearsal__  
__ Seems incomplete__  
__ But, you see the colors in me like no one else__  
__ And behind your dark glasses you're... __  
__ You're something else__  
__  
__You're really lovely__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You want to love me__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ I'm really lucky__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You're really lovely __  
__  
__ You know some real bad tricks__  
__ And you need some discipline__  
__ But, lately you've been trying real hard__  
__ And giving me your best__  
__ And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep__  
__ That I've ever had__  
__ And when it's really bad__  
__ I guess it's not that bad __  
__  
__You're really lovely__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You want to love me__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ I'm really lucky__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You're really lovely __  
__  
__ So many moons that we have seen__  
__ Stumbling back next to me__  
__ I've seen right through and underneath__  
__ And you make me better__  
__ I've seen right through and underneath__  
__ And you make me better__  
__ Better... better... __  
__  
__(You are my real Prince Charmin'__  
__ Like the heat from the fire__  
__ You were always burnin'__  
__ And each time you're around__  
__ My body keeps stalin'__  
__ For your touch__  
__ Your kisses and your sweet romancin'__  
__ There's an underside to you__  
__ That so many adore__  
__ Aside from your temper__  
__ Everything else secure__  
__ You're good for me, baby__  
__ Oh that, I'm sure__  
__ Over and over again__  
__ I want more)__  
__  
__ You've used up all your coupons__  
__ And all you've got left is me__  
__ And somehow I'm full of forgiveness__  
__ I guess it's meant to be__  
__  
__ You're really lovely__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You want to love me__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ I'm really lucky__  
__ Underneath it all__  
__ You're really lovely*_  
*No Doubt, Underneath It All  
  
---  
  
**Dickens: **You have problems. *grin* Did you know about this? I don't remember if I told you or no.  
  
**Jasmine: ***grin* Thanks for the review :o)  
  
**Lara: **Did we cover this in Psychology? I forgot. Hmm... well, Snape's still a spy, you ain't gonna find out what happened to his wife and kid unless I feel like it, Seamus hasn't a clue, and stop reading LLOA, it sucks. *grin*  
  
**Prime Jive: **Gotta love the Slytherins--especially Snape.  
  
**slush puppy:** Thank you, m'dear :o) I'm glad you like it... how'd you like this little twist?   
  
**sweetSlytherin:** Thank you :o) I'm glad you like it.  
  
**Tuppence: **Eh, everyone needs a little torture in their life. It's what makes it so interesting.  
  
**Whooch: **I'm glad you like it so much! Yeah, it's my belief (and a lot of other peoples' belief as well) that Slytherins ain't evil--just ambitious and willing to do anything to get what they want. Ambition's a good characteristic, at least I think so.  
  
** Wyrd Sista187:** Blaise got hers... and a little bit more than she rightfully deserved. Question is, how, who, and why? *grin* Stay tuned for Chapter 24! By the way, did you write/submit the summary (or something of the like) of "White Oleander" to imdb.com?   
  
  
  



	24. Give What Is Taken

**Save Yourself , Chapter Twenty-Four**  
  
---  
  
Hey guys... how's it going? Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I'm trying to stretch the whole thing out a bit. Is it getting too boring? I'm afraid it is... I don't know! *sigh* Ah, well. It's about one in the morning EST, and I'm tired as hell. I made over $50 today waitressing for maybe two and a half hours... so that's pretty f'cking good, if I do say so myself. I wrote this chapter entirely in school, and the funny thing is I can point out to you which parts I wrote in what hours, simply because of the differences between my "morning 7 AM writing" and my "afternoon 2 PM writing"... and all that's in between. Anyway, Lara, from my psychology class who is actually reading this POS, read this chapter as it was (i.e., handwritten...) and seemed to like it a bit, so I suppose it's good enough to post. I dunno. *shrug*  
Sleepy time...  
aC  
  
  
---  
  
  
The entire Slytherin population was evacuated from the dorms, sent down to the Great Hall for a late breakfast. Rumors spread quickly, most prominent stating she had committed suicide. I didn't speak a word to Draco as we made our way to the Great Hall, and in turn he returned the favor. As we both sat down at the far end of the long table, avoiding contact with the rest of the gossiping students, I looked him directly in the eye and voiced what we both knew would eventually come up.  
  
"Tell me you didn't have anything to do with this," I said quietly, my voice low and void of emotion.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" he asked darkly, his cold eyes bearing into mine.  
  
He was playing a game of wills, one we hadn't explored in nearly four years Despite the lack of confidence and humanity held within his stare, I was determined to show him I was worthy of the truth.  
  
"Stop protecting me, Draco, and tell me the fucking truth," I hissed, my anger getting the better of me for the first time in quite a while.  
  
He paused for a moment as he decided what the best course of action would be. I held my breath, anxious to hear his decision. It may not have seemed like much, but to me it was the moment when he told me what I was to him: a wife in need of protecting, a child, or an equal.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like hours but was truly only a moment or two, he took in a deep breath and bowed his head; it was the most humane thing I had seen him do all morning.  
  
"I didn't kill her," he answered earnestly. "She was the one who took her own life."  
  
I nodded, my eyes downcast and fingers tracing a pattern on the wooden table. "Was she the one who decided it was time for her to die?"  
  
Draco grimaced, not from the truth but from having to tell me. "No."  
  
I nodded once more, numbness spreading through my mind as I glanced back up toward him, a new perception with a considerable amount of respect evident for my husband forming in my mind.  
  
"For everything time takes away from us, we receive something of equal value," Draco said softly, his voice quavering slightly as the impact of his actions finally hit hom. "Blaise is gone, and in her place we stand together. In the end, because she is gone, our son's life is going to be better than it would have been had she still stood in our way."   
  
"I know," I said quietly, my hand instinctively moving toward my stomach.   
  
"The ends will always justify the means, Pansy," he said, his tone emotionless but dead serious. "Always remember that."  
  
I nodded again, his strength infusing my own weakness as we sat in silence, listening to the rumors abound around the Slytherin table, each more ridiculous than the last.  
  
  
  
  
We spent nearly four hours in the Great Hall before we received news, in the form of a sinister Professor Snape. A hush fell over the room, where the entire Slytherin population was being kept as the teachers investigated Blaise's death. Without a word, the formidable Potions Master approached Draco and I, a sour look upon his face as he easily parted the crowd.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy," he stopped in front of the pale Slytherin, then turning toward me, his lips parted as he began to address me as well. "Miss—"  
  
"It's 'Missus,'" Draco corrected the professor, "sir."  
  
"Very well then, Missus Malfoy," Professor Snape raised an eyebrow. "If you two would be so kind as to follow me."  
  
Silently, the two of us complied, following the windowed professor out of the Great Hall, from which emerged frantic whispers as the House finally learned the truth about the relationship Draco and I had.   
  
We followed the man through the maze of Hogwarts halls, Draco guiding me gently with his hand pressed into the small of my back in a protective manner. He eyed each crossing corridor, as if to make sure there were no evils lurking about, ready to jump out and attack the three of us. I walked slower than usual, both due to my awkward form and reluctance at what lay ahead of us.  
  
"Am I going too fast?" the professor asked after a particularly quick walk through a brightly lit corridor.  
  
"No," I lied, ignoring the protests from my muscles from having to carry so much weight.  
  
Regardless of my words, Professor Snape slowed his stride noticeably for the rest of the way. Despite the situation at hand, I still felt the tinges of resentment toward Snape trickle into my mind for treating me as if I were unable to walk at a normal pace to keep up with the man.   
  
We reached our destination quickly, a statue of a gargoyle whose face was frozen in a nasty sneer. Snape mumbled something under his breath, and, to my surprise but apparently not to Draco's, the monstrous figure jumped aside to reveal a narrow passageway leading to a spiral stairway.   
  
At the top of the staircase was a solid oak door that opened up to a large, well-lit room strewn with silver objects and portraits hanging on the walls. Standing behind a large mahogany desk was Headmaster Dumbledore, looking extremely morose.  
  
"Sir," Snape addressed the Headmaster respectfully. "Draco and Pansy Malfoy."  
  
Dumbledore looked up at the two of us gravely, his mind seemingly reading ours. If I had been a Gryffindor, squirming could have definitely been an option.  
  
"Take a seat," Dumbledore gestured toward two empty chairs set in front of his desk. The two of us complied, neither surprised the Headmaster suspected us to have something to do with the death of Blaise.  
  
After a long moment of silence, the Headmaster finally cleared his throat and began to speak.   
  
"I know you two are both quite aware of this morning's tragedy," he said slowly, ice blue eyes bearing into our each in turn.  
  
"We are," Draco spoke for both of us, his lack of compassion shining through his sharp features.  
  
"Do either of you know what happened?" Dumbledore asked, his searching gaze upon us. "Why she apparently committed suicide?"  
  
"No," Draco answered, once again speaking for myself as well as his own self.  
  
"Pansy?" the Headmaster fell back on my given name, most likely unsure of how to address me.  
  
"She broke up with her boyfriend a few days ago," I said clearly, unafraid of what the old man seated before us could do to Draco and I. "I overheard her informing Millicent Bulstrode the night before last."  
  
I hadn't been lying; Blaise truly had broken it off with Terrence Nott in the days before her death. Draco and I both knew that it had absolutely nothing to do with anything, however.  
  
Dumbledore breathed in deeply before continuing, his age showing considerable in his wrinkled facial features.  
  
"If we don't find out what was Miss Zambini's incentive, I'm afraid we're going to have to take drastic measures to find out the truth."  
  
Draco's eyes flashed dangerously, and I immediately realized what Dumbledore was hinting toward.  
  
"You can't administer Veritaserum without the Ministry's approval," Draco sneered, his obvious lack of respect for the Headmaster shining through. "If my father finds out—"  
  
"Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore's voice cut through Draco's like a knife, silencing his arrogance immediately. "You yourself are about to become a father. It's time for you to stop depending on your own and start realizing exactly what fatherhood is about, instead of running to yours every time things don't go the way you want them to."  
  
A rather obvious glance was thrown my way as he spoke, and I suddenly felt as if I should be more than a little defensive of myself. I glared toward the old man, my dislike of him boiling over to hatred in a fit of hormonal rage.  
  
"Blaise was a bitch, plain and simple, " I snapped, finally unable to take anymore of Dumbledore's antics. "She has always hated me and has gone after Draco like you wouldn't believe, especially in the past few years. We had nothing to do with her death—she killed herself, there's nothing more to it than that. She's been on the road to suicide since the day she was born."  
  
With that, I stood up as quickly as I could with my bulging stomach and awkward stance, storming past a bewildered Snape and finally out the door, leaving three shocked men in my wake.  
  
  
---  
  
  
_ I paid my last respects this mornin' on an early grave_  
_ Already said goodbye, nothin left to say_  
_ A tiny church a tiny town and not a tear was spent_  
_ Not how I wanted it, I'm hating all of this_  
  
_ Well I'm hating, all of this_  
_ I'm hating, all of this_  
_ All of this, all of this_  
_ Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays_  
_ No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me_  
_ You came along, and tore this world out around me_  
_ Looks like you found me_  
_ Now I know why_  
_ I felt like shit when I woke up this morning_  
  
_ I've been a loser all my life, I'm not about to change_  
_ If you don't like, there's the door, nobody made you stay_  
_ There ain't a woman on the planet who can deal with it_  
_ Just how I wanted it, I'm hating all of this_  
  
_ Well I'm hating, all of this_  
_ I'm hating, all of this_  
_ All of this, all of this_  
_ Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays_  
_ No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me_  
_ You came along, and tore this world out around me_  
_ Looks like you found me_  
_ Now I know why_  
_ I felt like shit when I woke up this morning_  
  
_ All of this, All of this_  
_ Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays_  
_ No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me_  
_ You came along, and tore this world out around me_  
_ Looks like you found me_  
_ Now I know why_  
_ I felt like shit when I woke up this morning__*_  
*Nickelback, Woke Up This Morning  
  
---  
**  
****-:** Thanks... lol. Not into leaving a nickname, eh? *grin* Understandable. I'm glad you like the story so much, thanks for reviewing :o)  
  
**Fire: **HA! This chapter's TWICE AS LONG as the others... bite me. *grin*  
  
**God of Fire:** Wow, thanks a ton! I'm flattered you like it so much. If you don't mind telling, who was it that recommened Save Yourself to you? I'm just curious... :o) Thanks again.  
  
**Jilly-chan: **Actually, I don't know if Seamus is going to pop up anytime soon... he probably will sooner or later. I dunno though? :o)  
  
**Lara: **Yeah, LLOA's set in an "A.U."... alternate universe, or something like that. Just if Lily had survived in that situation and whatever... We talked about it, I know why you don't like it, but I swear to god FDTMA isn't terrible slash!! LOL... and no, Ashes to Ashes isn't slash at all. 100% Hetero. I think FDTMA's my only slash story... save maybe a chapter in the 12 Days story and You Outta Know, which... well... don't read. You won't like it, I can guarentee you that. Yeah... Harry only has half a brain... that's why he's the way he is.  
  
**Melinda Malfoy: **Nah, she said it. He just sort of... pushed her in that direction. *grin* Details coming soon.  
  
**Pheebs: **Sorry, ten days later isn't exactly soon... I've been lazy lately, sorry. Glad you like it :o)  
  
**Prime Jive: **LOL, yep, she's dead. Ding dong, the *bitch* is dead...  
**  
****slush puppy:** Yep, Blaise is dead. Only thirteen more days in HP2 now... I'm sort of excited, but not nearly as much as I was for the first one. Yeah, Jason Isaacs... I'm going to be sitting there shitting a brick the entire time, it's gonna be great. *grin*  
  
**Whooch: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it :o) Yeah, Draco and Pansy seem to have a bit of chemistry in this story. Thank God.  
  
**Wyrd Sista187: **Well... yeah, Blaise may just be redeemed a bit. You'll have to wait and see how though.  



	25. Said and Done

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-Five****  
**  
---  
  
And _FINALLY, _the title ties in with the story. Go me. *grin* Anyway, I'm tired as hell and sick as a dog, so once again I apologize for the lack of answering reviews... if you guys had a serious question you want answered, just IM me at ExemplarPiaculum. Chances are I won't be updating next Friday... but hey, I'm sure none of you will be home to read a new chapter anyway :o) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, T-7 days and counting. I got invited to a sneak-preview with one of my friends, but I don't know if I'm going to go or not, cuz I promised I'd see it with my dad... Ah, yes, and for all of you who have been asking, my book will probably be out in mid-December.   
Aimée  
  
---  
  
  
I spent the entire day hiding from Professors Snape and Dumbledore, roaming the mostly deserted  
Hogwarts corridors in a fog. I hadn't planned on my outburst, nor had the notion of being the defender crossed my mind. After it was all said and done, however, I felt proud of my reaction, rather than feeling shame for disrespecting a powerful wizard and the Headmaster, and I knew Draco would be as well.  
  
It was nearing ten at night when I finally made my way back to the Slytherin dormitories, after a trip to the kitchens for leftovers from the meals I had skipped. As I slipped into the Common Room, I immediately noticed it was almost deserted—peculiar for a Saturday night. Quickly, I looked around at the few faces, not immediately recognizing any. I made my way up to the boy's dormitory slowly, counting the twenty-three steps individually on my way up. Everything around me seemed surreal; it was hard to believe everything had changed with one foul swoop of a wand.  
  
When I finally reached the boy's dormitory, I immediately noticed it too was abandoned—save Draco, who was leaning up against the headboard on his bed, hair mussed and book in hand.  
  
"Hi," I said softly, knowing he could hear me even from five meters away.  
  
He looked up from his novel, a shocked expression quickly covered with one of expectancy. "You're back."  
  
"I am," I nodded, making my way slowly over toward the bed he lay on. "What are you reading?"  
  
Draco quickly took a look at the cover, as if he hadn't a clue as to what the title or subject matter was. "Potions book," he shrugged, his features giving away nothing.  
  
"Interesting," I said quietly as I reached the bed. Draco immediately moved over to make room for me, his lithe figure allowing more than plenty of room for my bulging form.   
  
After what looked like a moment's hesitation, he reached around and grabbed what looked to be an envelope from off his bedside table.  
  
"Here," he said coolly, his eyes following the path of the parchment. "Blaise wrote this for you."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, looking from the letter to my husband and back to the parchment, not quite sure what to make of it all. After a gesture of encouragement, I took the envelope and carefully opened it, exposing a few pieces of heavy parchment folded together in thirds.  
  
I glanced over toward Draco, whose eyes were then closed and formed was supported by the headboard. Without a word, I opened the letter, prepared to read the words it held.  
  
_Dear Pansy,__  
__  
__I don't really know how to begin. I'm not going to start off with an apology, because quite honestly, I don't' regret my actions. It was how I was raised and how I'm going to live my life; no regrets.__  
__  
__Draco's sitting on your bed now, watching me as I write this. He asked—no, told me to give you an apology, so here I am, merely fulfilling his wishes. I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to start from the beginning—it's where most good stories begin anyway. __  
__  
__You know I was attracted to Draco. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't, because quite frankly, that just isn't true. When it finally came out that the two of you were dating, I was so unbelievably shocked and jealous of you, it was all I could do from poisoning you in your sleep. I hated you for such a long time, Pansy. I still do.__  
__  
__ We slept together about a week or two before the Yule Ball, and I promise you, it was nothing. He was nervous as sin and all I was interested in was catching the only prize I could have of his—the one thing you'd never have.__  
__  
__After all, how many girls can claim they have a Malfoy's virginity?__  
__  
__It was crude, it was messy, and it wasn't at all as I had pictured it to be, but it happened. There's no getting around the initial fact. He left immediately afterward and made me swear I wouldn't tell a soul. I kept my word, even when I realized I was pregnant. The only other person I ever told was Professor Snape, and that was because it was an absolute necessity. I tried everything I could think of to get rid of it before I went to Draco, but nothing worked; eventually, he tried a spell or two, but in the end those didn't work either. I didn't tell him; instead, I went to Snape in hopes of a potion that would help me out.__  
__  
__Needless to say, it worked. After two weeks of knowingly carrying a child while still a child myself, I was rid of it. I don't know how you do it, Pansy; you're seventeen and about to be a mother. __  
__  
__What amazes me even more is how you waited. How did you save yourself for him? He didn't return the favor—why did you go through all that pain and waiting just so he could have the satisfaction of knowing he was your first and quite possibly your only? __  
__  
__I didn't know you two were married when I said the things I did, and that I will say I am sorry for. I don't care how awful you really think I am; I'd never get between a man and his wife, I swear to that. If I had known, none of this would have ever happened.__  
__  
__I don't know what else to say. There isn't anything else, I suppose, just make sure you hold on to him; if he's willing to go to such drastic measures to protect you, he must really love you, even underneath all that Malfoy bullshit.__  
__  
__ Draco promised me that if I told the whole truth, he'd let it go and that'd be the end. I hope this clears anything up for you, Pansy. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I don't know; I don't want to be the enemy of a Malfoy or a Parkinson, but I know it's almost inevitable.__  
__  
__ If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.__  
__  
__ Blaise_  
  
I placed the letter on the edge of the bed, my mind whirling after being inside of her psyche, even if it was only for a few minutes. After taking the time to collect myself for a moment, I turned toward Draco, not at all surprised to see he had finally relented and took off the mask of indifference he always wore.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
---  
  
  
_Turn out the light_  
_Just say goodnight to yourself_  
_May I remind you when you find you all alone's when you_  
  
_You've got to be strong/that's when they call you in the night_  
_He's got your picture in his mind_  
_He's got your number on a paper_  
_At his disposal anytime_  
  
_Is it really true? Did you save yourself?_  
_For someone who'll love you for you?_  
_So many times we just give it away_  
_Someone who, someone who..._  
  
_Met in a bar_  
_Back of a car_  
_And for a moment you felt important_  
_But not in your heart_  
  
_My self esteem_  
_It's been low_  
_Go ahead and count it's been lower than lower_  
_I know the feeling_  
_Of it stealing right out from under me_  
  
_I wanna learn_  
_How you save yourself__?_  
_For someone who loves you for you_  
_So many times we just give it away_  
_Someone who couldn't even remember your name_  
  
_Did you save yourself_  
_For someone who loves you for you_  
_Love me for me_  
_Give it away_  
_Someone who'll cherish your name_  
  
_I wanna learn_  
_How you saved yourself_  
_For someone who loves you for you_  
_And loves me for me_  
_Give it away_  
_Someone who_  
_Someone who'll_  
_Cherish your name...*_  
  
_***Sensefield, Save Yourself**_  
  



	26. Hell On Earth

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-Six**  
  
---  
  
Haha... I'm back. Ya'll are going to hate me, too, considering I finished my story nearly two weeks ago. I wrote a novel in two weeks--can you guys believe that? It's even longer than the first one, and I've been told it's just as good, if not better, in both writing and plot. I also made a bet with my Dad that I could write a novel in two weeks that was as good as the first and as long, and I could have a kitten.  
Guess what I'm getting on the 26th, the day after I present him with the HUGE box I did a gag-wrap with that contains the small binder?  
Yeah, you know, the whole small box in medium in large in huge box thing. *grin* I'm evil. Also, I got copies of Phoenix Ashes (my first book), and it should be available whenever my publisher gets his ass in gear. I sold almost thirty copies by bringing the books around to my classes. THIRTY. That's a lot of money... I get 10% and I still made $40 off of it. Haha... yay.   
All right, after I posted this, I realized it's UP on barnesandnoble.com--here's the direct link.  
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=2TFFBIFE78&vcqty=1&isbn=1932205063  
Phoenix Ashes   
EEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!  
Happy Holidays,  
Aimée  
  
---  
  
  
In the weeks that followed, Draco and I were granted a private room adjacent to the Slytherin Common Room, much to the jealously of our peers. While the area was rather small and might even have been considered cramped, it was much better than the dormitory Draco and I shared with the rest of the male sixth years. Each night, before we were given our private quarters, I slept in his bed, my head on his chest and his arm wrapped around me, fingers caressing the growing bulge that was my midsection. I would never admit it to anyone, but it was with him and only with him that I felt safe.  
  
As the weeks passed, I grew more and more tired and anxious by the moment, and soon I was unable to make the trek from class to class each day. My robes no longer fit, and I was forced to send away to Madame Malkin's for third-trimester pregnancy robes I would have never considered, had it not been for the fact I had to make my way to the Great Hall at least twice a day to eat. As I entered the eighth month, Draco began to skip classes with me, opting to take care of me instead of listening to lecture after lecture. I didn't blame him in the least, but he was loaded down with homework and makeup work, as was I, and him not possessing the experience and knowledge a class would have provided him with often proved to be more frustrating than having to be alone all day did.  
  
Finally, on the last day of April, I persuaded Draco to continue his duties as Slytherin Seeker and play the final Quidditch match against Gryffindor. The two of us argued for nearly an hour, him far too protective of both me and his unborn son to even consider leaving, me far too tired of barely having a moment to myself. I was the one who won out in the end, of course—besides wanting to spend every waking moment with me in my agitated state of mind, Draco was also well aware of the possible effects stress could placed on both timing and labor. It was with a scowl that he made me promise that if anything were to happen, I wouldn't hesitate to force Professor Snape to pull him out of the game, and finally, in the early morning light, he left.  
  
With a content feeling floating around inside of me, I slipped back into the nestles of sleep, more than prepared to snore the day away as Draco tried and would most likely fail at taking control of the snitch before the Golden Boy, Harry Potter, did.  
  
Try as I might, however, I was unable to stay asleep; my mind was racing and, as much as I hated to admit it, the size of my bladder had decreased significantly, and the unpleasant feeling often associated with having to relieve oneself pressed upon me urgently. With a heavy sigh, I threw back the heavy down comforters Draco and I had been provided with and waddled my way over to the doorway that led out into the spacious common room area.  
  
I grasped the polished wooden railing with my right hand and carefully took the first step down the rather narrow stairway leading up to the entrance of our private room, my bare swollen foot touching the cold step with a jolt. I winced as a stab of pain hit the center of my spine, making my knees buckle suddenly and my large body fly forward.  
  
Desperately, I reached wildly for the railing with my other hand, a blind panic seizing me as I swung toward the metal rods connecting the banister to the cold stone steps. With a sense of detachment and slow-motion, I felt nothing but air come in contact with my fist, and a moment later my swollen belly hit the railing hard, causing an intense feeling of pain and a flash of extreme fear to hit me, just before my mind shut down and the world around me faded into black.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Voices surrounded me, and the haze I felt in my mind lifted slightly as I became conscious once again. Before I had a chance to open my eyes to the harsh bright light above me, however, a wave of tightness and white-hot pain hit me, leaving me breathless as I fought hard not to scream.  
  
"That's less than a minute in between, Poppy," I heard an anxious female voice whisper, and I suddenly became aware of a cool hand holding mine against the soft sheets of what I then assumed to be the Hospital Wing. "Honestly, how long does it take Severus to find Mr. Malfoy and procure him from that ridiculous match?"  
  
"Calm down, Minerva," a second voice I knew to be Madame Pomfrey's said gently. "They'll be along at any moment, and I am hoping to have her awake for the procedure. It's always easier that way."  
  
Bemused by my previous state of unconsciousness and still shaken by the last wave of contractions, I opened my eyes slightly in order to view my surroundings. Off to my right sat Professor McGonagall, who wore the most worried expression I had ever seen from not only her, but from anyone in my life. In front of me and slightly to my left stood Madame Pomfrey, a potion in hand.  
  
"I'm awake," I mumbled, my fingers curling around the crisp white sheets I lay on. "Where's Draco?"  
  
"He'll be here in a moment," the nurse repeated, gray eyes turning up toward me. "Does it hurt anywhere?"  
  
I turned all senses inward for a moment, taking an inventory as quickly as possible. "My stomach hurts a bit, as well as my left ankle—" With a start, I realized exactly what had happened, and I immediately tried to sit up. "My baby—is my baby okay?" I gasped, immediately placing my left hand atop the mountainous swell that was my son. "I hit my stomach, and—"  
  
"If anything's wrong, I'll be able to fix it immediately after you give birth," Madame Pomfrey said matter-of-factly, causing an even greater fear to rise within me.  
  
"Birth?" I said weakly, mentally flipping through the date in my mind. "But I'm not due for another month—why is this happening now?"  
  
"Because, dear," Professor McGonagall said kindly, squeezing my hand, "the impact of your fall induced irreversible labor. The infant will be in good hands here, you know that."  
  
"I know," I parroted softly, squeezing my eyes shut as another contraction seized my insides, the room still void of anyone even remotely resembling my husband.  
  
_If he missed the birth of our son,_ I thought viciously in the throws of pain, _there would be hell and fury on earth to pay._  
  
  
---  
  
My Book--buy away!!!  
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=2TFFBIFE78&vcqty=1&isbn=1932205063  
Phoenix Ashes   



	27. Beautiful

**Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-Seven**** - ****Beautiful**  
  
---  
Well guys, this is the end. What a ride it's been, eh? *grin* Just for your information, there is (as of today, January 19th) going to be a sequel. I began a story yesterday entitled _Hush, Hush, Hush_, that is intended to be Snape's past as was hinted toward earlier in the story. It's rather LLOAish, but with some major differences. Bear in mind I absolutely love the Snape/Lily ship. Remember to keep an eye out for the sequel, appearing as soon as I get off my duff and start writing.  
By the way, anyone notice that post about me (Aimée Carter) on the-leaky-cauldron.org a few days ago? Life's interesting at the moment. Just had my first book signing and sold a record for the store I was in. Cool, eh? David Letterman, here I come *grin*.  
Aimée  
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The three of us waited in the hospital wing for a good five minutes more, waves of pain washing over my body, squeezing my insides, as we waited for Professor Snape and Draco to show. I grew more and more angered with my husband as the minutes ticked by, and the notion he could very well miss the birth of his first child dawned on me after a particularly nasty and serious contraction.  
  
Before I could reluctantly voice my complaints to the two women near me, the wooden doors burst open, causing me to jump slightly in surprise. Almost immediately afterward, Draco was standing next to me, his face flushed and his breath coming in massive gulps.   
  
"Did we miss it?" he asked stupidly, taking my sweaty hand in his own.   
  
"Of course not, you dolt," I snapped, barely able to suppress the full extent of my rage. "Does it look like your spawn has seen the light of day yet?"  
  
With my words, I gestured down toward the eight-month-old bulge of fetus that somehow seemed different—more alive, more real than ever before. With a small sound escaping from the back of his throat, Draco's eyes widened and the gravity of the situation fell down upon him. He turned toward Madame Pomfrey, who was quickly moving toward me, flask in hand.  
  
"She isn't ready," he insisted almost childishly. "She has another month to go, you _know_ that…"  
  
"I also know, Mr. Malfoy, that if your child doesn't make an appearance in the next few minutes, there is a large possibility of you becoming a widower. Now, if you'll excuse me."  
  
Both he and I paled at exactly the same time, and without a word I took the flask from the mediwitch's outstretched hand, drinking it down in two large gulps. It tasted of ginger and kelp, a nasty combination that made me want to gag.  
  
Sensing my husband's anxiousness, Professor Snape, a presence I had previously not acknowledged, took a step forward and laid a hand upon his shoulder.   
  
"Mr. Malfoy," he said quietly, in a voice that I was sure could make half the female population shiver with delight, "why don't you and I have a discussion over there?" The man nodded over toward an area past the curtains hanging around my bed, where both he and Draco were sure to be out of the way.  
  
Reluctantly, Draco dropped my hand and made his way to where the Professor was leading him. I watched him go, wishing the wizarding custom of having the father present but separated from the birth of a child had been abolished. My thoughts were quickly focused on the impending birth once more, however, as another wave of pain hitting me, this time much duller than the ones before.   
  
"I need you to lift your legs up dear… yes, like that," Madame Pomfrey said in a hush yet commanding tone as I positioned my legs in a way that was more than a little uncomfortable and revealing. "Minerva, I'm going to need your help here."  
  
The rest of my labor passed in a blur; the potion the nurse had given me not only dulled the pain, but my mind as well. I pushed when instructed, barely noticing the loud groans that escaped from my lips, which made Draco worry that something had gone wrong. He was much more nervous than I, and even though our child was to be born a month early, I was sure everything was going to be fine. He had no such reassurance, however, and with each passing moment I could sense his anxiousness rise a notch, until finally, after a hard and painful push, I felt the baby's head slip through and into the world surrounding me.  
  
"Good girl… one more big one, and it'll all be over," Madame Pomfrey said, her tone instantly transformed at the sight of my son.  
  
I clenched my teeth and pushed as hard as I could, bright spots appearing in front of my vision as I finally felt the infant slip completely out of me. I let out a shuddering breath of relief, my body shaking and exhausted after what must have only been a few minutes at the very most.  
  
"Minerva," the nurse said, her tone suddenly much more urgent than I would have wanted it to be. "Take him—Severus, I need you here _now_."  
  
Her tone left nothing up for questioning, and immediately Professor Snape appeared between the two women, both of whom had identical looks of concentration and concern painted over their features.  
  
"My baby—" I gasped, the sick weight of reality landing heavily upon my chest. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
Instead of answering me, Professor Snape immediately went to work, his long, pale fingers massaging my son's chest, dipping into his tiny mouth. "His lungs are torn," he finally said after a moment of prodding. "Poppy, you need to—"  
  
"I know what I need to do," the aging witch snapped, her wand instantly pointed toward my child's tiny body. "_Sano_ _Plumara!_ "  
  
I held my breath for what seemed like eternity, praying to all the deities I could remember that my son live. My eyes were locked upon the tiny blue body, hands shaking and all the magic within me concentrated on making my son's heart beat.  
  
The only sound that registered in my mind was the first sounds of an infant crying; relief flooded my veins as I finally allowed myself to collapse, exhaustion overtaking my body as I struggled to remain conscious.  
  
"Here," I heard Professor Snape say quietly, and suddenly my son's wailings were silenced. Summoning all the strength I could muster, I opened by eyes and saw what was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.  
  
Draco, still adorning his Quidditch gear, was awkwardly holding a bundle of blankets containing our son and his heir, a look of astonishment on his pale face. Slowly, as if he were afraid he was going to drop the infant, he made his way over toward me, placing himself on the edge of the bed I was laying in, bringing our son into my view.  
  
"He's beautiful," I breathed, struggling to keep the bubbling of emotions I felt under control.   
  
"What's his name?" Professor McGonagall asked suddenly, bright eyes shining with tears.  
  
"Zachary," my husband replied, his own gray eyes rimmed with red. "Zachary Lucius Parkinson Malfoy."  
  
I looked up at Draco, shocked as his choice of name. The loss I had suffered only months before was still fresh in my mind, and not only had Draco managed to continue on my family's name, he had also chosen to name his first-born and heir after my brother. Never, not once, had my brother's name occurred to me during the long hours we had spent discussing the matter, yet now, as I gazed down toward my son, I realized what an obvious choice it was.  
  
From that moment on, I knew the three of us were going to make it. We had been through so much and had made it, and I knew no matter how awful things got, all I had to do was step back and remember that instant in time when we first became a family.   
  
I had no doubt that in the end, we would survive.  
  
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_And now, onto the sequel..._  



End file.
